Little bird.

Another snippet of a time longed to be forgotten, drenched in a hurt and betrayal bigger than life itself.

There was something flowing and alive between us. It shocked me with its power and burned me with its heat. It crashed over me till there was nothing left but a desire for more. Emotion crept upon my throat and choked me, I loathed it as it snaked its way through my being; I searched for the blade that would halt its path.

 

His fingers upon me stopped my search, my eyes blazed as they met his, pushing him away I fled; unable to hold it within the fragile recesses of my broken thoughts I let the caged bird within me fly.

 

Without looking back it left me barren, sinking to the floor I allowed tears to flow from my darkened eyes. Bruises circled their rims and I was forced fragile, the cracks began to show as I desperately tried to contain the breaking strikes threatening to tear me apart.

 

As the rain fell around me, everything stuck to my core. The cold seeped into my metallic bones, my chassis was turned to ice and all that surrounded me became desert marshland.

 

Sitting upon the island of regret, I allowed the water to carry me away, my eyes closed under the weight of my own failings. Curling in on myself, I let the memories lull me into unconsciousness.

 

Trapped in the deceit of my own mind I let the recollection taunt me with its spines, I bristled in annoyance as the mocking laughter danced around the peripheral vision of my awareness. Spiders tap-danced gleefully on the cobwebs criss-crossing the membranes of my internal battleground.

 

My teeth ground together, grating through pain to bring clarity to my vision. Whispers scattered as my anger turned physical, the muscles of my hatred locked and my shadow grew. With destruction itching away at the tips of my fingers I reached for the dark friend of my despair.

 

Licking a trail of acid I brought the world to my feet and let the acidic wounds drip upon the souls of the abusers. My monomaniacal mind was narrowed, awareness seeped from my limbs and she took over.

 

Turned beast my fangs grew, an agony took over like no other and she brought my fists down to uproot the ideals of society, stripped bare I ran through the fields of the accepted and mocked their pitiful theories.

 

They knew nothing of truth, as curses in warped tongues spilled from my charred mouth I made my way into the inner sanctum of the elite. Dragging behind me the carcass of my former self, I threw it at their feet, letting their shame ooze out and drench the floor with disgrace.

 

Trying to cover up their guilt a wall is brought forth from the ground and separates me from them, I shake willing myself stronger, willing myself to burst through their brick and mortar, to cover them in the dust of their stupidity.

 

But, turned coward I shy away, whimpering and tail between my legs I scamper away leaving the corpse behind, as to destroy the evidence of what I could not do. Sad, sad thing that I am I want to lick my wounds.

 

Of course, there is no rest; as soon as I enter the room to alight upon my normal space, as is the routine for this time, I smell the stench of her malice in the air, surrounding the bed of sightless skulls.

 

I am late; distracted by my desire to control the actions of those in power I had taken too long to reach my post as her slave. Her annoyance grinds the adrenaline of my confidence, there is nothing left within me except the dying remains of a sightless being.

 

Dropping my gaze to the floor, I become the submissive she has whipped me into becoming. Torrents of curses and harsh words have built an alliance that knocks upon the barrier of my lips.

 

I refuse to let them through, I know what awaits me in the dark, her venom shall spread throughout my body, traveling and paralysing the organs that feed my mind. As her body winds itself around me, I know the suffocation will be better than the eventual disgust she will force my hand into.

 

I want that bird back in my chest; there is emptiness beneath my breast that it’s singing used to fill. A singsong tune that only I could detect, the twittering of an abused little bird.

 

However, unlike my own, the wings of that delightful bird were not damaged, they were not matted and congealed with the invisible blood of her wrath. I had kept that little bird protected within myself, I made sure that none of its purity touched the edges of my stained and disgusting cells.

 

It left my embrace the same bird as when it entered, though more cherished, I would like to believe that anyway. I did love that little bird. It reminded me of someone I used to know.

She is laughing at me, there are two of them the one on the outside who whips me with her claws and the one inside my encasement whom turns my nails claws and teeth fangs.

 

They are both here, one whispers in my ear the failures of my past, and the other writes them upon my body in flame bites and lacerated scratches. In equal distaste, I daren’t turn to either of them. Closed eyes try to find their way back to that mossy island.

 

Even memories are better than reality, a sharp sting slams me back and I reel from the strength she has put behind the slap. Vision dances with rainbow-like shapes, the flit back and forth across the vision of disdain.

 

I want to bury myself in the ground with the dirt of my disgraced piled upon the bones of my shell. I want them to shout their curses at my head and bury me in their hatred, I don’t want to carry on with the emotion she draws from me.

 

I don’t want to carry on in the knowledge that her forceful hand is causing a disgrace to bloom upon my innocence.

 

I want to escape before all innocence is gone, I want to escape before she burns all the exits to the ground and in triumph, and wrenches open the veins of my defeat. She will bring him out soon; I can smell it in the air.

 

It is the smell of demonic fate, I think she knows. I am taken back to the beginning, when I first saw the object of my desire, and when her beady eyes picked out my response and before me smote down the idea with her body of burning seduction.

 

When he looked at me with unrestrained yearning and passion, of which I had not seen as he gazed into the eyes of that she-serpent, I became no more than a part of him. Beating in sync our breathing matched, terrified of meaning I fled.

 

Now she has looked into his eyes and into his memories and has found what I tried to desperately to hide. She will smirk and put her hands around his neck pressing herself flush to him. Turning to me, he will smirk also, throwing hissing flames at me I will burn as the witness to their molten desire.

 

The buildings will crumble as my head falls into my hands; the tears will fall as flames lick across the skin of someone who has lost the ability to feel. They will caress the dying flesh of each other until the last molecule of our lives has burnt to the ground.

 

A floorboard creeks and I am bought from my vision and into the land of my distorted reality, I look down to see blooming poppy bruises have already begun to form on the flesh of my misused body.

 

It is as I thought, she has brought him into the room, she sways her sharpened hips and acts coy. His eyes flicker to mine and instead of looking to the floor, as I know I should, I simply hold his gaze letting no emotion penetrate my iris.

 

There is nothing between us, I think I imagined everything that could have been, his gaze hardens and a storm of anger rolls across the features on his imperfect face. Staring down the right hand of my abuser I let his hatred lash across my skin.

 

Her giggles cut through the air and I let myself drift upon the cloud of acceptance, drifting through the faults of my life, I dip my hand into the pools of my regrets. The dirtied water stains my pores, washing away the ink of meaning.

 

Tribes of insanity worm into my head, upon the alter they sacrifice a girl with haunted eyes, and, unable to do anything I watch. Her eyes meet my own and I see the reflected girl in them, merging in the mind of our attackers, we become the same person.

 

For that time we understand one another. I whistle the macabre tune of my own death, recognition dawns on her face and a timid smile breaks her fragility. There is a beauty beneath the pain, if you look hard enough. My melody wraps itself around the space and I feel the beating drum of wings.

 

The little bird is back, opening the scars upon my body I allow it entry into my chest, carefully it soars into the cage, careful not to damage itself on my edges. I close the door of the cage, and my heart beats once more.

 

Pain is transported around the tendons in my body, but my little bird is back. The little girl is gone, I am alone, and no devilish tribes yearn for a taste of sacrifice. Sitting on the beach of sanity, I throw stones at my borderline as the little bird sings me a song, a song of my past.

Reviews

[Emily B]

you are amazing

[Liza]

You have a poetic flow to your storytelling. I do not usually read stories because of my own focus issues but this was not difficult for me to keep tuned in. I enjoy your style of tension building, matching images with senses of all spectrums of emotion. Your muse through the life of a caged bird is brilliant when comparing it to our soul and deepest hidden desires to fly while the practicalities of life weigh us down as we weigh the options of escaping or staying - allowing something in us to live or putting it to sleep.

[.ronald.039.]

This was dark, powerful, captivating -- everything one searches for within a story. This reminded me of a Burroughs or Danielewski novel, not so much in the actual content but in the way you crafted an alternative reality and made it as vivid and real as any other. You jump between the tangible and intangible realities with such fluidity that the reader can't help but feel every aching piece of sorrow and regret. And in the end, when the bird returns to sing you a song, it's as beautiful a reflective moment as could be expected. I truly enjoyed this story.