Chapter four

"Bloody 'ell mate, do ya ever get drunk?" A thick Scottish accent resonated throughout the roomy tavern, Grim looked up at the skinny orange-haired man dressed in a green barkeep's outfit and sighed "we've know each other for thousands of years Loki, and we both know I've never gotten drunk." The green forsaken sighed "oh come on now" this time in his natural Irish accent, "yer no fun." "Just shut up and get me a reaper's reward will ya?, I need something stronger than human scotch" Loki stepped into the back and returned holding a bottle of glowing silver liquid "One Grim's signature coming up!" He set the bottle down made a spectacle of picking a fancy
Glass, filling it with various liquors, and then adding a tiny amount of the shiny liquid, witch caused a black skull to briefly appear above the concoction, and then turned the whole thing a pleasing shade of silver. "One reaper's reward, enjoy mate!" Grim graciously raised the glass, careful not to drink the sweet liquid all at once. "You felt it didn't ya" "yes I did, war is coming, and his will make the previous shadow war look like a peace rally, but my only concern is keeping April safe" Grim took another sip of his drink "I guess that's a good idea, we cant have a repeat of what happened last time you lost a member of your house," "I cant let that happen again" Grim downed the rest of the liquor and stood up "Well, I need to be getting home" he checked his pocket watch "April's probably freaking out right now because I'm late getting back" "well I'll be seeing ya mate." "You as well old friend."

Loki locked the tavern door behind him, it had been awhile since he had seen Grim, he was one of the few forsaken he had remained in contact with after the war, one of the few that had kept his morals while in combat. He snapped his fingers, and his uniform morphed into a green vaudevillian pinstripe suit. There was war coming, any forsaken who was worth there salt knew that much, but only a few actually knew how bad it was going to be, Ares, Grim, maybe Krona? Honestly he didn't know. The fact was he didn't know if any of the forsaken would be able to avoid the upcoming war, all of the three factions would be dragged into this one.


"Die" the voice came out of nowhere, followed by a spear in Loki's chest, "Wha...?" Loki collapsed
"Well I cant say I was expecting more from you, your just a forsaken, but I am disappointed." A demonic figure stepped out of he nearby shadows, suddenly Loki's spear materialized in the air and threw itself at the demon, striking him in the shoulder. The demon laughed and then vanished.

Loki struggled up the steps of the large black fortress that was known as nocte domum, he managed to weekly knock on the door. The large black door creaked open, a young looking girl with long jet-black hair emerged from behind it, called some one, a black cloak enveloped him, and then he blacked out.

Reviews

[M.R Steiner]

I'm happy to see you are still working on these,

firstly 'A thick Scottish accent resonated throughout the roomy tavern' is a very good line :)

some of the dialogue was hard to follow, when someone else speaks or performs and action, that's when you need a space.

for example "Bloody 'ell mate, do ya ever get drunk?" A thick Scottish accent resonated throughout the roomy tavern.
BREAK.
Grim looked up at the skinny orange-haired man dressed in a green barkeep's outfit and sighed "we've know each other for thousands of years Loki, and we both know I've never gotten drunk."

in regards to the demon attack I feel it could be fleshed out a bit more, I see what your going for, you obviously know that short punchy prose are needed for such an event but I feel the pacing and order of it could be embellished and restructured

for example "Die" the voice came out of nowhere, followed by a spear in Loki's chest, "Wha...?" Loki collapsed

This could be

'A quiet hiss erupted behind the bar, then a voice, "Die... "

It shot past Grim's head, tipped in silver from the shadows, a demonic spear. Loki never had a chance. It split his chest in half, he hit the ground dead, at least what passes for death with their kind. '

its a little rushed but was more meant to serve as example to what I am suggesting.

either way I'm still enjoying the story, otherwise I wouldn't keep coming back :)

hope to see more of these soon. Keep it up :D

[Wayward Soul]

Yes im still working on these, but a combination of writers block and schoolwork is makeing it hard

[M.R Steiner]

it happens dude. when your busy its hard to make progress, but don't give up, a complete project can years, but I promise 'whether you get it published or not' the feeling of having the complete story out of your mind and onto the page is amazingly awesome.

my advice for writers block is a little more unconventional than what others would give, but to get myself ready to write I always assign a particular song for a chapter that sums up the scenes. I find it strikes up the mental images I need to get thinking about what happens next if I listen to them in sequence before writing.

ontop of that, my ideal music to have one while writing is dark ambient stuff, most notably cryo chamber on youtube. Lyrics often drown out thoughts when trying to write, but the ambient stuff is great for making your atmosphere.

don't worry about the complete story, I'm sure you have a general idea of where it needs to go. just do it a chapter at a time and it all falls into place, you'll get other ideas along the way, eventually you begin to surprise yourself and break out into smile fits from the fun twists and characters you've accidentally invented yet can't imagine the plot without now.

[Wayward Soul]

Thanks man, ill try it out, im already working on on a new chapter, ill look into the ambient stuff