Voids of a Course

An old poem I have about my Ex.

What is this ceaseless void in my chest?
Why can’t I breathe when I look at your face?
Why does my heart still flutter at your name?
And why does my love remain in vain?

I want answers to these questions;
to put my mind to rest.
My heart cannot let go.
It just flops to and fro.

Love to Hate- then back again.
You are a drug that relapses in my system.
Your indifference causes pain.
But from you, I can’t abstain.

We can be friends,
but I’ll always want more.
Your Kiss, Your Touch,
your everything.

You bring out the most vulnerable side of me.
You expose it for all to see.
You know I love you still.
You could bury me at your will.

Reviews

[Jean]

This is a really good poem. :D I love your choice of diction, and the emotion you put into it. Such as how you say 'this ceaseless void'. That was good. x] Also the poem is definitely relate-able, and that's always a plus. I definitely know how you feel.

Though you may want to look at your use of punctuation; you don't need something at the end of /every/ line.
Also you use a lot of end-stoppers, and that can hurt the flow of a poem. Enjambment is a fun thing; try it out? :)
The only other thing you'll want to play around with is syllables. When lines are too short (especially when you don't use enjambment) it can sound weird. The same thing with when the are too long. Read through the poem aloud a couple times, and see if you hear what I mean. Remember that since you wrote the poem, you know to read some lines faster, when their longer, and slower when their shorter. However if someone else were to read this the first time, they wouldn't know that, and it would cause them to stumble over the words which isn't good.

Hope this helped!
Feel free to review some of my work as well. :)

[Taylor H]

[Shelby Baker]

I really like this poem alot! i understand where your coming from and i know others will also connect with it :)