Rotten

Up to down,
Dysfunction suffocates even a tender heart.
To want and have,
Not of selfish desire, but desire for happiness,
And it burns.
In the depths of this rotting carcass you once made healthy, it burns.
The love I still have,
Compared to the love I once knew,
And the passion I felt,
It dwindles like the remnants of pale flames in a heaping smokestack.
It fades like the beautiful faces of the w****s who bore us.
The tears always dry,
But the tracks they leave behind recollect only the junkie who pumps heroin through his veins.
An ill attempt to take away the pain.
A temporary release from that inner demon,
Dismantling you from the inside.
Never free to make the choice that will kill us both soundly,
But unwilling to be bound by anger, shackled by sadness, and imprisoned by emotion.
Where do we go from here?

Reviews

[Wildecat]

This is superb writing, a total pleasure to read your poetry.

[Trée]

Rachel, I love the in-your-face blunt rawness of this poem, a cold slap that snaps the head, waters the eyes and strikes quick as lightning in a blue sky. I like writing that skates on the edge of anger and despair and does it with attitude. Many excellent turns of phrase: w****s that bore, tears always dry, dysfunction suffocating, dismantling from the inside--each of these paints depth and texture into your work, giving it life, dry tears or not.

[Joseph - Michael]

"Unwilling to be bound by anger, shackled by sadness, and imprisoned by emotion"? That's the only line that got my attention almost completely, because I can related to it almost well enough...

Anyway, it's pretty good, but somehow, there's something that I can't quite point out, there's something that's need to be adjusted, and there's something else that's missing as well. Don't ask me what or why. I guess maybe it's what I'm feeling, so don't mind me...

On the other hand, it's still good though...