From Time to Time

How it came to be that a woman found out that she has a greater purpose. To aid people through her own specific way.... Time Traveling

I’ve decided to start recording my exploits since someday someone will need to take over my business. I have written journal entries but they were only to keep track of the time, even though time means so little to me. I suppose I should say who and exactly what I am. My name is Valencia Vivario. I would describe myself as an independent woman even though I am totally dependent on my machine. You see the easiest way to describe my profession is that I am a time traveler. I travel from time to time to allow people to do something they wish they did in their lives. I started this service after discovering a world where time travel is possible. It was a blank slate, just a void of white nothingness which spanned as far as the eye can see and further. How did I come across this? I will admit that it was a freak accident which involved an experiment trying to try to create an invention that will allow people to walk through walls. After many bruises from running into solid walls eventually it worked but instead of sending me to the other side of the wall it sent me to another dimension.

When there I found a note, just a plain note which said:

Welcome to the rift in between. Here you will find no sense of place, no sense of time. You are free here; free to do whatever you want. I entrust you will do good here otherwise it could be the end of the world you know. This void has the ability to meld with its hosts mind and if you choose to construct here then please do so.

p.s. If you leave, please close door behind you.
Yours Sincerely
Chronus

After reading this you would think that I would be asking the questions such as “Who is this Chronus?” or “Why am I here?” But I didn’t all I did was get straight to work. I first tried to understand what he meant by “the ability to meld with its hosts mind” I couldn’t understand at all. I tried to focus on things such as making an object out of my mind but with no success. Then it happened while spending my first night in the realm whilst sleeping my mind and my dreams must have awoken it. When I woke up there it was staring at me with its glass eye. It was a machine. A pearl white machine was there. At the time it was still a child. Merely a cube with an extending pipe which had a camera at the end. I was overjoyed at the sight of it. I then realized that whatever I wished for would create itself inside of the machine. I could only create small things to begin with such as cogs and spanners. With these tools I developed my machine until it turned into my best friend, his name is Aeon. Within a month of me being in the rift in between I had created a vast world full of things I could only dream of, such as a glorious station of mechanical marvel. 

At the heart of it was Aeon and I use a holographic platform to transport me around the white facility. All was well and then I needed a use for this machinery. I found that I could go back to the real world through Aeon, he never minds me walking into the dome which is his chest all he says is “be careful”. I get back because of the device I created which opens a hole in space and time. Then it hit me, literally. The idea that I don’t have to go to my time in my place each time. I live in a place which transcends all this. All I needed to do was create one more machine which could allow this, an easy task for me and Aeon. I don’t know how long I have been here now, it could be days or years, centuries even. This place seems to halt my aging and keeps me from harm. It is quite a god send and the business I set up is a thank you to whatever greater power sent me here.

After completing the Time Displacement Portal or TDP I did everything you could imagine. I have been to the old west, I've walked with dinosaurs and even seen the future. I’m leaving my notes on my journey through time somewhere else, they are not what I wish to discuss at the moment. Now where was I? Oh yes the TDP. After finishing my journey’s and my journal I thought what I could do next. So while walking about the empty, misty streets of New York during the 1940’s I came across a young lad. He was crying, on his own, in the street. I didn't know what to do, I felt sorry for the kid I suppose. I sat on the floor next to him, the floor was wet and cold. Only the light from a street lamp illuminated us. 

There was no one else in sight so I turned to the boy and said “I hope you don’t mind me asking what is wrong?” He answered saying

“No ma’am. I don’t mind at all. I doubt it would interest you however.” He then put his head between his knees and avoided making contact eye contact with me. “Well I got all the time in the world, so why don’t you just tell me.”
“It isn’t anything big. Just I miss my daddy. He died in the war and they are still celebrating the end of it. I just can’t celebrate at all. I only wish that I could tell him goodbye rather than what I said to him.” At this point I had the urge to help the boy. I knew however I could not reveal my secret. The last time I did I had to do a lot of clean up work. I decided to help the kid. I said to him “Do you know what the date was the last time you saw your daddy?” He did tell me, for the life of me I can not remember what the exact date was. I said to him “close your eyes.” He did so. All I said to him was “you cannot tell him about me, about what is going to happen to him or anything about the future. I only want you to spend one last day with him.” He then looked up at me at confusion.

Aeon had been listening the whole time so he knew what I was planning. I said to the boy again “close your eyes and take a deep breath.” He did as I told. Then before he knew it he was back a few months. Before his father was shipped out. “Open your eyes.” I saw the blue tear jerked eyes of his look up at me. I simply smiled back at him. “Now go say that goodbye of yours.” We were at the dock where his father was leaving. The boy turned around and ran so fast he nearly tripped. He fell into his fathers arms. All I did was watch from afar as he got to say his final goodbye to his hero. It was then I knew that the feeling of helping others on this way was something only I could do and ever since that day I've been working in this business.

Author's Note

This is a first in a series following the exploits of Valencia
Any ideas or comments to make this as good as possible would be appreciated

Reviews

[CecilA]

Dylan,

I love it. Great story. Super ending.

I have an idea: consider changing your opening. Here's my idea: ' My name is Valencia Vivario and I'm a Time Traveler.' Then begin your story about her, her time business and how it benefits mankind. That way you are well on your way to the 'Who, What, When, Where, Why and How ' of your story.

I believe you have to begin with introducing Valencia and her unique business to catch the reader's attention right away. Otherwise he/she can be distracted by your description of her journaling. Not that you didn't do a good job. It's just that a lot of potential readers need to be 'caught' with a baited hook just like a fish. No bait on the hook: no interest. Just another hook. In this case; a book.

In the 'Note' how about this: 'Welcome to the Rift in time.' ? Then you can drop the 'between' because a rift is the 'in between'.

I would recommend a rewrite with focus on your paragraphs. Some of your paragraphs seem too long and have multiple topics.

Also, you might consider making your dialog separate paragraphs to provide clarity. Dialog is so important in your story. It helps us identify more with your characters and breaking it out enhances your story.

These ideas are meant as helps, not criticism.

[Dylan Evans]

Ok, thank you very much, I will get on it and they are all very valid points which is what I am glad to hear!

I will make adjustments for clarity and to hook people. Thanks

[candyme]

This caught my attention right off. It's a great story. I agree with the changes CecilA suggested. I hope to see more of this :)
~candy

[C.C. Marx]

I absolutely adore the ending! very original and creative....great job!!

[rnuff]

i enjoyed reading this. Wonderful detail and imagery.