Ch 3 in Wings

This is Chapter 3!

Ch 3
My gum's lost it's taste I thought absently, as I slaved over a nonfiction writing assignment. I spat it out into the trash and and spun around in my chair. My room swirled around me. There was my four-poster, there was my dresser, but I mostly saw blue, the color of my walls.
"Ding" my phone buzzed, as I spun. In my attempt to grab for my phone, I slid out of my chair and onto the ground.
"Ouch" I muttered, rubbing my elbows. As I pulled myself into A standing position I glanced at my phone. The text message was from my other best friend, Maggie. Apart from Beatrice and Maggie I had few friends.
"Heyyyy" it read "wanna FaceTime?" No sooner had I read it than my phone started to ring. I hit the answer button and propped it up on my desk. Her pale face came into view on the screen.
"Hi" I said. "How're you?"
"Great" she said."but not as good as Beatrice!
"What happened" I asked.
"well you're not going to believe it but apparently Michelle told Tom and Tom told Jasmine and Jasmine told Beatrice that the new boy was single."
"So?"
"So, there a thing now! I sat, stunned and strangely, sad."Well, thing is a relative term" she said, hesitantly. She kinda just dragged him off without him giving her an answer." That was Beatrice alright. She used to be super shy, but now she had come out of her shell, there was no stopping her. Sudden didn't even begin to describe her. My last name was BFF in her contacts, ten minutes after I met her.
"Well, I have to go, my mom says that dinner's ready. It's, like, takeout, or something tonight"
"Bye!" I said
"Toodles! She replyed.
As she hung up, I saw that I had gotten a new text. It was from an unfamiliar number. It read: "look out your window."

Author's Note

Please, leage a review! I'm only 12, so I would prefer it if you didn't leave anything too bad.

Reviews

[C.]

Hi there, AudgePodge!

I just finished reading the last chapter of your story/book...and I wanted to say - I think you did a really good job, thus far. 😃You can really tell that you enjoy writing... it comes through in your work.

There was a lot that I really enjoyed in your story & your writing...

• I like how you started off with a little first-person, inner dialogue from a main character so readers can go into the story already having some idea of who your character is...& I like how you ended your prologue, giving readers just enough of a hint that something special is going to happen to Sal so they'll want to keep reading.

• You also did a good job at including enough descriptive information to let readers feel like they're right there in the story with your characters, but not so much so that it becomes "over-kill".

• The dialogue between the characters fits with the setting of where your characters are and/or how old they are -- I'm guessing your characters & story are in middle school or high school?

• You're staying true to what it's actually like in middle/high school... i.e. the "mean girl"/bully, being in class just watching & waiting for the clock to tic down and the bell to ring, the hallways being filled with noise while kids are going from one class to the next, etc.

The only thing I seen in your writing that might be a place to improve on is that there were a few spelling & grammatical mistakes...which is something that happens to all of us from time to time. I know I've done the same thing several times when I'm writing... One thing I've found that helps me minimize making those mistakes is:
• When I finish writing something, I type it up on the computer (if that's not where I originally wrote it), print it out (usually setting it to double-spaced -- makes it easier to read through the writing & notice any mistakes), step away from it & go do something else (so I can come back to it with a "fresh pair of eyes"), come back & read through it looking for any mistakes I might've made, & if I find any I either highlight them or circle them, leaving a small note or reminder for myself by the mistake. I even use this to read through my writing & make note of anything I might want to change in the story -- part of a conversation, an experience/situation my characters go through, the order/sequence of how certain things happen, etc.