You Break It, You Buy It

This summarizes my struggle with materializing my thoughts, finding love, and growing up, and how they are all intertwined in my mind.

Strands of my hair
Flick in the wind
As I don't run.
I sit on the porch.

Lost in my skull
Thinking deep
Wishing deep
I wish I was deep.
Deep in a hole.
Dead in a place where I could finally think.
Quiet and safe.
But do not cry.
I'd solve the problems
And climb out of the tomb.
Out of the womb.
Become reborn.
A woman with real thoughts.

"Am I immature?"
I waited and waited
Yes.

Every time he says silly,
I die and I sink
I need to think.
Go to the ground.
Find me a river
To drown my thoughts
Wash them out of my ears
Like pixie stick dust
Float around my skull
Swim to the edge
Break an ankle
Gather my wares
And limp to the crossing.
Born again with thoughts, thoughts
In a handbag my brain
I hail a train
Chug away from the river
Where I drank the silent knowledge
Through my lungs
It could be in my blood.
Chug, chug home
To the place where he waits

The one to whom I belong
The one who says silly
Knocks me into a hole,
Oh Lord.
Who lives in a swimming pool
And smiles parenthetically
As monkeys or dogs.

But he is a child in my life
And I suppose that I live
The life of a child,
"También."

As it were,
I was a child
And he was a child
On a playground by the sea.
We build a kingdom on the gulf
Breathe in the salt
Because tomorrow you're in a costume
Run from the thoughts
You live in hole every day now.
He still lives in a swimming pool.
Maybe it's better
That you don't touch.

For, as the signs have prophesied,
You break it
You buy it.
And that's just the goddamn truth.