Red Roses

I tried to see where I could add who I collaborate with. Name is Billy

My red, red rose,

My heart beats uncontrollably.
It's hard for me to stay composed,
Waiting to show you all of me.

So I sit here watching sun rise,
Albeit slowly. It's shy, I surmise;
Either that or there's too much cloud!
Maybe it's a little early, like,
Like your desire -
Takin' far too long to catch fire.

But I come to you with delicate care,
Spreading my petals like sweet perfume.
Watch as I flourish and never presume,
Just follow the scent that fills the room.

It follows a challenge my red red rose,
That our passion may grow and grow.
It needn't be a fragile thing,
To understand what love can bring

Author's Note

Honest feedback please

Reviews

[Twilight]

Well, certainly a passionate write. Perhaps, written spontaneously and from the heart? Although, not completely in rhythm or rhyme; it's in a verse structure. It seems too, that you have a fondness for red? After all, it's a colour with different connotations in different contexts; generally associated with "strong" emotions. Overall, the subject seems to be about how passion can develop? Love can sometimes be challenging too, and can be a slow burn as people sometimes say; taking "far too long to catch fire" (as you suggested). Where you referred to "too much cloud", were you referencing the prospect of uncertainty or doubt in your mind? Of course, only the writer knows for sure. Make of this review, what you will.

[Fia Naturie]

Thank you for critiquing
The poem is about how passion can grow. Yes, too much cloud was a metaphor for the uncertainty in the relationship's progress. I tend to write spontaneously, and Billy is a more crafted writer, so this collaboration merged well.

[Abhilash Hegde]

Great job, Fia. I loved reading it right from start to the end - My red, red rose, many feelings arose, it ain't a faint heart to challenge, there is desire with passion to avenge! This is pure poetry in flow, the rhyme, meter and the muse, everything comes along beautifully well. It's delicate in touch, so enticing to read line by line, I could feel the emotions and all of the more. These lines weave a magic for me.
"Maybe it's a little early, like,
Like your desire -
Takin' far too long to catch fire."
Wonderfully done! Thanks for sharing.

[Fia Naturie]

Thank you so much for the review. I appreciate it.

[Thomas W Case]

Beautiful work. Powerful.

[Fia Naturie]

Thank you Thomas, appreciate your comments

[Relic]

The allure of a woman can be a strong one if a man is receptive and wise enough to know the right one in his midst.

Well done, Fia. :)

[Fia Naturie]

Thank you Relic