Coronal Dependency

This thing that you call love

It tears me up inside

It fools my heart into thinking I need you

And you're necessary for life

 

But my heart has never thought that way

It has always pumped on it s own

It could self mend once broken

It could make any place a home

 

Now when it sensed your anger

It cowers from my chest

It leaps into my throat, spills from my mouth

As if it likes the pavement best

 

Now when your heart is broken

Mine will spntaneously combust

Whether by me, someone before me

As if you're happiness is a must

 

And when I get to thinking you're leaving

My heart ceases to beat

Because it can't function in a world without you

And I find it hard to eat

 

This mess that you call love

Has frightened my heart, lamed it

Made it weak and dependant

Damn near chopped and maimed it

 

I've asked my heart to just give  up

To be silent when it hears you say

Those three words that quicken its pace

Becasue anyone can utter them, anyday

 

And to detach itself from you

So it could stand on it's own , thrive

For in the event that I can't have you

I'd like to stay alive.

Reviews

[B the Daydreamer]

As always my friend, beautifully written. :) Hope you're having a great summer! :)

-B-

[Looouise]

(Finally responding to a read request). :]

"And you're necessary for life." - that might sound a little better adding 'that:' "and that you're..."

"Now when it sensed" - senses

"Mine will spntaneously" - spontaneously

I think it might be a good idea to use more punctuation, especially at the end of sentences, just because it will help the reader to read the poem in a particular way. I believe there are lines where commas and full stops will help to lay emphasis on the points you're trying to get across.

However; I did think it was a well written poem. I liked the idea and how there is the theme of abuse of the heart, and how the heart does what it will. I like how you allude to the fact that the heart can easily be deceived, "those three words that quicken its pace/ because anyone can utter them, anyday." I thought that was beautiful to reinforce that idea.

I also adored the last two lines of the poem, after I read them I was like, "Whoa." They were really beautiful. They remind me of something else though, but I can't quite place my finger on it. :]

Actually, what I think is really good about this poem is that you've given the heart life as if it were a person. I don't think I can say personification, because I don't think that rule applies to something like a heart. :/ But you make it sound as if it's someone. And that's pretty good. It reminds me of someone in an abusive relationship who cowers at anger, just as the heart, but is ready to believe anything that comes out of the abusers mouth.

Really well done poem. :]

[~Wandering Soul~]

beautifully descriptive
i loved it =]
~wandering soul~

[{Angel Redd}[Formerly A..]

It could self mend once broken

It could make any place a home

I felt like these were the defining lines of the poems. They stuck with me as I read it in its entirety, while the some of the other lines complimented it, as if they were motifs.

[Ella Emergency]

This was great. For the most part, I'm less impressed by rhyming (especially when I do it), but this made perfect sense, and the rhyming was incredible.

I think the biggest issue i have with rhyme is that people use words simply BECAUSE it rhymes, when we should just be getting out our feelings, and not worrying about rhyme. But this... Is a great argument against me. It wasn't cheesy like i kinda thought it would be. It was great.