The Afterlife

This story was not meant to insult any religion. It is but one of the infinite amounts of perceptions anyone can take on the afterlife.

                I really haven’t had the greatest life.

                Well, in reality, greatest is perspective: What I consider great compared to what others consider great is… different. When I’m saying that I haven’t had the greatest life, I’m saying that because that’s how other people view my life. I, however, think that I’ve had a pretty good life.

                To start things off, I was never religious. My family wasn’t, my friends weren’t, so I wasn’t really introduced to religion until I was out of college, and, you know, getting a major in evolutionary sciences kind-of makes me an atheist by definition. Even so, one of my distant friends, I didn’t know how we even met, invited me to go to his church. Being the nice guy I was, I got all dressed up on Sunday and went. Personally, I wasn’t overjoyed with the service. This friend, I can’t even recall his name, was super catholic and was like trying to recruit me for his holy army against sin. I wasn’t on board for all this so I decided to say no and generally ignore my friend for the rest of my rather short lifespan.

                This is where I get to the current problem. My friend always said, “Don’t be an atheist. If atheists are right, then you just rot away and die, but if they are wrong, they go to hell. If religious people are right, they go to heaven, but if they are wrong, then they just die and rot away anyways. So why not be religious and go to heaven?” I, of course, saw reason in this.

                Even though his opinion was valid, I did not have the time, nor the interest, to be a really good Christian. So I took my chances, and didn’t go to church. Ever again.

                That was one of my bigger mistakes, I do believe.

                So there I was, dying, on the sidewalk, thinking about whether my friend was right or not. I never thought I would be thinking about my friend right before I was about to die, but I guess it was the only thing I could really focus on, besides the pain of my stab wound or the fact I was bleeding out. Thinking about that kinda made me scared. I mean, from what I’d heard about hell, if I actually get sent there, that would suck, right? Like, eternal suffering isn’t exactly preferable to just… ceasing to exist.

                But I guess, at that point, there was nothing I could’ve done, because either way, I was dying.

                That’s when I considered why I was dying in the first place. It wasn’t really my fault, why I got stabbed, because I mean, I never thought he would find out about it, but I guess he did, because when one of his goons jumped me on the way home from my work, which took me by surprise, he said, “You ain’t neva gonna f**k nobody’s b***h again.” Then ran off with the bloody knife in his hands. Funny really, why it had to be him, because I knew the guy. I’m not saying I did drugs, because I didn’t, but I was just involved with them because of my job.

                You see, having a degree in evolutionary biology doesn’t get you careers in the Detroit area, and I was unable to move because of the fact that I didn’t have a job, so, in order to get some fast cash, I got involved in the… prostitute business. Yes. There you have it. I was a pimp, so what? It was a method to get money so I could leave this god-forsaken place and actually pursue a career that I actually wanted. I guess that didn’t really work out for me, now did it? So yeah, not the greatest life.

                The last thought that crossed my mind, besides feeling freezing cold was, “Damn. I probably shouldn’t have had sex with the drug lord’s girlfriend.”

                Then I died right then and there, right on the sidewalk, all covered in blood and shanked.

                I woke up in this room. It was really plain, like brown walls, two chairs, one table, a wooden floor, and this one huge door. It kinda had the feel of an interrogation room. I felt around for my stab wound, or any blood, and it was all gone. I was just standing in this room, in my street clothes, looking at this giant door.

                I stepped back when I heard the door knob turn, but composed myself when a normal-sized man walked though. He was a plain middle-aged man, in a plain gray t-shirt and jeans. He had gray-ish hair with a gray beard/mustache combo. He was wearing thick-rimmed glasses, and was holding a large file in his hand.

                “Collin James Deant.” He said, setting down the large file in the middle of the table, and sitting down across from me. “Take a seat.” I sat down. He waited for me to ask a question, most likely looking for a ‘where am I?’, or an ‘am I dead?’, but I did not ask. I had a reasonable idea on who the man was. It was strange, looking at him, because I never thought, but always knew this day would come.  “You disappoint me, Collin.” He said after a long while, “The method in which you lived your life, and died, is… unfavorable to others.”

                “So?” I responded. I knew I couldn’t be all submissive to this guy.

                “Just an observation.” He told me, “Do you know where you are, Collin?”

                “I have an idea.” I said back. He gestured for me to respond and I did, “I’m dead. There is no doubt about that. Since I’m not in complete darkness and my consciousness is still here, I’m going to assume you are God, and this is some sort of purgatory, or some place to determine where I’m heading.”

                “You have quite the aptitude, Collin,” God said, “And I respect that you can keep your cool in front of me.”

                “What can I say? I know how to act in front of people with extraordinary power.”

                “That is… not incorrect.” God said, “As reflected in your life. You have a special talent for this, sure, but I’m not sure having an affair with your boss’s spouse was… a good decision.”

                “They weren’t married.” I told him.

                “That is again, not incorrect.” God responded.

                “What am I doing here, God?” I said abrubtly, “If you are what they say, you should know exactly where to send me as soon as I kick the bucket. What is with this ‘interrogation room’ façade?”

                “I’m simply giving you the opportunity to argue your case.” God said, then paused, “Or beg for forgiveness.”

                “So you’re saying I should regret my own life?”

                “I’m saying you should consider it, especially viewed by my eyes.”

                “You’re gonna send me to hell for not being Christian?” I raised my eyebrow, “For not having a Christian family, or not living a Christian life?”

                “I gave you the opportunity to become Christian and you rejected it.” God said, “If you would’ve accepted-“

                “Bull s**t you gave me the opportunity.” I interrupted him, “You’re saying you sent my dead-beat hyper-Christian friend to show me the light, and you actually expected me to follow it? I mean come on God, if you really wanted everyone to convert to your religion you would just appear in the damn sky and say ‘Hi! I exist!’ and that would be that.”

                “That’s not the point.” God argued, “I gave humans free will. In appearing to them, I am only going against a promise.”

                “Then why send people to hell in the first place?” I argued back, “I mean, do Buddhists go to hell? Do Muslims go to hell? Do atheists go to hell just because they believe in something else, even if they haven’t had the chance to convert?”

                “This isn’t about humanity, Collin, this is about you.”

                “I’m just saying, God, you could be way more efficient with this ‘conversion’ thing. I mean come on, you are an all-powerful being. If you really wanted everyone to go to heaven you would at least have some influence, or you wouldn’t make it so damn hard to get there.”

                “I give everyone the opportunity to convert, no matter who they are or where they live. I always give them an opportunity, and whether or not they choose it determines their fate.”

                “So the people that did 9/11, they went to hell? They went to hell for fighting for their God, who is pretty much the same as you. They went to hell for believing in something, and giving their life for it?”

                “They murdered hundreds of people.”

                “And the crusaders didn’t?” I countered, “The romans didn’t? Hell, we even killed your own son.”

                “I’m not here to argue with you, Collin.”

                “Really?” I looked around, “Because it sure seems you are, with the interrogation room, and the giant file on the desk, and your opener: ‘You disappoint me, Collin’. You do all of this, and expect me to beg for forgiveness? To try and retract all my ‘sins’? To have eternal regret for a life that I chose to live, and the sins that I chose to make? You talk about giving us free will, and then you send us to hell for making choices.”

                “I send you to hell for making the wrong choices.”

                “Then how the hell is that free will!?” I was nearly shouting, “Goddamnit just send me to hell right now if you think that is, at all, any form of free will.”

                “Fine.” God stood, took the file off the table, and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

                “You know what?” I shouted after him, “I’ll burn in hell for the rest of my eternity, I don’t give a s**t! At least I have the satisfaction of making God walk out on me.”

                That’s when everything went silent. I sat in the interrogation room for a while, not entirely sure what to do. After a couple of minutes, or at least it seemed to be a couple of minutes, I stood and walked over to the door. It was unlocked, I knew that, and when I opened it, nothing but a dark void loomed before me. “So this is it.” I said to myself, “Either I stay in that purgatory, that room for eternity, or I go to hell. What a choice God has given me.” Then I jumped.

***

                I awoke to the sound of muffled music. I was in a supply room, like the back room of a store, and the music was coming from the door at the end of the room. Is this hell? I thought to myself. Curiosity took the better of me so I walked over to the door and opened it. The music boomed through my ears now that the door was no longer muffling the sound, and I looked out of the back room to see what looked like a nightclub. There were flashing lights, loud music, dancing everywhere, and a ton of people. Confused, I walked around, searching for some answer on to where I was, and I happened upon the large booth tables, where a shady-looking man was fiddling with his lighter. There was a joint in his hands, and he was trying to light it, but his lighter wasn’t working. “Eh, man. Got a light?” The shady man asked me as I walked by.

                “I’m not sure-“ I felt around in my pockets, and noticed a bulge in my right one. I removed a zippo lighter from it. There was a picture of a devil on the front, and it read “Demon’s Dive”.  “Um… here you go.” I lit the zippo and his joint. “Hey, do you know where exactly this is?”

                The shady man took a long hit from his joint, then responded, slowly, “This is Hell, man. You new round here?”

                “Yeah… I just got here.”

                “Sit down.” The man shifted to the opposite end of the booth, and I sat down across from him. “Wondering where you got that lighter?” he gestured to my zippo that I was clutching in my hand.

                “Yeah.” I said, “I never had one like this before.”

                “Well that right there means you are in hell.” He said, “Everybody’s got one, and everybody’s is different. See?” He showed me his lighter, which had a woman on the front of it. The words inscribed on his lighter were, “Minerva’s Nightclub”. “Yours says ‘Demon’s Dive’, I noticed. That means you’re a demon.”

                “A demon?”

                “Yeah.” He said, “You must’ve pissed off God pretty bad to get that on your lighter. You see, I was just a drug-e and a sex addict in my life, so I got Minerva’s Nightclub. Your lighter is kind-of a… status checker. I’m lower on the spectrum, for a Nightclub, and a drug-e. You are much, much higher. I got no idea why you landed here with a lighter like that.”

                “So what it says on my lighter determines my place in Hell?”

                “Your social place, man.” He took another hit of his joint, “You can go anywhere in Hell. I could stop off at Demon’s Dive anytime, or maybe go over to Fire Run if I want. Hell is pretty free, man. I just like the ladies here. Some of the best women hang out here. There are some places, though, that you can’t go as a Clubber, like me. But you… you can go anywhere man, since you a demon.”

                “So this lighter determines my place? What if I lose it, or it gets stolen?”

                “That can’t happen here man.” The shady man took my lighter. “Watch.” He threw it across the nightclub and into the trash bin on the other side. “Now check your pocket.” I felt my pocket and it was there. I pulled it back out. “See? Hey �" hey!” He suddenly shouted to a waitress passing by. She stopped and walked over to us, “Get me another joint, will ya? And get this demon a drink.”

                The waitress nodded, and left. “If this is hell, why are people working?” I asked when she was out of sight.

                “You gotta have money to refill your lighter, man.” The shady guy said, “Because without your lighter fluid, you don’t have keys to anywhere. Everything is free here, except your lighter fluid.”

                “So I just gave you…?”

                “Yeah man.” He laughed, “But since you a demon, you got a ton of that s**t. Like a ton. I ain’t never seen a demon run out of fluid. And if it does, you can go get Lucifer to refill it for you, for free. You’re set here, man, for eternity.”

                At that time the waitress came back with a beer and a joint. She gave the beer to me and the joint to the shady guy. “You better watch those joints, Tobias.” The waitress advised, “Or you are gonna run out of fluid before paychecks come in tomorrow.”

                “Yeah, yeah.” Tobias snatched up my lighter and lit his joint.

                “So you’re a demon, right?” The waitress asked me.

                “Yeah, I guess so.”

                “What brings a demon to this side of town?” She leaned against the side of the table.

                “I kinda just got here.” I shrugged.

                “Oh so you’re a newbie then?” The waitress laughed, “Well I’ll be damned.” Hah. The irony. “Why would God drop you down here?”

                “I kind-of told him he was inefficient and stomped on his whole ‘free will’ testament.”

                This made the waitress laugh again, “Well no wonder you are a demon then. Lucifer must’ve been pretty proud of you.”

                “Yeah, I’m not entirely sure that is a good thing.” I cracked open my beer and took a drink. Best damn beer I ever tasted.

                “Well, now it is.” The waitress said, “You got dropped down here for a reason, and you’re gonna be down here for eternity, so make the most of it. Lucifer owns this place, and if a demon like you is on good terms, you better be sure that’s a good thing. Trust me.” The waitress removed her lighter out of her pocket, “See?” She showed it to me, “I’m a Mistress. We are about two ranks down from Demon. This guy you are talking to is near the bottom of the heap.”

                “Hey, a Clubber ain’t that low!” Tobias argued.

                “Halfway, at least.” The waitress shrugged, “He’s probably in the bottom 40 percent.”

                “Well the bottom 40 percent is more than 70 percent of the population here.” Tobias said, “Keep that in mind.”

                “Yeah, yeah.” The waitress rolled her eyes, “So what’s your name, Demon?”

                “Collin.”

                “Strange name for a demon.” The waitress said, “Even so, you’re new here so you probably haven’t gotten around to changing it. My name’s Sandrina.”

                “Pleasure.”

                “I assure you the pleasure is all mine.” Sandrina smiled at me. That created a small moment of silence. Tobias took a hit of his joint, and I took another drink of my beer. Sandrina just shook her head, “So you off to Demon’s Dive?”

                “I don’t even know where that is.” I said.

                “You’ll find it, trust me.” Sandrina said, “All the new demons are drawn to that place.”

                “So Collin.” Tobias changed the subject abruptly, “How’d you die?”

                “How’d you?”

                “Overdose.” Tobias smiled a little, “Heroin.”

                “Sandrina?”

                “AIDS.” She waited for me to answer, “Well? Spit it out.”

                “I got shanked.” I said.

                “How did you get shanked?” Tobias asked.

                “I was a pimp/drug dealer in my life.”

                “S**t really?” Tobias said.

                “Yeah…” I trailed off, “It was for the money. I went to college and everything, and got a degree in evolutionary biology, but it wasn’t making enough money-”

                “Woah, you were an evolutionary biologist turned drug dealer?” Tobias said, “S**t man, that’s some hardcore Breaking Bad s**t. Damn.”

                “It was for the money. Anyway, my boss, he was some huge drug lord, he had this girlfriend-“

                “I think I know where this is going…” Sandrina said.

                “He had this girlfriend,” I continued, “And… we kinda had sex. And he found out. And he sent one of his goons to kill me after work one day. I died, bleeding out on a sidewalk in Detroit.”

                “Damn.” Sandrina said.

                “Yeah.” We paused for a moment. I took another drink of my beer, and Tobias finished his joint. Sandrina was twisting her hair in her hands. “So Demon’s Dive.” I continued, “Can you point me in the right direction?”

                “Sure.” Sandrina said, “Follow me.” I stood, “See ya later, Tobias.”

                “Yeah, yeah.” Tobias waved over another waitress as we left. Sandrina and I pushed through the dense crowd in the nightclub until we reached the back door. “All you gotta do is go to the end of the alleyway and turn right. Take a taxi or something down to 666^th street. You’ll see it from there.”

                “What street are we on now?”

                “198^th.” Sandrina smiled, “Don’t you worry. You’ve got an eternity to get there.”

                “Thanks.” I said, and opened the door.

                “Hey.” Sandrina stopped me, “You sure you don’t want to stay for a little while longer? I’ve never had a demon before.”

                “Tempting, but maybe another time.” I declined.

                “Remember, you’ve got an eternity.” Sandrina rose an eyebrow, “So I should be seeing you sometime or another.”

                “Goodbye.” I waved, and shut the door behind me.

                I walked down the rather long alleyway into the streets, and this was my first real view of hell. It was, in every way, a huge, infinite city. The street before me stretched outside of my vision, and millions of people ran about on their ways. It didn’t seem like anyone was… unhappy. Everyone was just going about their eternity in this godless place, sinning how they please. This place seemed very well-regulated, like everyone followed some moral code. I saw no chaos, no rape, no death, no suffering, just… sin.

                I waved for a taxi, and after a couple passed one slowed down and stopped for me. I opened the door and sat down in the back seat.

                “ID please.” The cabbie asked.

                “ID?” I had nothing on me besides my lighter.

                “Yeah. ID.” The cabbie said. That’s when it hit me. I handed my lighter to him, and he took it. He sparked the lighter to life and held the flame close to a small metal rod sticking out from his dashboard. “You off to 666^th street?”

                “Yeah. How’d you know?” I asked.

                “Demon.” He waved the lighter in his hands. “Now, what brings you to this side of town?”

                “I just got here.”

                “Oh, newbie demon then.” The cabbie laughed as he started driving, “Don’t see those too often.”

                “Yeah, I’ve been told.” I paused for a couple of moments, looking out the window and watching the people rush by, “So… how is everyone so controlled? Why aren’t people like… I don’t know, killing each-other or raping someone, or doing something that a person that goes to hell would do?”

                The cabbie laughed again. “You really are new here.” He scoffed, then continued, “You gotta take into consideration that these people have an eternity in here to do stuff. What’s the purpose of murdering someone if they are just going to wake back up afterward? What’s the purpose of raping someone if you have an eternity to spend on chasing them or at least paying them for the damn sex in the first place? I mean think about it, man. You are gonna be here for eternity, what’s the point of making it that much harder on yourself? Trust me, you’d be surprised how orderly a society full of criminals actually is, and how much the absence of time changes people.”

                “I guess.”

                “How old were you when you died, kid?”

                “Twenty-three.”

                “Were you in college?”

                “Yeah. I just graduated.”

                “What for?”

                “Evolutionary Biology.”

                “No wonder God sent you here.” The cabbie said, “So. Lemme give you an example. Say your Biology teacher gave you this paper-“

                “I graduated.” I cut him off, “He wouldn’t give me a paper.”

                “Say you went back.” The cabbie continued, “To school. For like a doctorate or something. Your Biology teacher gave you this paper, and he said to you, ‘I’m going to give you this, and you can do it, but you never need to turn it in’. Would you ever do the paper?”

                “No.” I said, “If I never had to do it, why would I?”

                “See? That’s why people don’t.” The cabbie explained, “Having an eternity to do something is the same thing as never having to do something. Why would someone rape or murder someone else if it’s not going to matter, or if they have an eternity to do so? What’s the point? Sure, there are people out there, and here, that get a high off control, and terrorizing people, but down here, there ain’t anyone that is gonna care. This is hell, for heaven’s sake. If you go up to some random girl on the street, beat the s**t out of her and rape her on the spot, she, nor anyone else, is going to give a s**t. You know why? Well, some of them enjoy it. The rest have an eternity to forget. So, after a while, nobody does it. Plain and simple. Everyone got bored of the chaos, so now we are like this. Sure, the chaos is gonna come back some time or another, but it’ll be awhile.”

                “How long?”

                “Doesn’t matter how long.” The cabbie responded, “Because you’ll be here to see it. So will I. This is how life goes. I’ve been dead for, I’ve forgotten how long, and change comes in cycles. People turn to chaos once they get bored of being civil, then turn to civility once they get bored of the chaos. Just eternally cycling to keep everyone’s mind from rotting away to nothing. Just think if hell was actually what they said: eternal suffering and despair. You’d think, after a long, long, long while of pain, suffering, and sorrow, you would become so numb, your soul would be burnt away until it was nothing but a cloud of black smoke, and you wouldn’t suffer anymore. Sorrow wouldn’t matter. Pain wouldn’t matter. The only thing clogging your soul would be hatred, malice, and revenge.”

                “A demon.”

                “A classical one.” I saw the cabbie shrug, “But Lucifer doesn’t find any fun in that. He enjoys watching the cycles go by. He enjoys seeing his infinite army of sin rise. Eventually he will become more powerful than God, at this rate.”

                “What do you mean?”

                “God’s been cracking down.” He clarified, “More and more people have been going to hell, rather than up to heaven. Maybe we will eventually go to war with the angels and with God, once we grow more powerful in numbers. At this rate, God is gonna be outnumbered ten to one here soon. And you would be on the front lines, commanding millions upon millions of soldiers.”

                “Why me?”

                “Because you are a demon.” The cabbie said, “You are the hand of Lucifer himself. The only people you take orders from are him, possibly other demons, and the five archdemons.” The cab stopped. “We are here.”

                “We just travelled five hundred blocks?” I said, opening the door.

                “This is hell, kid.” The cabbie said, “It’s got shortcuts.” Then I closed the door, and the cab drove away.

                666^th street was pretty much the Broadway of hell. It was loud and bustling with people, and huge skyscrapers towered above me. To my right was restaurants, giant TV’s showing every show imaginable, and to my left was a gigantic building, thousands of time bigger than that of the skyscrapers that were next to me. The building in front of me, though, was the one I was oddly attracted to. It was a hotel, or at least looked like it, and was the tallest building out of all of them. It said “Demon’s Dive” on the front, and the sign on the door was flashing “Open”.

                I walked into the hotel and was presented with a large lobby. The floor was a suede red carpet, and sofas and furniture were dotted around the vaulted, pillared room. At the other end of the room was a receptionist’s desk, where a woman sat, typing on a computer. She was a skinny, medium-height brunette with glasses and scarlet red eyes. She had sharp facial features, and her gaze seemed to stun me where I stood.

                Actually, it did stun me where I stood. Like literally. She looked at me and I froze completely.

                “Who are you?” Her voice echoed through the lobby.

                “Collin?” I struggled to say.

                “Where’s your lighter?”

                “In my pocket.” I said. My lighter slowly floated out of my pocket, then suddenly zipped into the woman’s hand. She turned it in her hands, then tossed it into the large fireplace on the left side of the room, and it reappeared inside my pocket, still warm.

                “Interesting.” I suddenly could move again, but she continued, “Welcome home, Collin.” I hesitated, and she quickly picked up a phone, dialed a number, and held it up to her ear. “Tell my father to come down to the lobby. Yeah. He’s here. Well when can you send him? Ten minutes?! What do you mean ten minutes? What the hell is he doing? Yeah I know he is in his personal suite but- Yeah, I kind-of know its Lucifer we are talking about here. Just tell him Collin is here. What do you mean you’re afraid of him? Knock on his damn door! Ugh!” The receptionist violently hung up the phone and tossed it on her desk. “I’ll be back in a minute. Sit on one of the sofas or something while I’m gone.” She then stormed off and nearly broke the elevator switch when she punched it.

                I loafed around the lobby, looking at all the decorations, and wondered about the name. Why is it called “Demon’s Dive” if it is a hotel? I mean, aren’t dives like… bar/restaurants? I didn’t want to think about it for too long. I came to the conclusion that this was hell and the name probably didn’t matter to much. Red eyes… I thought to myself, If she’s a demon, and has red eyes, does that mean- I walked over to look at my reflection. It was still good old blue-eyed me. But something seemed different. The blue seemed… darker. It was strange. Probably the lighting. I tossed it out of my mind.

                I sat down on one of the very comfortable sofas, and I was sitting there for about thirty seconds when someone came through the door. “Hey, is Kayla around here? She’s the receptionist.”

                “She went up the elevator.” I told him.

                “Okay thanks.” The man walked over to the elevator and pressed the ‘up’ key, and just as his door closed, the door on the other side opened, revealing Kayla.

                “You are going to have to come with me.” Kayla said, not moving from the elevator. I stood, and entered the elevator with her. She pressed the up key and we began moving up.

                “Um, there was a guy that came in a second ago looking for you.” I advised her.

                “Who was it?”

                “He just mentioned your name. I told him you went up the elevator, and I guess that was information enough. He was kinda tall, like taller than me. Real shady-looking. Long black hair-“

                “Yeah I know who it is.” Kayla cut me off, “Thanks for diverting him.”

                “Diverting him?”

                “He’s been chasing me for longer than I can remember.”

                “Chasing you meaning….?”

                “Yeah.” She continued. “He’s real obsessed with me. Been so for years. He’s quite the persistent demon, you know.” There was a long moment of silence. We both stared at the front wall, and her scarlet eyes glowed in contrast against the steel elevator. I squinted at my reflection, and noticed the blue had almost completely faded from my eyes, What the- I thought to myself. Am I…

                “So you are a demon?” I said suddenly, breaking out of my thoughts.

                “No.” Kayla said, “I’m an archdemon. Lucifer’s daughter.”

                “Oh yeah. I was told there are five of you.”

                “Yes.” She responded, “Me, my brother Vernon, Cain, Lucifer’s mistress Archneia, and Xernious,”

                “Who’s Xernious?”

                “Xernious is another fallen angel. He went with Lucifer down to hell without God’s knowledge. His son was the guy you met earlier.”

                “The guy that-“

                “Yeah.”

                “Is it wrong for a normal demon to, you know-“

                “Nothing is wrong here.” She said, “You can f**k whoever you want, as long as they are fine with it.”

                “And you aren’t fine with it?”

                “He’s annoying as heaven.” Kayla vented, “I swear he follows me everywhere I go.” Another long pause. How high is this building? I thought.

                “So you were born here? In hell?” I said, again breaking the silence.

                “Yeah. Never lived. Scary, I know.” Kayla said, “Us intimidating archdemons.”

                “I don’t think you are that scary.”

                “You’ve only spent two minutes with me.” Kayla said ominously.

                “Most of a person’s character is their first impression.”

                “Not in hell.” Kayla said, “And especially not to an archdemon.” That’s when the subject ended. “Just some advice before you talk to my father. He’s the most powerful person in Hell. Don’t piss him off.” The elevator door opened just as she finished, and we were presented with a small waiting room. Kayla briskly walked over to the elevator and knocked on the large door at the other end of the waiting room. “Dad! It’s Kayla. Open up.”

                “Your father is busy!” A booming voice came from the other side of the door.

                “You have a visitor!”

                “I specifically told you I wasn’t taking visitors today!” The voice seemed to get louder and louder with every word.”

                “Goddamnit Dad, cut it with the voice.” Kayla harshly said, “And open the damn door.”

                I heard a sigh come from the other side, and this was more human. The doorknob turned and the door opened to reveal a powerful-looking, young man. Lucifer was tall. Very tall. He had to be at least 6’2”. He had longer hair which was spiked up in the front and flat in the back. His eyes were blood red, but he had oddly soft facial features, being Lucifer and all. He was wearing a skin-tight, torn black shirt with a leather jacket and jeans. “What is it, Kayla?” He said in a much more normal voice.

                “Really?” Kayla noticed his clothes, “What’s with the Van Halen look?”

                “I’m trying something new, okay?” Lucifer shrugged his shoulders, “I think it looks badass.”

                “Whatever.” Kayla rolled her eyes. “Dad, this is Collin.” She gestured to me, “Collin, this is Lucifer.”

                “Collin?” Lucifer looked at me, “Oh, you are the new demon!” Lucifer walked over to me and held his hand out. I shook it, a bit terrified of him, “Yeah, I remember you now. You were the guy that spat in God’s face! I like you man, come on in.”

                You know, the confusing part wasn’t about how Lucifer was actually pretty nice-looking, or about how he was dressed like and 80’s hairband guitarist, but how young he looked. I mean, he couldn’t look three years older than Kayla, and she’s his daughter.

                “So, welcome to Demon’s Dive. You find Hell nice this past day or so?” Lucifer led me into his room, which was a large apartment flat, with a huge TV, six or seven sofas, a kitchen and a dining room all visible from the door. The back wall was completely made of glass, and I could see out for miles and miles of the city. Everything was red-colored, which was a bit ironic, him being Satan and all.

                “It was definitely not as I expected.” I was able to conjure a couple of words. It was strange, because I wasn’t intimidated by him, and I wasn’t really afraid of him, but I couldn’t find words. I think it was because of the fact that he was Lucifer, the fallen angel, the Devil himself, and I was talking to him. In his apartment. Next to his daughter. In Hell. As a demon.

                “Yeah that’s kinda what they all say.” Lucifer sat down, “Take a seat.” He gestured to the sofa across from him, and I sat down. “God just doesn’t want people to want to come down here, so he terrifies everyone into thinking this is a bad place.” Lucifer leaned over the back of the sofa and grabbed two drinks from a cooler behind the sofa. “Want one, Kayla?”

                “No thanks.” Kayla was still standing.

                “Your loss.” He tossed one of the beers to me, and I clumsily caught it. Lucifer broke open his beer and took a long swig, “So Collin, now that you are here, you got any questions for me?”

                “Umm…” I glanced to him, then to Kayla, then to him again, then to Kayla.

                “Oh, that.” Lucifer laughed, getting the point, “People don’t really age past like… I don’t know, twenty five? Twenty seven? Somewhere around there. So yeah. We look like we are the same age. Weird, I know, but you have to take into consideration that if we are here for an eternity, we can’t just wither into dust, now can we?”

                “Makes sense.” There was a long pause before I cracked open my beer and took a drink. Then I thought of another question, “So, why me? Why am I a demon?”

                “Because I like you.” Lucifer took another drink of his beer, “You are really good at twisting words and finding the inconsistencies in people’s words. Like you did to God. I was watching you two duke it out in Purgatory, because I was pretty sure you would be going to Hell, and damn did I laugh my head off when you poked a hole in his whole ‘free will’ thing. And when he stormed out of the room like that? Priceless. Not many people can talk to God like that, and that’s why I made you a demon.”

                “Is the reason you got tossed out of Heaven because you talked like that to God?”

                “No.” Lucifer said, “You ever read the Bible?”

                “No.”

                “Well, I got tossed because I wanted to be like him.” Lucifer said, “I wanted to be a God myself. He said I was too prideful.”

                “So are you close? To becoming a God?”

                “If God keeps sending me souls, yeah.” Lucifer said, “But that causes problems.

                “So, in the cab I took to get here, I was told Hell might go to war with God. Is this even possible?”

                This made Lucifer pause, “That depends.” He said after a while. “That depends on whether people want to, and whether we outnumber him enough.”

                “How would that even work?” I continued, “I mean, you can’t die in the afterlife, so how could we even fight?”

                “It is a touchy subject.” Kayla interrupted. “Because we don’t know. If you die in hell, you just get dropped back in the spot you came here. You can’t die in heaven, there is no threat for it, so we have no idea how this would work. In order to fight in the first place, we would either have to lay siege on heaven, which we have no idea how to get to, or fight in the overworld, which would mean inducing the rapture.”

                “And in order for us to get to the overworld, we would need an anti-Christ.” Lucifer continued, “And we don’t have one.”

                “Can’t you, you know, make one?”

                “Yes, but God would know.” Lucifer said, “We could wait until God sends his son back to the Earth to collect souls for heaven, and begin the fight while the rapture is happening, but we don’t know when or how he is going to execute it.”

                “See? Touchy.” Kayla added.

                “Any more questions?”

                “So I’m going to be here for eternity?”

                “Yes.” Lucifer confirmed, “But it’s not all bad. You eventually start to forget your past, and not even realize how long you’ve been here. It all starts to fade eventually, and you just live for the moment. You don’t need to worry, though, because you are a demon.”

                “So-“

                Suddenly there was a knock on the door, cutting me off. “Lucifer, sir, we have a problem.” A voice came from behind the door.

                “What do you mean we have a problem?” Lucifer stood, walked across the room, and threw open the door. “How can we have a problem?”

                “Sir, God has arrived. He wants to speak to you.”

                “God?!” Lucifer was surprised, “Well, let him in! What are you waiting for?”

                “Yessir.” The demon ran back into the elevator.

                “God is here?” Kayla asked rhetorically, “Why is God here? He hasn’t paid a visit in-“

                “Kayla, leave.” Lucifer interrupted her, “I don’t want you to be a part of this. Collin, you too.”

                “That won’t be necessary.” A voice came from the opened door. God was standing in the doorway. “I’m here for the boy.”

                “You are here for the what?” Lucifer said.

                “I’m here for Collin. I made a mistake sending him here.”

                “What did you just say?” Lucifer looked straight at God. “You made a mistake?”

                “Yes.” God said, then turned to me, “Collin, we really should be going. I hate the stench of sin in this place.” I hesitated. “Well, what are you waiting for?” God continued, “Come with me to heaven.”

                Lucifer started laughing, “Well, well, well, God, looks like you got a fighter. Let’s just give him the choice, shall we? The free will.” I knew where this was going. “Alright Collin. You decide. Would you like to go with God to heaven, or stay down here with me as a demon in hell?”

                “The choice is obvious, Collin. Come with me.” God held out his hand, “And rid yourself of this cursed, forsaken land.”

                Lucifer had a huge smile across his face, and he walked back over to the cooler and removed another beer, “This is gonna be good.”

                I looked over to Kayla. She was silent, and did not break her gaze from God. I looked to Lucifer, who was smiling and drinking his beer. Then I looked to God, his face stone and hand outstretched. Lucifer was right, I had the choice.

                “I don’t know-“ I stepped backwards, “I don’t know.”

                “What do you mean you don’t know!?” God’s voice was commanding, “Come with me to heaven, a place of happiness and bliss. It’s heaven, Collin. The place everyone wants to go to, where you can spend eternity with your friends. You can be happy for eternity!”

                That’s when it hit me. I remembered what the cab driver said, and realized why I couldn’t take God’s hand. In heaven, there isn’t change. There isn’t cycles of insanity and order, there isn’t anything but the bliss and happiness. Eventually, after a long, long, time, I would become numb to that too. I didn’t belong in heaven, that’s why I fit well in this place. I didn’t want to be happy for the rest of eternity, I wanted to be chaotic and civil, all at the same time. I wanted to be a demon, and be rich in this society full of sin. I…

                “No.” I said to God, “No I’m not coming with you.”

                “WHAT?!” God shouted. Lucifer loudly laughed again.

                “I’m not coming with you, God. I don’t want to go to heaven. I don’t want to be numb for eternity. I belong here. I have my place here. You sent me here, God, and that was your biggest mistake. You let me see what was in this place, you broke the illusion of eternal suffering. Now I don’t want to join you, and I’m not one bit sorry about it.”

                “You see, this is why I made this guy a demon!” Lucifer stood back up, crumpled his empty beer can and threw it across the room.

                “You are truly a fool.” God said, stepping back.

                “No, God. You are the fool.” I picked up my beer can I had set down earlier. Moisture glistened on the lid, and I saw the reflection of my scarlet red eyes in the droplets.  “I turned my back on you once. That’s why you sent me here. You were a fool for thinking I wouldn’t do it again.”

                “Collin!” God shouted.

                “No.” I shook my head, “No I don’t want that name anymore. Collin is dead. He died as soon as you dropped me in here. Now I’m all that’s left.”

                “And what exactly would that be?” God spat at me.

                “Ryden.” I said, “Ryden the demon.”

Author's Note

This is not a final copy. I would like feedback on whether a plot point was not clear or unexplained, and maybe some suggestions on what to add. Please say if you point out any serious plot holes.