Our ship, at long last, planted its bow on the shores of Roanoke. Anger bled from my pores for two long years as I waited for this day. I was forced to leave my love behind, Annabelle, as I ventured to England for food and supplies. Her only solace in the days that I was gone was a necklace with a small charm that I gave her the day we set sail. I made a promise I wasn’t sure I could keep, that I would see her again, and that we would make a better life, and a family here in Roanoke. Her trust in me was all that allowed her heart to let me go, and she believed my promise would be kept, as had been true with every other vow I’d made to her in the past.
My name is Jacob Reynolds. This is the story of the day my life ended.
The crew got busy the moment we landed and began unloading the ship. The only concern on my mind was holding Annabelle’s hand, and knowing that she was okay. I wasn’t the only one. I, John White and another crewmate by the name of William Ebram, all had loved ones that they had to see again. John with both his daughter and his granddaughter born while we were away, and William with his own brother waiting for him in the fort.
The skies were a sooty grey, a chill filled the air. I thought only the best for Annabelle, regardless. Thunder came with no rain, the Lord’s way of warning me otherwise. I was hesitant to proceed.
“Pick your head up Jacob.” William said, sensing my worry. “We’re almost there. Annabelle’s gonna want to see a smile on your face.”
“It’s been a long journey William.”
“It’s over.”
“It is.”
William has and will always be the only man who could lift my spirits. I thank the Lord for having him these long excruciating years. Neither of us had forgotten that no word had come from Roanoke after the news of John’s granddaughter. None of us had forgotten the uncertainty.
The fort was coming into our line of sight. Even as we enclosed on what we longed to see again, it became something I couldn’t bear to lay my eyes on. Vines and weeds had embraced the fort with millions of threatening arms. Ruin had overcome the fort, no sign of light, no sign of the love that I had been seeking.
“Jacob--” William began.
“I see it.”
“It isn’t true.”
My pace quickened as John and William lagged behind. Soon, and without my own knowledge, my stride broke into a sprint, and I was soon upon the decrepit fort. I hesitantly entered, stepping over high grasses and broken stone.
“Annabelle?” The cry arose from my throat before my mind was able to ponder the ridiculousness of that call. Annabelle was not here. No one was. Neither was any evidence that she or anyone else had ever been there.
“Good Lord.”
I heard the voice from the right of me. John and William were glancing at the gatepost, John was rubbing the dirt clean from the wood.
“Croatoan” William said out loud.
“It was them.” I said. Though I wasn’t sure. I needed someone to blame. I needed some explanation.
“We don’t know that.” William protested.
“I’ll alert the men.” John said.
I watched him go. I saw now, that I wasn’t the only one who’d been wounded. John sulked out of the fort. His shoulder dropped. He’d lost his daughter, his son-in-law, and the granddaughter he was yet to meet.
“We don’t even know that they’re gone.” William continued, his eyes glued to the inscription on the gatepost, in the same place they were since he stepped into the fort. William had a tight as rubber-cement relationship with his brother. He was shocked and dumbfound by this discovery. He wouldn’t hear or see anyone or anything. I didn’t bother saying anything. “Maybe they moved, better land…”
“Where would they go?” I said aloud, though I knew he wasn’t listening.
He didn’t answer. Still he looked at the gatepost, the only thing left behind. I looked around the fort, my eyes frantically searching for something, for answers. My feet began traveling the debris once again, drawing me closer to something I saw out of the corner of my eye, but didn’t consciously desire to investigate. This movement finally pulled William out of his trance, and he looked up and followed.
The final piece to a swiftly started and abruptly finishing puzzle. A skeleton laid on the ground, amidst the rubble. Clear as day, dry and brittle.
“No.” William whispered. Before he could speak, my knees were weak, and I was on the ground. She was dead. They were all dead. I didn’t keep my promise, and she was gone. I never should have left. I knew, the moment I handed her the necklace that that trip was not for me. I should’ve stayed.
The necklace.
My hands got to work, searching the rubble, looking for the necklace. The broken stone cut at the skin on my hands, but I continued to search. With William in the background repeating the word no, and my sobs erupting from my throat, I searched. The silver chain with the small horse hanging from it never turned up. My hands rested, and I ended my search.
Maybe she’s waiting for me somewhere, I thought. Maybe she’s okay, maybe they weren’t all killed.
It couldn’t be true. I knew it. She was gone, I would never see her again.
Let it never be said that a man cannot cry. I allowed the tears to come, me and William both.
The crew arrived, very many of them were not surprised. Most of them had no connection to those left here. They didn’t care. They’d seen this before, and thought we could rebuild. We tried, and it brought destruction. They watched, spitting at the ground, if not at both William and I, for we were torn souls, embarrassing to them. Those gone, were our lives. Our lives were gone.
“Get up, Jacob.” John said. One lone dry tear stained his cheek and nothing other than that.
“Annabelle…” I whispered, gazing adversely at the lonely bones on the ground. I stood up, and walked to the ship, not looking at anyone. Once on the ship I went back to my cabin, and sat on my bed. I couldn’t think of anything else, couldn’t think of tomorrow now that Annabelle was gone, and there was nothing else left in life for me.
----------------------
Light burned my eyes when I woke up in the same place I was when I sat on the bed the night before, leaning against the wall in my cabin. I glanced at the small window that allowed light to come in, wanting to identify the time of day. There was no light shining through the glass, only bouncing from it. Beyond the glass, the sky remained sooty gray, a slight hint of blue daylight peeked through the clouds. I searched the room for the source of the blinding light and quickly found it. A figure stood at the foot of my bed.
“Annabelle?”
---------------------
He was just as I remembered him. Beautiful, strong, and brown eyes that could bring me to my knees. Though those eyes were sad, and questioning. He sat up in his bed, looking straight at me, almost fearful. I couldn’t speak, wish I could, wish I could tell him exactly what I’d been dying to tell him all these years, but fear held my tongue. I was afraid that I would speak and not be heard. Mostly, I was afraid my voice would bring them back.
“Annabelle?” he asked again. I nodded. He melted in front of me, reduced to tears there on his bed.
I only wanted to look at him, take in the sight of him, and then go back to where I belonged. Instead, I went to him, and sat next to him.
“What happened to you?” he asked.
I kissed him, soft on the cheek. His skin was rough, unshaved. He smelled good. Not sweet, but good. It was the musky scent of hard work, and salty tears. It pained me that he had to mourn for me.
I stood up and led him out of the ship. I remained unworried about the other crewmates, for only Jacob would see me, because all I wanted was for him to see me.
I took him back to the fort, and showed him the gatepost.
“Yes, I know.” he said. “They did this to you?”
I shook my head. I tried to speak to him. “It wasn’t them.” I said.
“What is it Annabelle?” he asked, having not heard my voice that was no more than a whisper.
“It wasn’t them.” I said louder.
He was confused. He glanced around the fort. His brow wrinkled. “Then who?”
“What.” I corrected him.
“Tell me.”
“You must leave. No one can stay here. Not in Roanoke. Anywhere but here.”
“What do you mean?”
“They won't let you. They’ll give you three months. If you upset them, and you will, they will get rid of all of you.”
“Annabelle…”
“Just go. Take all of them with you. Tell them, tell John and William, that we’re in a better place.”
“Are you?”
I tried to hide the truth. I didn’t want him to see. I nodded. I held back my own tears.
“How did you get here?” he asked.
“They…, they like me. I help them.”
I couldn’t stay any longer. I couldn’t say anymore. They would hear it. And Jacob would be in danger.
I left him. I heard his agonizing cries after me.
“I’ll come for you, in your sleep.” I whispered, and from miles away he heard.
---------------
“Hey, Jacob. What’re you doing?”
It was John, behind me, five other crewmates with him.
“We should go back.” I told him. “We’ll tell the Queen this place is not fit for living.”
“No. We’re staying. Too much money has been spent on this endeavor.”
“And too many lives lost.”
John didn’t have an answer. He looked down at the floor.
“I’ll sleep on it.” he said. And that was it.
Having seen Annabelle made everything better. Though too many things were misunderstood. I couldn’t stand to let anything happen to these people who cared very little for me. She told me to leave, and that was all I had to know. It wouldn’t be enough to get us out of here though. I prayed to the Lord she’d return with answers.
----------------
That night, sleep did not easily come. Many had began to settle into the fort, trying to find livable places in Roanoke to put up camp. I stayed in my cabin, my gut full of aqua vitae, hoping that would bring me to rest. Two hours after my head hit the pillow, my lids grew heavy, and sleep did come.
Meaningless dreams passed my lids. Dreams of restless seas, of sea monsters, of buried treasure, a silly little dream about a dancing oxen. Until finally, I saw Annabelle. She was sitting on a stone bench, at the front of the fort. She was smiling. Beside her, a baby slept in a basinet. Ananais and Eleanor stood at its side. It was Virginia, asleep with loved ones all around her. Lush plants surrounded them, blooming flowers and no sign of destruction soon to come.
In my sleep I murmured tell me why.
She heard this and put her finger to her mouth. “Shh.” she said. “She’s sleeping.”
Suddenly the scene changed. Weeds began to creep over the walls, and Annabelle, Eleanor, Ananais and Virginia were gone.
Her voice spoke, though she was not there.
“Jacob listen close. I can only do this once. They will not hear me while your sleeping, so do not wake up. If they find out, your finished.”
The scene remained, her voice spoke, as weeds continued to creep around the walls, dirt eroded, plants died, and walls fell, destructed by animals.
“We angered them. Not the Indians, the spirits. Spirits of unearthly beings, inhuman. Before us, there were…things here. I don’t know what to call them. Monstrous. They protect this land, from destructive humans. They want to keep it for themselves, so that one day they could come back, and have a place for themselves. We made them angry. We didn’t take care of the land, and they took us away. Swift but not easy. First, they took away our breath, than, they stopped our hearts with a pressure we could feel. The Indians knew. They tried to help. They tried to get us out, we were dying slowly. They tried to help, and I wanted you to know that. That’s why I wrote their name in the gateposts. They tried to get us out, even as we were being destroyed. But they were too late. They went unharmed, because they didn’t commit any crime against these monsters. They let us die, and those of us who didn’t find a suitable hiding place, were taken here, for eternity. I am able to come to you now because they allowed me to at my request. I wanted to see you again. I had to. These things, they will take you too. If you do anything, as simple as littering their grounds, they will take you away at the mark of the end of three months. You must leave. There are signs. You will know they are coming if you re---”
I was shaken awake. Her voice remained in me ear.
“You mustn’t awake. They will get you!”
My eyes were thrown open by the persistent hand that shook my shoulder. I awoke, and saw William at my bedside.
“Jacob? I came to check in on you. It's past noon and still you’re sound asleep.”
“William, please leave my cabin this instant.”
“What? Jacob…?”
“Now!”
Even as William was leaving the room, I could hear her cries.
“I’m sorry Jacob. I warned you not to wake. Now they know, and there going to be angry. I’m so sorry Jacob.”
I reached for a notepad and a pen for I had no idea when my demise would come. I found the pen, but not the paper. So I began to write it on my door. I hoped that someone would see.
Before the pen hit the door, my breathe was pulled from chest.
“No! Jacob…”
Her voice in my ear. Then soon, Annabelle stood in front of me.
A pressure pressed against my heart, so forceful that felt like a dozen ships had docked on my chest.
“Does it pain you? Jacob, please, tell me it doesn’t.”
I shook my head, and a weak smile spread across her lips.
“Because you’re a squaddie, isn’t that right?”
I nodded my head. I was surprised she remembered. I told her that she wouldn’t miss me when I’m gone because she was my squaddie, my soldier.
She reached around her neck, and pulled something away, let it collapse in the palm of her hand. It was the necklace. She put it into mine, and closed my fist around it.
“Ride this horse here to me. You can do it. They can’t control your passage here. I rode a chariot. Just think it, and you’ll ride a horse here to me.”
I nodded in agreement.
--------------------------
I didn’t mean to bring this upon him. I knew I shouldn’t have tried to tell him anything. Now he was dying, and there was no way of knowing what would happen when he arrived at this endless void.
Thanking the Lord I’d lost faith in for awhile that I was able to be with him now, I held him in my arms. His body was stiff as he fought with the pain.
“I love you Jacob.” I told him.
He clenched the necklace in his fists.
I stroked his hair, and soon, he closed his eyes. From his other hand, a pen fell Immediately to the floor. I looked up at the door where I saw him fall. He began to write, but his pen never hit the door. This was good. Any mention of those other worldly people, and it would’ve meant the end for all the new settlers.
I left the room in time for William to come in and discover that Jacob was missing. William searched the ship for him and never found him. They came to the conclusion that the Croatoan kidnapped Jacob, and murdered him as a sign that they were not welcome. Jacob was one of John’s favorite shipmates.
Days later, John White took the ship back to England. No one heard of the unworldly happening of Roanoke, and referred to it only as a mystery.
I am yet to meet Jacob again, but he’s here, and I’ll find him. In time, that little silver horse will bring us together again, just like he promised.
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