Thoughts From a 14 Year Old.

A Story by DMCF

Some kind of rant, using not so big words...

If someone had told me that I was going to go through all of this in my 14 years of life, I would have totally slowed down in my mother's Fallopian tube. Maybe I'm exaggerating, and I'm going through a phase, but I've been feeling down. I haven't really done anything about it either. I decide to solve other people's problems, and think that everything's alright with me, but when the sun sets I still feel like crap. As a Freshman in high school, maybe that's part of growing, and maturing, but to be honest, I hate it.

A good friend of mine (gonna call her Brianna, private purposes) told me today that out of the small group of friends I'm part of, I don't have any problems. She's got her heart breaks, another girl (Norfolk) is being sexually assaulted via social media, and another girl (Nerdiest Nerd to Ever Nerd) is going through a heartbreak/discovering sad feelings. I told her that was true, but really I feel like s**t. Why? That's what I'm trying to figure out.

The feeling has been with me since 7th grade, but it has gotten worse my Freshman year in high school (now). I decided to try and join a sport, which was soccer, because I wanted to make more friends, be fit, have fun, and be part of a team. I didn't know how to play, which made me terrified. This feeling got the best of me, and I quit mid September. My family wasn't mad at me, but I knew they were disappointing. Everyday I would go to practice feeling miserable, and I felt judged. I shouldn't have cared, but I did. I do, actually. I kind of got through that problem.

Another problem is what I want to do. I like writing. Last year, I'd always get the compliment, and it made me feel good. I liked having a purpose. My sisters are the surgeon, and the artist. I was the writer. The next J.K Rowling, they said. I believed that for a long time. Then school happened, and that went to hell. I didn't get to take the Creative Writing class that I wanted, and my English teacher thinks I'm not good enough. Then there's Brianna. She got the Creative Writing class, she got the compliments on her writing, my English teacher loves her. Her writing is amazing. She's pretty, and tall, and she's got a pretty good back bone, one I only have in my dreams. She's great at making a good debate, she's got straight A's, the ones I once had, and I just get so angry. Not at her, at myself. I can't be like that, and I don't know where I stand now.I still love her though, she's a great friend. I just wanted to have a purpose, but it's gone. I honestly don't know why I'm here. What do I do now? What's my next move? Do I just go with the flow? Do I set a goal?

I told the Nerdiest Nerd to Ever Nerd that sometimes it is okay to be sad. I still agree with my statement. So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to be sad, and maybe I'll answer my own questions.