Sensations

There's a weird pleasure about loving someone who doesn't love you,
it's a permanent high.
At first it's the burning sensation in the back of your throat,
as if that burning sensation can't get any more intense,
it does.
With each deep inhale your throat numbs and swells...as you fall into a demo of happiness.
It's always just a demo,
because the full price is $2.99 a minute...
So instead you pay nothing for the demo,
to you the simulator is enough to get you through the day with a fake smile plastered against your face.
Then it becomes a routine, a terrible habit.
You scream into the stars each night, filling your heart with pain,
the pleasure has left, or was the pleasure really there?
Was it just part of the simulation?
Now it's killing you,
each and every time you think about it,
as soon as someone speaks about it,
it feels as if you're falling into a deeper state of extinction.
Lively waves of sobriety pass over you but your arms are tied down you cannot grasp it, pulling you deeper.
You're too afraid of confessing your addiction,
so you keep on your habit...
even though you're in a constant state of not living but dying, your life on a pause since day one.
As these days pass your life sort of withers away into nothingness.
The smell of the end just a foot away.
Then you realize that all this time you've been trying but failing each time, digging yourself a deeper hole...
trying to climb out but the earth above is just a tiny hole,
the illusion of you getting out swims in your head,
becoming a dream,
not so much a goal anymore.
It's just an idea that sits in the back of your brain.
You give up on trying to get out because you're stuck...
you took seventeen shots of vodka to forget their name,
but instead ended up forgetting your own,
and drunk or sober in the end we are all still intoxicated on the idea of love, and we think that only love could heal our brokenness.
-Madison Wagner

Reviews

[Alexis Rose]

This is so true...I love it. Keep it up.