Momma's Boy

The secret of wood is this: it's warmer than you are now.

Breathe in; I kiss the pale concrete of your skin, and lean into it

but the flicker never comes; breathe out.

 

The truth about silk is this: you never had it so good.

Breathe in; I comb my fingers through your brittle, black hair

while my chest pumps fire; breathe out.

 

The secret of chairs is this: you've got more friends now that you're dead.

Breathe in; I smile at these strangers, and shake their hands

but you died alone and scared; breathe out.

 

The truth about your grave is this: it's too shallow to hold you.

Breathe in; I help carry your coffin as we leave the church

but I know you're not in it; breathe out.

 

The secret about us is this: I hated you for your limitations.

Breathe in; I pray God forgives us both our foolishness

because you deserved a better son; breathe out.

 

The truth about today is this: I live.

Breathe in; I swallow hard and close my eyes

and stand alone in the wet, green grass of home; breathe out.

Author's Note

Poetry is not my strong suit, but I'll never get better without feedback. Give it to me straight.

Reviews

[Rainbow Rider]

As I first started to read this, I thought this doesn't fit the title, or make sense. But then as I read on, it became clearer and clearer. By the end, I understood and FELT exactly what you wrote. I don't understand your tag that poetry is not your strong suit? Just using this as an example of your poetry, you seemed to have fully captured the art and feeling of a true poetry writer. I genuinely look forwrd to reading more from you.

[Shauna Meury]

I'm not too skilled at reviewing others work, but I will say that I liked this very much. I didn't understand it at first, but it becomes very clear, and like someone else said, it was calming.

[MissWordSmith]

Reading this I felt...Comfortable???!!!
I know that sounds confusing, but, this piece was so, calming.
Very well written!

[Jon Gary Frost]

This is very powerful writing. Don't ask me why, but you seem like a Southern writer (the green grass of home makes me think South US). If you have never read any Rick Bragg, try All Over But The Shoutin. A story of his family and the ties he has to his mother is incredible.

This is a great piece.

[Butterflymom]

This piece is very hauntingly beautiful. You did an amazing job with the description, and imagery. This was very well done, and if you think that poetry isn't your strong suit you are sadly mistaken! Thank you for sharing this piece. Great job on this.

[Mirth]

... This is very strong. I could ramble, and point out all our wonderful pros, and fluff it up.
But, honestly, this deserves better.