Beautiful Blueberries

This poem popped into my mind after a week of writers block. Enjoy.

"Beautiful Blueberries"

Beautiful blueberries  sweet in the dew of the morning.

May the sun pass and glisen your thin skin.

Can you keep hidden in the shrubs of your existence?

Can you keep savor for a little longer?

I'll keep you ripe for the masses.

Enclosed in plastic prisons.

I'll find the enlightened meaning of your love.

I'll be the byproduct of your continuation.

I yearn for the days you grow again.

I must see my beautiful blueberries.

Author's Note

Constructive Criticism would be a nice change of pace.

Reviews

[Honestly, Abe]

What a unique thing to write on - as for constructive criticism, I would say that the first stanza is a bit cliche, the language I mean. The word 'beautiful' is a bit over used, and from what I can see in the rest of your poem, I know you have the talent to dig deeper into what exactly makes that blueberry so irresistable. (: I know that I like to hear constructive criticism because it helps me grow and develop as a writer, so I hope this helped give you an opinion.

[BrynnaW.]

A very different subject but a very enjoyable write. Good job and keep on writing!

[Sukriti Suki]

Simple, direct and a nice write. ' Enclosed in plastic prisons' is a very nice line...

[joe shmo]

interesting :) keep writing practice only makes one better at anything you want to persue in life. your young yet learn as much as you can use it to your advantage. God bless! The bible also has poetic scriptures and wisdom try it! it is very informative especialy for writing song writing poetry and for making proper decisions in life. Check out my poems if you want to.

[nostal]

Very original and creative. Love the imagery.
The poem would definitely flow better as a whole by omitting two words: The 'so' in the first line of the first couplet and the 'so' in the following line.
'so' is the kind of word that isn't doing very much work in the poem except sounding repetitive. Every word in a poem should be lugging his own charm, have his own important purpose as in terms of diction.
By taking those two words out and rearranging your line structure, you know have:
Beautiful blueberries sweet in the morning dew.
May the sun pass and glisten your thin skin.

Notice the improvement. By just changing the format and switching a few words the poem now flows more fluently and has acquired its own tone, beat.

I hope this helped.

[Ruth]

I LOVE the title and the poem is radiantly glorious! lol
The use of the blueberry as a metaphor is lovely and the unravelling of the emotion towards the end is moving
xx

[the in between]

hahahaa blueberries are awesome! You love them so much you imprison them, great write :) thanks for sharing. I can't critique anything its all very good. Oh by the way the name you call this fruit is beautiful blueberries every single time so it's fine to repeat "beautiful" ;)

[Miss Coral]

I liked this piece.. different take on blueberries. :)
I would have to agree with the review saying that the first two lines are kind of cliche. Perhaps if you just changed the word choice, it would help better the opening. I really do love the middle stanza though.. great lines there. Love the phrasing and the cadence.. nice job.

-Coral-

[GrownUpTime]

awsome... really different from what i usally read on here.

[Candylove.]

"I'll keep you ripe for the masses.
Enclosed in plastic prisons."

epic lines.
I honestly can't find one bad thing to say about this piece. It's unique, and intriguing. Well done. :)