Erasing Ourselves.

It's a poem I made influenced by my cousin who died 4 years ago.

"Erasing Ourselves" By Fabian Franco

We all erase ourselves with tenderness

But I can't seem to do it with ease

We all follow this path.

But it slithers away from me.

The saints they came so radiantly

To bad they came in vain

All these drugs mean nothing

If I can't feel my face

Slap my wrist

When the needle goes deep in me

Close my eyes

When I slip away

Tell me that I matter

When I lose everything

Don't lose sight of anything

Does it matters anyway

Theses words and whispers that you see

They burn and they sting

They criple as you bleed

They just won't leave

I'm not as worried as you think

I just need another drink

Put away my senses

Put me back to sleep

I've seen what they did to you

How they teared you apart

Pick yourself up

You were a little off

This old bitter sweetness

It brings me to tears

Come back to us

We will have you here

Author's Note

Very mediocre poem. Badly written but please enjoy.

Reviews

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

tragic how so many younglings chose to submerge inner latitudes in artificial fixes of temporary pseudo bliss~ your poem reverberates with sorrow and loss~thoughtfully penned with deepest empathy and care~

[AlieahRose]

YOUR TITLES ARE SO GOOD...
THEY DRAW ME INTO THE POEM...
THEN I READ THE ACTUAL POEM...
AND THIS PARTICULAR PEICE...
HAS ME TO TEARS...
IT REMIND ME OF LOOSING MY AUNT...
AND HOW MUCH PAIN MUST...
HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH YOU...
THIS IS ONE OF THOSE POEMS...
THAT YOU JUST CAN'T REVEIW...
IT IS THAT TOUCHING...
AND JUST THAT GOOD...
AND NOT MEDIOCRE AT ALL...

[Miss Coral]

This was a great write- there were some grammatical/spelling errors, but those can be easily fixed. I would try to firm up the main theme a bit... in some places, it seemed to drift off for a second, before snapping back to the focus. Overall, nice piece.

[the in between]

the first stanza is very relatable and your imagrey is captivating. i pictured everything in a hospital. Your cousin must have been very close to you. I"m deeply sorry for your loss.

[mmzx]

thumbs up.
i really enjoyed the first few stanzas.
i felt time moving slowly when i read it and i don't know why.
hahahahhahah.
great job!

[Aven]

I really liked it. Despite some misspelled words, it really comes through with a prevailing sincerity. I can see how you thought of something tragic when you wrote this..

[Zachary_James]

Well done.

[loowzerX]

i dont think it's badly written, pretty good actually! well done

[Candylove.]

it's not badly written, haha. I enjoyed this, it had very poignant thoughts throughout it, while representing lucid emotion. A good piece! :)