Family Dinner

Let us sit around the table and break bread

In life we are taught to keep things like rape, sexuality , and mental illness tucked between our legs ever so tight, we are taught to have the sobs, whispers, and tearing of our clothing be silenced by the gun to our head and the judgment we will face.

But when my rapist showed up at family dinner

I realized I was still the little girl who lost her innocence at the ripe age. That was the same day my father looked me in the eyes and told me to,

“stop being so dramatic.”

but how can you sit across the table and cut bread with someone who has cut their way into your soul and took every last drop of blood you had? Let me stop being so dramatic and perhaps play footsies under the table because that’s what old friends do, let me stop being so dramatic and ask how his life has been and when was his last victim,

LET ME STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC, LET ME STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC, LET ME. STOP. BEING. SO. DRAMATIC.

That is also the day when I realized that family is something I no longer had.

That was also the day I realized I was stronger than I had thought, I am a warrior fighting this never ending battle with someone I cannot win against, I am fighting to stay above the rabbit hole, but whenever I make it close to the top it rains and I slip back to the bottom.

I am brave

I roam this earth knowing that he is my shadow, walking alongside me waiting to slip me back into his tight grasp. But I am no longer afraid of the dark, because i've learned to befriend the monsters I thought were under my bed, I am no longer afraid of being in the same room with men because I learned not every penis is dangerous, I am no longer afraid of the mirror because I've learned to like the person staring back at me.

But I am, afraid, of family dinner.

Author's Note

Here is something I recently wrote and had a hard time posting, but I hope you like it and as always, thank you.

Reviews

[KanaDream]

This is really powerful... To lose everything and then be told that by 'family'. We live in a cruel world and no one understands. You don't choose your family and you can't trust your friends. Born Alone, Live Alone, Die Alone.

I'm glad for the line that says "I am no longer afraid of the mirror because I've learned to like the person staring back at me." because all we have, truly, is ourselves.

Very nicely expressed... pain and truth mingled together in one. Keep Dreaming.

[Fatima]

Thank you!

[Heartful5160]

I'm so sorry to hear this...I'm sorry no body has the right to be put in that position. I'm going to tell you something..I had to live with being sexually abused for about six to seven years, me and my sister both and let me tell you, it was something I was ready to end. My mom never really noticed or knew about, until God had seperated them and secrets started coming out of the woodwork. It was hard of course, but God gave me and my sister the strength to get through it all. The man is now put into prison and I have no longer have to be afraid. Let me tell you, I'm just like you..I get pretty hesitant about ever man that comes my way and I put my guard up...most of the time they're men that want to help me throughout life...direct me in the right direction like the step dad I have now....But overall great piece of work..Don't ever be ashamed about sharing an experience that happened in your life, because guess what? You're never alone!!! Ever! And remember everything happens for a reason!

[Fatima]

I'm so sorry to hear this, and i'm glad you like it thank you!

[Heartful5160]

Your welcome! And we all go through it all, but sometimes it's nice to know that were not alone a at all! I enjoyed the write!

[jb]

Glad you are an overcomer!

[Fatima]

Thank you! I am too

[jb]

Awesome;;;

[Saddam]

A strong presentation, being alone is curse and had a family with good eyes.
The whole story come out when you said

That was also the day I realized I was stronger than I had thought, I am a warrior fighting this never ending battle with someone I cannot win against, I am fighting to stay above the rabbit hole.

Clever and brave write.

[Fatima]

Thank you!