And I Had Second Thoughts

I walk into the house. A wave of sadness spreads all around me like fog. I think of B.M.I. Am I even made to be B.M.I? Am I even cut out? I immediately erase the thought. Of course I’d be fit to be B.M.I or else I wouldn’t have gotten asked. As a matter of fact I’m remodeling B.M.I it’s going to mine now, not Marcie’s or any of the rest of her crew. It’s going to belong to me. Things will go my way. There will be no more bashing nerds and making them feel bad just because they’re different. From now on we will make them feel welcomed embrace their presence and make them feel at home. I won’t tolerate this any longer. I will make a stand! My speech has gotten me so hype that I run all the way up the stairs into the bathroom. I get in the tub and wash off. I start thinking about my speech. I’m going to do something incredibly stupid. I’m going to say the whole thing in front of the entire B.M.I. I’m not telling the boys though. They’ll try and stop me. I call Laya and Lana and tell them the whole thing. “We think that’s great!” They both shout. We hang up and I go to sleep feeling happier than ever before.

 

I go to school day after day. Three weeks go by in a flash. Aidan and Marcie still have not gotten back together. Aidan and I still see each other and I still go by his house. The Christmas dance is coming up soon and I’m hoping Aidan asks me. I’m getting home from school. I’m following my usual schedule, I go up to my room put mango and papaya bath wash in my bath water and hop in, and Aidan calls. “Hey.”  He says.

“What’s up?” I say.

“Nothing much I’m just thinking.” He says.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask.

“I’m thinking about the dance, cause you see, I can’t be seen going alone this year, that would kill my reputation.” He says.

“What reputation and have you asked anyone, yet?” I ask.

“It’s that little piece of popularity that makes me famous all over the city and no, but that’s why I called you.” He says.

“Oh, is that so?” I say.

“Yeah, will you come to the dance with me, Ms. Durham?” He asks.

“Yes, of course!” I shriek.

“Look, I asked you to a dance, not to get married” He says and laughs.

“Well, that will be next; it’s just a matter of time.” I joke.

“Yeah, in your dreams, Durham” He says. “I don’t think you could handle someone like me for the rest of your life.”

“Oh, whatever, you ain’t nothing to deal with I’ve had tougher pork chops.” I say and grin.

“What’s that supposed to mean.” He says.

“Exactly what I just said.” I say.

“I could always take back my generous offer of taking you to the dance” He says laughing.

“Now, see, that wasn’t funny.” I say.

“Well, must’ve been.” He says.

“Look, I got to go before I drop this phone in my bathwater.” I say.

“Now, that would be a fine picture to frame and stick on my wall.” He says.

“Maybe, later, I’ll think about giving you one.” I say.

“Yea, you think about that.” He says.

“Maybe I will but you have to promise me that you’re the only one that sees it.” I say. This is too funny, truly, I can actually hear him salivating, mouth watering, lip nearly touching the floor at the thought, but if he thinks that’s going to happen that’s just crazy.

“Yea, ok, no one else sees it.” He says, basically, hanging on to my every word.

“Not even Zane or Kane.” I say.

“Not even them.” He says.

“You know what, I think, you’re lying.” I say and laugh.

“No, of course not, but I’ll let you go now; and you think about that, too.” He says laughing. I love me. We say bye and hang up.  I put the phone on the sink, finishing washing, and then I ease out of the tub. I walk up to my room and fall dreamily into my bed.

 

 

 

I turn over, turn up Fancy by Drake, and pick up my phone. I call Teri. I don’t know what’s going on with her but; I haven’t seen her anywhere in at least 5 weeks, or at school. She answers on the 5^th ring as if she didn’t want to but probably should or something. “Hey” she says dully.

“Hey.” I say back.

“What’s up” she says.

“Are you ok?” I ask.

“No, I’m not” She says.

“Can you just say what’s wrong?” I say getting annoyed I don’t like where this is going.

“You’re what’s wrong, you just now called to check on me, you probably were to busy dancing on Aidan, where’s your popular crew, and your popular little boyfriend, your popular little world?” She says sounding bitter.

“I’m sorry Teri, it’s just, I got into B.M.I and so did the twins and we’ve been kind of busy and he is not my boyfriend.” I say.

“Yea, to busy for me, right, is that how it is?” “You and the twins, neither of you thought to call me!” “Am I just nobody to everyone now, sense you’re in the popular clique you have no time for me?!” She screams at me. I feel awful.

“No, that’s not it at all, Teri.” “We haven’t even seen you at school either.”

“I’m not there.” She says.

“What, why not, where are you?” I ask.

“I moved, and you didn’t notice.” She says.

“What do you mean Terri; tell me the “whole” story!” I say upset. She’s sending some confusing signals. I don’t understand a word of what she’s saying. I’m about ready to call it a day and hang up.

“Ok, Jayla, I am not at Beverly anymore, my parents fought unexpectedly one night and eventually dad left and never came back, mom didn’t want the house she says it has to many memories, so we left, we’re not in Atlanta, we’re in Florida.” She says sounding out every syllable as if I’m some kind of emotionally disturbed toddler, then; she unexpectedly bursts out crying, really hard.

“Look, don’t cry Terri, I’m sorry I didn’t know, ok?” “You know I’d never intentionally leave you, right?” I say.

“Don’t cry, don’t crrryyy?!” She shrieks through tears. “Who are you to tell me not to cry, Jayla?” “You’ve always had the perfect little life, the perfect house, car, clothes; you all always had the best of everything!” “I can’t cry, though?” “As for me not knowing that you would never intentionally leave me!” “I did, until you, actually, prove me wrong.” She says still crying crocodile tears.

“I never had a perfect life, Terri, is far more messed up than you could ever know.” “I’m sorry about your parents, but that is no reason at all to be rude.” I say.

“Well, you don’t care about me, I see that now, you stopped caring the moment you walked straight into Beverly’s Most Important’s little arrogant circle, the same one you spoke so strongly against and forgot all about me.” “You can forget me as a friend J’, you and the twins, you got a problem, but don’t even think about texting me.” She says and before I can say anything she hangs up. All I hear is the dial tone. Oh, well I got better things to worry about.  She’ll come around. I turn on Wiz Khalifa’s Roll Up. It’s one of my favorite songs. I start singing it and before I know I’m having an awesome time. I’m dancing now and throwing my arms all around. I have a whole lot of fun by myself. I guess it’s because I’m mostly always alone. Sometimes, I read, sing or dance. Some people hate being alone, but sometimes I find it enjoyable. Other times I hate, you know, the not having any one to talk to part. I used to hate that I had to sit at the lunch table with people I don’t even talk to. It’s tortuous, but things this year better now. I got into B.M.I and I’ll never be alone again if I don’t want to, I’ll never have another lonely day in my life, unless they’re just not around, but I’m glad to be in B.M.I. It sucks to be stuck at table and not talk because you miss your friends and they take a whole different lunch period than you do. It gets boring. B.M.I was the best thing that ever happened to me and I’m not going let it slip away from me. I’ll do all I can to stay and pretty soon I’ll be B.M.I it’ll be mine, but that’s good B.M.I needs a new leader now. Marcie didn’t do her job right and look what happened. She got pushed to low ranks, but I’ll do her job better, I’ll do it all better. I’ll make people noticed. Marcie worked so hard to push nerds aside and now she’s, like, three steps away from being one, but I think they deserve a chance. She’s the reason they act so weird they’re scared of her, of B.M.I, of not being one of B.M.I. It’s pitiful. I pop up out my bed and search around my room. I look at stuff I haven’t seen in years. I look at that old charm bracelet mom bought me 3 years ago. It’s still pretty. Drake’s Up All Night comes on and I start dancing again. I walk over and turn it up real loud. It shakes the walls while I shake my body. All of a sudden I hear a soft knocking. I turn around and look at my window. It’s Aidan. I walk up to it and open it. He climbs off my ladder and comes in. He’s staring in a weird way.  “Hey,” He says as we both sit on the window seat.

“Hey, why are you looking at me like that?” I ask.

“You don’t have on a shirt.” He says still staring. I look down at myself. I’m wearing light pink socks, light purple nighttime shorts that come all the way up my legs that are really short, and a bra that’s light pink.

“You come in my room 1 in the morning and expect me to be dressed?” I say as I run to my drawer and put on a cute sleeveless light blue shirt.

“Well, yea,” He says.

“Well, I wasn’t.” I say and laugh.

“Whatever,” He says and chuckles.

“Why are you here?” I ask.

“My mom got pregnant, went to the hospital and had me and then I came here.” He says and grins wickedly.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” I say throwing one of the pillows from the window seat at him.

“I came because my house is boring and I thought you might be doing something.” He says catching the pillow and sitting it back down.

“I’m not and I can’t believe you know where I live,” I say.

“You’re sure?” “Because it looks like you were having a party up here dancing with no top on and who doesn’t know where one of the richest people in school live.” He says.

“Oh, so you were spying on me dancing?” I ask amused.

“Maybe, a little,” He says.

“Yea, maybe, a lot,” I say. I grab his wrists, pull him up and kiss him. It was awesome, even better than the first time. It was like swirling through the air, just twirling, spinning, and twisting, for a long time until you land in paradise as happy as ever. I pull back and we’re on the floor. How’d that happen? We just sit there, like that, on the floor for a long time. Neither of us said much. We liked mostly every song that came on the I Heart Radio that I downloaded to my phone.  He put his arm around my waist and I sat on his lap. I laid my head on his shoulder, we talked about different songs and it was so nice to listen to music with someone else for once and not be alone. I fell asleep just like that. A dream quickly starts and I’m back in paradise.

 

 

It was nice; well until I’m shaken awake by the sound of my bedroom door opening. I look up. It’s mom. This is just great, like, wow, she would decide to stop by now!

“Why is your lig….,” She abruptly cuts off her sentence once she see’s I’m not alone. I look at Aiden. He looks kind of out of it, so I figure he must’ve fallen asleep to. He looking around, like, he can’t remember how he got here.

“Who is that?” Mom is asking. Aidan flips me off his lap and moves so quick you’d think I was on fire , I jerk back to catch myself  and land right on my butt. I stand up quickly and sit on my bed. I look over and Aidan was already sitting on the other side. Wow, thanks, you just throw me to the wolves. Well, one big powerful wolf in particular.

“He’s Aidan, from school.” I mumble slowly.

“Why, is he in here?” She asks looking confused and upset.

“He just stopped by and I guess we fell asleep.” I say.

“Well, you weren’t going to let us meet your boyfriend?” She asks. I look at Aidan when she said that he looks like he didn’t notice.

“Look, mom, he’s not my boyfriend and besides it kind of late to take him on a tour.” I say.

“Oh, well, what is he someone else’s?” She asks.

“No, we’re just friends.” I say.

“Oh, you never tell me anything anymore.” She says.

“Don’t start, mom,” I say.

“Whatever don’t make this a habit, and nice meeting you Aidan.” She says in a biting tone.

“Yea, it really was a pleasure” He says. Mom doesn’t say anything just shakes her head, rolls her eyes and purposely leaves the door open. She is just so untrusting, like seriously. If she would stay out of her designs she would know what’s going on. All of sudden my thoughts shift to Aidan. What does mom think of him? What does he think of her? Of course mom is probably going on and on about us to dad right now and he’ll just nod and shake his head. She, of course, will just keep on talking. Aidan interrupts my thoughts by saying “Are you going to keep sitting there staring into space?”

“I was thinking besides it’s my room and I can stare into space any time I feel the need.” “You sure didn’t mind staring off into space when mom was in here.” I snap back at him.

“I was not; what were you thinking about?” He asks with a pleasant smile.

“Come find out?” I say. Then, the next thing I know he’s grabbed me by the waist and we’re kissing all over again, all the while the music still plays. Soon after, I fall asleep and I’m in paradise.