He saved me

He sent me soaring again...

I remember when I was a child....

Before life had removed all my innocence. How I was in love with the idea of church. Teased by peers for my 'old people dressing', my position on the Church's Youth Executive body, how I'd preach "No sex before marriage" and more. I remember when I was the one to start a prayer, to suggest how we can use new materials to evangelize to the neighboring communities. I could recite every memory verse at Sunday school, winning medals for punctuality and outstanding performance. And then suddenly...I forgot. 

I forgot what it was like to be in love with my King. To serve him. To praise him and do his works. My faith got weak. I began to question. Have doubts. And at the age of 14 I completely forgot what the word Christian means.

I allowed pressure, and fear of being an outcast got over me. I turned my back, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Everything went downhill. I sinned and sinned and sinned. Intentionally. Pain, sorrow, burdens, betrayal, cutting, overdose, drugs, pills after pills, hospital after hospital, counselors after counselors. A point where I'd sit, and no tears would come. I'd stare to the ground, unseeing, trembling, filled with darkness. What is my name? Who am I? Who have I become?

I visited the church one day after what seemed like an eternity. I sat at the back. I looked up. And there she was. The little girl. On the stage, moderating, dressed in "old clothes". Filled with passion, love and dedication....

............He sent me calls, he sent me messages, showed me signs, gave me visions. But I was so scared. Too scared to listen.

But my heart called out to me. That little girl inside begged. And one day, I finally listened. 

.........He said "Come back to me my child" 

I said "Father I cant stand. Lift me up. Please"

I heard nothing. I opened my eyes. And there was the hand. There was His hand, stretching out from a ray of light. It shone soooo bright I couldn't see. I couldn't see where I was going, I couldn't see His face...... But I took it. And He lifted me.

And then I was soaring. Thriving. Conquering.....and Flying. 

I've fallen many times since my flight. But His hand is always there. Reaching out to me. 

I say "Daddy..." crying and trembling I said "Daddy, don't make me fall again."

He said "You will always fall. But I am always here, to lift you up when you do. I'll brush off your little wings. And send you soaring again..."