Innocence

I sighed and held the small baby in my blood covered hands. I looked at it’s weakness, I noticed it’s innocence and, for a moment, instead of making me happy, like bringing a new soul into this world should have, it made me miserable.
What kind of person was I? To put such a fragile creature into such a horrible land must be a sin, it can’t be right. I couldn’t help but wonder what I’d just done, I couldn’t help but try to figure out if I’d done good or not.
The mother surely looked happy, so why wasn’t I? I’d made a person’s day, probably made their year, why wasn’t I smiling along? The reason was simple, the reason was one, I knew what Earth could do to a poor baby like that one.
I walked out of the E.R. without even looking back. Surely that woman wanted to thank me, but I simply couldn’t put myself to hearing her words. I had to go home, lay on my bed and think. Think about what I did everyday. I needed to re-think my life, my existance. Was my job really helping anyone?
What if I was the one to bring into this world a serial killer? What if that little baby in my hands turned out to be one of the most horrible rapists the country has ever seen? It’d be my fault, wouldn’t it? If I didn’t exist, if I hadn’t chosen to become a doctor, maybe it’d have died inside it’s mother's womb.
All I wanted was to go home, but, on that dark evening, my boss had other plans. And I soon figured that out. He called my name in a whisper, we were still inside the hospital after all. He told me how well I’d been doing, he told me he was retiring soon. He offered me his position. Chief-surgeon, it’d always been my dream. I should be happy. Why couldn’t I be?
Finally, I was on my way. I walked and walked through the streets of Manhattan, without being bothered by the shadows that lurked around each and every corner. Finally, I saw him. That old man sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, he looked poor, but wise. He must know, I thought.
“Where should I go?” Those were the words I said. And for a moment, I caught his eyes locked on mine before I turned away and left. I didn’t want directions, I wanted answers that no one could give me. I wanted things that no one could have.
I should be happy. So why wasn’t I?

Reviews

[emilythestrange]

Good, very good. But it should be, " BUT my boss had other ideas"

[Fernanda]

thank you for your review. I'm sorry, I can seem to find the sentence you're talking about, can you please tell me the paragraph or line or something so I can correct it? thanks :)

[emilythestrange]

Oh, wait it's okay.... I read it wrong.....