Lines.

I've spent a lot of time on this. There are at least 6 different drafts of this but I finally finished it.

The dripping pavement below my feet

the cracks shriveling in between

Distinct is the lines in my view

Passing arrows and signs over statues

The people unknown roam and course throughly

Sinning and kneeling over lack of remorse

Loathing those tied to a noose

Stuck in the nooks of the seduced and abused

Wine on their breath like mine

Made in the vines between the waistline

The smell of alpine on the shore

Pours in through the harbor

Intent for the end is only the extent for content

It can't be prevented for life is only an asset

Repent for the torment spent 

Like cement fragments left out of context

Author's Note

I really tried my best on this. It took me a while to finish. Like always constructive Criticism is welcomed.

Reviews

[Kenneth The Poet]

This is good. I wish I had your patience to rewrite poems. I hope this piece finds it way into a major or minor publication at some point of time.

[aloha.]

it's noticeable you spent time on this.
it's well thought through and organized.

i have a habit of picturing like little "movies" in my mind when i read things. all i can think of is how people on earth are constantly sinning and doing wrong. i don't know if that was what you were going for though. haha.

i love the rhyme scheme by the way.

[Ms. Gruye]

I really appreciate the effort you put into constructing a narrative here. It's elusive and far reaching. You did a nice job of conveying a sentiment of malcontent and regret without actually brutalizing your reader with a straight forward. Well done and viva la

[bree]

i absolutely love this, something about it is just so ethereal. it's really, really lovely.

[[untitled]]

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[AlieahRose]

I FIND THIS TO BE...
LITERATURE BOOK WORTHY...
THIS IS PRETTY GOOD...
BUT...
I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD JUST WRITE...
DRAFTS TO ME...
TAKE AWAY SOME OF THE FEELING...
BUT...
THIS HAS AOT OF IT...
AND I LIKE IT ALOT...
KEEP IT UP...

[Citizen Erased]

Wow, this is really good. Great job

[No use.]

hahahaa, fabian , well done!
sublime serenity and sooth i find in the nooks of your work. you very well know what is true to this life

[Aven]

It is evident that you have put alot of work into this, it is very neat and perfected. I like your use of words and metaphore, overall a really good poem. :)

[Miss Coral]

I absolutely love this rhyme scheme... I would suggest adding in some punctuation in order to smooth out the flow, but very well done otherwise.

-Coral-