The Whistle Blower

I love idioms and I think they enhance language. I hate jargon, TLAs and business talk. This was written as an exercise to use as many as possible with the purpose of creating a hideous glut.

Health warning this product contains idioms which might create an adverse reaction.

The Whistle Blower.

 

Derek stared blankly at the screen of his lap top. He was gob-smacked and at his wits end. Out of the blue, his line manager had sent a text reminding him that the department’s monthly report was due in by 18.00 hrs that evening. In his absence, it had been decided that it was up to him, it seemed he had drawn the short straw and …….that he had better get his finger out and put his back into it as no one else would be around to lend a hand.

This was the last straw.

 

Grabbing the phone.

 

“ Uh-huh, I hear what you say, level with me… so the bottom line is it’s my neck on the block….Mr McCann…er… Jerry… at the end of the day…. Um…If I don’t play ball….you won’t scratch my back… OK be straight with me…. You’re going to have to give me some sort of ball park figure…. I’ve got to have something to get my teeth into…. You what? Clear? Oh yes, clear as mud…. And stop giving me that bull. Oh yes what…. Lie? Oh sorry, be economic with the truth…. Creative accountancy? Blue-sky thinking out of the box? Are you completely out to lunch? You won’t be able to pull the wool over their eyes this time….. Oh yes of course, it’s going to be my report.  I’ll be in for the chop. Sounds like a lose-lose Catch-22 situation…. Well it’s blackmail as far as I can see. You must be barking…… Just get off my back will you!”

 

Enraged

Derek slammed the phone down.

Fuming, deep in thought:

 

“I’m fed up to the back teeth with his continual badgering. He’s really got a nerve. What does he take me for? He needs a dose of his own medicine. How come he expects me to do all his donkey work …… always keeping me in the dark…… especially when there’s nothing in it for me? I’ve got to get this all off my chest. He’s always pulling my leg and bringing me down in front of others.

He’s always taking the Mickey. He throws his weight around too much. Why do I put up with such a rat? Jerry McCann has taken the piss once too often. What’s more every deal he does is dodgy. …. He’d sell his grandmother, given half the chance.”

 

It was beginning to dawn on him.

 

He knew he was no high flier, but he was nobody’s fool. Right from the start he had got off on the wrong foot. He never had been the company’s blue-eyed boy and had never worked hand-in-glove with any of his colleagues. He didn’t see eye-to-eye with any of them. Most of the time he felt like a fish out of water, but then he was too long in the tooth to care a hoot. He had no taste for arse-licking, he didn’t have the nose for it. Here everyone looked out for number one. Time he did the same.

 

This wasn’t the first time he had fallen foul of the firm, but that was another story, save to say that he had ended up carrying the can for the actions of senior management before. He was always being taken for a mug, but no longer, his “cup runneth over”.

 

He could feel the heat. Derek knew he was probably on the verge of being fired. He had already refused redundancy during the last recession since then he had held on only by the skin of his teeth. This latest debacle would be the icing on the cake. He had heard through the grapevine that the CEO had already smelled a rat and he was out for blood. As things stood it was bound to be him: Sooner or later, and he was not planning to be a victim. A sea change was afoot. This was his time.

 

At 16.13 hrs:

He put pen to paper.

It was all so crystal clear. In a blinding flash, he had formulated his cunning master plan. If this was the last thing he did, he was going to make sure, willy-nilly, that Mr Jerry McCann and all the other greasy dip-sticks were going to go down as well.

At 17.00 hrs:

Home-time.

Derek Oldfield was going to let the cat out of the bag and open up a can of worms. He knew he was digging his own grave but he was not prepared to hang about while the dust settled. He wasn’t going to stick around and wait for heads to roll. This was it. “Let the feeding frenzy begin!”

At 17.26 hrs:

He attached the doctored report and e-mailed the board (on time) with the briefest of notes and BCCed it to the BBC and the SFO adding subject :” THERE ARE LIES, DAMNED LIES AND STATISTICS”. SEND.

At 17.41 hrs:

He sealed his letter of resignation.

At 17.44 hrs:

He phoned for a cab.

At 17.47 hrs:

He cleared his life into a cardboard box. He walked out into the now silent corridor ignoring the persistant telephone ringing on his empty desk. Smiling to himself he took the lift to the ground floor, he put his letter in the internal mail-box. He called out in a cheery voice: “Good-bye” to anyone within ear-shot. A lonely security guard looked up, as he reached the automatic doors.

Dead on the dot of 18.00 hrs, he stepped outside.

 

It was pouring cats and dogs, the rain was coming down in stair rods as he jumped into the waiting taxi. Thinking about the s**t he had left behind, he leaned forward and, with a wry smile and a touch of irony, gently said, “Step on it!”

Reviews

[Carly]

Haha this is awesome! Derek seems like just the kind of person who would use a lot of idioms. Sometimes if I'm trying to rush and get a paper finished, I realize that I start to use a lot of idioms in my writing (which I usually try to avoid) so it's interesting to see you use them in this context.

[Carolann Dowsett]

Very cleaver, enjoyable and a breeze to read. I loved it, your creativity really shines through here.

[AYVID N]

What I loved was the story so the idioms just kind of flowed with it...

I wish I could do what he did! I have a promotion due this month this year and I know I am going to be passed up for another year. I cannot be as brave as the protagonist here so... He's my hero!!!

Thanks for sharing this entertaining write!

[CreativeStroke]

I liked this story, even with so many idioms used. :)

[Salar Majak]

LOL, a LOT of idioms XD but all used in the right place, i loved the irony at the end of this story, it was realy funny, in the end, this is really a beautiful story, it does gives you a slight headache because of all the idioms though XD
great one :)

[Richard Man]

I originally wrote this story for students learning English at an advanced level.... as a stimulus to explore idioms and their use.... and because of the universality of the story.... It could have been in any English speaking country or any other developed or developing industrial/economic/business/bureaucratic country in the world.
I had some students from different European countries and I worked on the idioms of death to encourage the humour of death. Look at these English idioms to indicate that someone has died. "Shuffle off this mortal coil", "To pop one's clogs." " To snuff it" "To drop dead" "To kick the bucket" and "To push up daisies" but to name a few.

[Salar Majak]

:D i think you have made an excellent jobs, idioms can be so hard to learn the meanings of at times, specially when English is your second language like my case :P, but coming to realize it,i can really tell you that this way is truly an original one showing how fun it could be :)

[Richard Man]

I'm back after a 7 year break