Smut and Swears a dangerous threat to our Society and Children! (SATIRE)

Editorial: Smut and Swears a dangerous threat to our Society and Children

   The release of the movie Aztec Ritual Blood Sacrifice 4 yesterday inspired a wave of angry parents groups and politicians to call for its removal from store shelves. Praised for its realistic depictions of graphic dismemberment and its glamorization of religious atrocities, the film was however rightly slammed for its use of profanity and its depiction of two unmarried Aztec’s kissing.

   According to parents group "The Anti Hanky-Panky and Cussin' Association", the film is "a disgusting reminder of how utterly potty-mouth humanity is in those dark ages.” Group spokeswoman Abigail Johnson went on to add:"It filth like this that turning our children into potty mouth homosexuals and other sexual deviants with a poor word use ability." She proceeded to cite a detailed and highly credible study of sexual activity and swearing by the Vatican in the early 1500’s, which pointed to the aforementioned sins as being part of a larger ritual to manifest the Antichrist.

   More concerned with the occasional uses of swearing in the movie, "The Parents for Clean Language League", famous for their proposal to edit the foul language from the film Pulp Fiction so it could be used as a learning tool in elementary school classrooms, protested the game by taking to the streets of Topeka, Kansas. Marching in harmonious synchronization with their jackboots clicking together, they sounded gloriously reminiscent of the Nazi’s marching across the streets of Germany. When several hippie liberal communist websites commented on this, Eric Norwell remarked:”It’s the first steps towards the final solution for the good of the Fatherland. Our protest will help bring about a thousand year utopia”.

Needless to say, our less patriotic peers were terrified at this shining display of nationalism.

David Lyman (R-OH) used this controversial point to heroically spread fear and hatred of Hollywood and the secret Muslim cartels which controls it to increase his already well earned popularity. He called on families to take to the streets and use their second amendment rights to seize control of the media by force. In a depressing turn of events, the socialist government arrested them for waving their second amendment rights around in a stunning display of masculine power.

Despite this failure, Lyman did not give up his noble efforts and introduced intelligent legislation which would ban filthy words and sexual acts in media.

“It’s for the children.” said Lyman in an interview with Fox News. “If I learned anything while working as a catholic priest, it's that the children are the most important part of our society.”

Proving his convictions to help the children, Lyman introduced his plans for a boy scout-esque group known as the Junior Anti-Sex (and swearing) League to combat sex and potty language. Their first task, according to Lyman, would be to edit Schindler’s List of objectionable content. “The horrors of the Holocaust are historical events which all children need to know,” commented Lyman, “but the inclusion of naked jewish men running in circles and the profanity used by the characters are historically and sociologically inaccurate.”

With David Lyman’s legislation reaching deserved record levels of popularity from the public and Congress, it seems as if the socialist thugs of Barack Hussein Obama cannot stop justice from being served.

If I learned anything in my twenty years as a sheltered and brainwashed child, it’s that sex and swearing are bad, and that horrific violence is a fundamental cornerstone of our society.

Think of the children, as David Lyman does.