Snuffing the Ember

The finished product of the feelings I have when a life is taken too soon.

 

The human soul is such a delicate thing.

It creates an ember of ever burning beauty, brimming.

Those embers twist, embrace, collide and combine,

Creating a light that is purely divine.

 

The souls of youth burn with blinding brilliance.

They are young, carefree and stubborn in essence.

Vibrant, exuberate, their embers pulsate and glow.

Their lives are full, almost musical, and that lantern echoes.

 

Every once and again, too often, so it seems

A force will come along to abruptly stuff the gleam.

Jealous of the freedom and jubilance that all youth contain

It barrels toward them with exceeding power like a madman at the helm of a train.

 

Sometimes they are lucky and the light leaves quickly.

Other times is dwindles, slowly and sickly.

The embers of other souls flicker as the pain sets in.

Anger, sorrow, never saying good bye, the void spreads within.

 

We may stand guard at their beds, pleading for change.

Weeping over tubes and IVs, haphazardly arranged.

We hold the hands that cannot squeeze and kiss mouths that do no move,

Praying, to any God who'll hear, that this condition will soon improve.

 

Yet the ever bitter force is consistent to the end.

It waits silent in dark corners, ready to transcend.

While your head rests on the bed dreaming they will awaken,

You miss the force that slipped past you and the last breath that was taken.

 

Now all that's left to fill empty hearts are memories and dreams.

The ember's snuffed, the child is gone, and tears pour out in streams.

That powerful force slips away laughing, another young soul taken out

While we're left standing, a faint flicker, the taste of ashes dry in our mouth.

Author's Note

Very personal. Critique, but be gentle.

Reviews

[JRB]

Heart wrenching, young life's lost. Their flames burned out to soon. "While we're left standing, a faint flicker, the taste of ashes dry in our mouth." this was what i felt to, nice write, enjoyed the read,
Jan/uisiom

[Natalie C]

A true Rachel Hays original!
My dear friend, I can just imagine what a painful write this had to be for you specially after saying that this was a very personal piece for you. Honestly I cannot find anything to critique about this, it was beautiful.

Heart wrenching, young life's lost. Their flames burned out to soon. That is why your closing line left me with a bitter taste as you so brilliantly said;

"While we're left standing, a faint flicker, the taste of ashes dry in our mouth."

I think the hardest part of losing someone dear and near to you (specially when they are still young) is finding a way to go on with your normal daily routines.

Beautiful my friend, simply beautiful

*HUGS*
Just in case you need one!

[Chrity]

Woa great piece!!
my favorite part
"The souls of youth burn with blinding brilliance.
They are young, carefree and stubborn in essence.
Vibrant, exuberate, their embers pulsate and glow.
Their lives are full, almost musical, and that lantern echoes."

[Trée]

Beautifully penned. Hauntingly gorgeous. Evocatively searing. Rachel, you've done a wonderful job here. Nice work.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Very nicely written. Good job. I like the rhyming and the message the poem puts forth. Thank you for sharing. Debileah