Harvey Hates the Present

 

HARVEY HATES the PRESENT

            Harvey didn’t like the twenty first century. In fact, he hated it. He hated the way that kids were attached to their electronic devices, and the fact that security at airports had gotten so heavy after 9/11. He wanted to go back in time, in particular to Old France. He had heard much about many of its cities, but one in particular interested him – Carcassonne.

            Harvey knew a scientist. He often went by the man’s house after a day of working in a cramped office writing banal verses in greeting cards. The scientist always showed him what he was working on.

            Then one day, Harvey was on his way down the sidewalk to the scientist’s house when the man plummeted down the stone steps of his mansion-like brick house and nearly ran in to Harvey.

            “Harvey!” he exclaimed, taking in his friend’s disheveled appearance with the usual disparaging look. “Harvey, Harvey, what will I do with you?” He straightened Harvey’s black and white striped tie with a yank. Harvey gasped for breath.

            “Well, Harv, old buddy, you’ll never guess what I’ve done. I’ve solved all of your problems!” Harvey was not in the mood for guessing games. He was sure that the scientist, who was German, and so was named Fritz, was right. Fritz never lied, and he could be trusted to invent amazing things that could, in fact, make a person’s troubles vanish. But, instead of showing his hope, which really wasn’t his way, he grunted.

            “You’re right. I won’t guess.” Harvey picked up Fritz, who was tiny enough for that to work very well, and set him on his feet.  “You might as well just tell me.”

            “I have invented a machine that may very well become the most sought-after machine in the world!” Fritz took a deep breath. “I have invented the TIME MACHINE!”

            Harvey gasped. He knew right away that Fritz had been right. With a time machine, he could do almost anything! He could go to the future and see whether Sarah Palin was going to run for president. Or, even better, he could go back in time to Old Carcassonne France, and take a little tour.

            “What are you waiting for?” Fritz asked, interrupting Harvey’s speculations. “Come on!”

            They hurried into Fritz’ house. It had tall ceilings and an old fashioned black and white

tiled floor. A mirror hung on the wall, its gilded frame shimmering in the light from a delicate chandelier, and a chestnut horse galloped in his painting on the wall opposite the mirror.

            “Where is it?” Harvey had been impressed with the house the first time he saw it, but wasn’t anymore. “Where’s your time machine?” He craned his neck, trying to see what he thought must be a very bulky machine. Fritz got a very mischievous grin on his face and pulled out an ordinary looking hard candy, wrapped in clear cellophane so that you could see the bright blue.

            “Ha! Really, Fritz, you can’t delude me into thinking that a bit of candy will get me to Carcassonne.” Harvey, pleased with himself, watched Fritz closely. Fritz’ smile got wider.

            “If you don’t believe me, take one. Say the date and the place and you will be whisked away. These have been imbued with chemicals that even I could barely have imagined…before.”

            “Whatever.” Harvey took it, and another that Fritz handed him, which was yellow. He rolled his eyes, said “Carcassonne, France, 1589.” When he placed the blue candy on his tongue, he was shocked to feel it dissolve automatically. And then, as Fritz had promised, he felt himself disappear.

            He landed on the crowded streets of France. Subconciously, he had picked the very year that Henry IV had been crowned King of France. Everyone was sharing news of the new king excitedly. Dazed, Harvey looked around. Spotting a kind enough looking man, he dodged over to him.

            “Ah, hello, my name is Harvey.”

            “Harvey? What an odd name to chose.” The man had a short beard and fairly long gray hair. “But, in any case, are you not glad about King Henry IV? He shall be our most beloved king, I am sure.”

            “Well, yes,” Harvey agreed, “I suppose he is in the end, isn’t he. But don’t get too comfortable, he gets killed. Assassinated. By one François Ravaillac.”

            “What! You are a mad man. How would you know a thing like that?”

            “I -- ” Harvey realized too late what he had done. The other man gestured to a man

standing nearby.

            “François! This man says you will kill our new king! What say you to that?”

            The other man advanced. Harvey recognized his face from the pictures he had seen online.

            “F-françois R-ravaillac!” He stuttered.

            “You, sir, are clearly not a good man.” Ravaillac said loudly. He pulled a sword from its sheath and advanced on Harvey, who cowered away. “I challenge you to a duel, though by the looks of you -- ” he sneered down at Harvey’s suit. “ -- whatever you’re wearing, you will be easy.”

            “Ha! You wish! You didn’t figure on Fritz the Scientist!” Harvey exclaimed, and hurriedly said Fritz’ address. “177 Walnut Street! 2009!” He plopped the candy, which he had feverishly unwrapped, onto his tongue and disappeared again.

            “Aha! Harvey, my good fellow!” Fritz said when Harvey landed, putting out a helpful arm which Harvey ignored as he got to his feet. “How was it?”

            “Well,” Harvey began, and thought for a moment. “Maybe this century isn’t so bad after all.”