Fires Breath

Venting anger at a so-called friend.

 

Feel the flames lick at your heart,
It was never this hot from the start.
But that’s what happens when you play with fire,
You should never have been such a liar.

Lies burning in your chest,
Scorching your conscience like all the rest.
You were destined to feel this pain,
This fire you started you cannot tame.

The truth to your lies flaked away,
Like the happiness you stole it could not stay.
You tore the love that filled your heart,
You never thought you’d regret tearing it apart.
But that’s what happens when you play with fire.
Your heart burned crimson with the flame of desire.

Need burning in your chest,
Scorching your innocence and causing distress.
You were destined to feel this pain,
This fire you started you cannot tame.

You wanted something, so you took it,
You were selfish, no matter how you look at it.
You lied to the people who cared most,
Never realizing that in the end you would pay the cost.
You were the one to betray your friends,
It’s your fault that you lost us in the end.

Loneliness burning in your chest,
You thought you did it for the best.
You were destined to feel this pain.
This fire you started you cannot tame.

Liars burn up within their own lies,
Your guilt cannot be hidden from our eyes.
It was you who chose your fate.
The anger I feel you cannot sedate.

Reviews

[Jean]

Wow! This is really great. :)

The only things I think you might want to look at would be:
The syllables of a couple of your lines are either too long or too short, and they sound odd with the rest of the poem. (i.e. "You never thought you'd regret tearing it apart.", "Never realizing that in the end you would pay the cost.", "It was you who chose your fate.") Read over the parts with these lines, and check some of the other lines in the poem as well. Read over the whole thing a couple times aloud, and see how you feel about it, and make changes where you see appropriate.
Next, you should look at Stanza Five. It's very blunt compared to the rest of the poem, and I can see that its meant to explain what the poem is really about, but I don't think you need it to be so straight forward. Also, the whole fire, hell-like, image was broken in this stanza. There were no allusions to heat (fire, burning, etc.) in that stanza which you have in ALL the other ones. Play around with this stanza, and see if you can make it better? :)
The only other thing is look over some of the punctuation. There are some places where you need semi-colons, and others where you could use commas instead of period so that it flows nicer.

I really liked the image you brought forth with this, and the poem really portrays the speaker's anger. The metaphors were really creative. :) It's a wonderful piece of writing. However, every piece of writing can be improved!

I hope this helps! Mail me if you need anything. :)
Keep writing!

[Edalene Connell]

I love this. You written this well, the emotion was great!

[Taylor H]

this is really good, but of course your just really good at poems

[Sarah]

yeah... I love it. Not only because I know who it's about, but because it's amazing. :D You rock at life!

[NoOneSpecial]

I love the metaphor of the flame in all of it's use.
Great work.

[Vaishali..^_^]

this one is very well written...nice work..!

[Jenthura]

ouch, I would hate to be this guy, and yeah, it does show a lot of emotion. How on earth you got your emotions down into writing without the anger burning your pen, surprises me... LOL I am surprised.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This poem is really so very well penned, I loved its structure and flow a lot....its very appealing to the reader.
Great work :)