Like a Car

Like a Car

                 

I am like a car, I won’t stop 
I will get hit but I will keep going
I will have my times but I will get the help I need

Seeing the stop sign will not stop me
For the roads are empty and no one is taking my path

I will keep going with a smile 
I will reach the mountain and I will climb it 
And in the harshest of weather
I might flinch, but I will keep going
I won’t be a Toyota, I will be a Mercedes
Maybe even a Porsche
One day… I will fly here and there
Other cars will try to stop me 
They will say I am crazy
But once I fly in the air
They will want to do it too

Seeing the stop sign won’t stop me 
For the roads are empty and no one is taking my path

Other cars will try to stop me, they will say I am crazy
But I won’t stop, I won’t care
I won’t live up to their needs and expectations
I will have my own, and I will work to satisfy that
I will keep going and I won’t stop
Because I am like a car 

Author's Note

Please write me feedback. I want to improve and thank u. I hope u enjoyed it. :-)

Reviews

[Tomoe Tellez]

Well, it was quite thrilling to read this. I loved it, especially this part:
Seeing the stop sign won’t stop me
For the roads are empty and no one is taking my path
I sorry I can't give any advice since I don't know much about poetry but I can't see something that needs fixing other than what Bear already mentioned.

[Farrah]

Thank you so much! You made my day!! :-)

[Tomoe Tellez]

You're welcome! :)

[Delmar Cooper]

My grandfather went to the World's Fair Came home talking about flying cars. I want my flying car, I was promised, damnit.

[Lorenzo]

you must be a very stubborn person :) I like that even the stop signs won't stop you. it's like you were born to create new path I felt that throughout this poem. As you say "Other cars will try to stop me, they will say I am crazy
But I won’t stop" it's just like the world today, if someone is different we've created labels and say they have a mental disorder. we throw pills at them until they are molded into society. It's refreshing to see someone else who wants to break the mold society has formed around us.

[Eliot Knight]

The purpose of any writing is to get across your feelings to the reader and I felt every bit of fight you have in you, well done!
I think Bear pretty much said it all, if I may add a few more pointers:
Though the car is a great analogy, it doesn't quite fit as cars do stop, perhaps a car without breaks? or a train that does not stop even if there are things in it's path unless it wants to. Cars crash if there is something in their path. Brave choice; a car, however I would suggest you change it to make it more accurate.
If I said, she is strong like a straw, it can be argued straws aren't strong? like that.
Instead of using a simile and saying 'like a car' try 'I am a car' (again something more accurate would be better.'
'taking my road' sounds better as your theme is built around a car analogy.
'walking my path' would sound better but you aren't using the term walking as you are a car, so I wouldn't go with that.
'in the harshest of weathers' plural since you are comparing.
You mentioned other people as 'other cars' same way, I think you should make yourself 'a car' rather than 'like a car.'
A good way to write a poem is to read it out loud, you will hear the structure and form and be able to correct it.
I hope that helped, wish you all the luck, brilliant work! :)

[Farrah]

Hi Eliot! :-) Thank you so much for taking the time to review my writing. I really appreciate it because I think that one of the major ways to improve in writing is feedback so again thank you super super much!! I will work on it some more!

[Eliot Knight]

Your welcome :)

[Joshua Marshall]

I really like this. Comparing a car's movement to the movement of human life. It's a grand design.

[Farrah]

Thank you ! I am glad you liked!

[NathanielAlexander]

A nice piece, I like the angle you came from and I enjoyed the expression of emotion throughout. An evident will to succeed and push on past any chains that may hold you down etc. Or merely to overcome life's low blows! This is a nice piece of work I hope to read more soon!

[Farrah]

Thank you, Nathaniel, for your kind words; it really encouraged me to write more since it has been a while since I last uploaded something so I will try to write more. Thank you!

[Bear]

Bravo! Great concept, I love the car/person comparison and I don't recall reading a similar idea so it is unique to me. You support lines are masterfully written and the message of the poem should be inspiring to all who read it I give it five out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!
The only thing you might consider is the sentence structure, when you have long and short sentences together it affects the flow and you can fix this very easy the way your poem is constructed. If I may be so bold:

I am like a car, I won’t stop
I will get hit but I will keep going
I will have my times but I will get the help I need

Seeing the stop sign will not stop me
For the roads are empty and no one is taking my path

I will keep going with a smile
I will reach the mountain and I will climb it
And in the harshest of weather
I might flinch, but I will keep going
I won’t be a Toyota, I will be a Mercedes
Maybe even a Porsche
One day… I will fly here and there
Other cars will try to stop me
They will say I am crazy
But once I fly in the air
They will want to do it too

Seeing the stop sign won’t stop me
For the roads are empty and no one is taking my path

Other cars will try to stop me, they will say I am crazy
But I won’t stop, I won’t care
I won’t live up to their needs and expectations
I will have my own, and I will work to satisfy that
I will keep going and I won’t stop
Because I am like a car

[Farrah]

Omg!! Thank you so much for your honest feedback. I realized that I have a problem with sentence structuring so I will fix it. Thank you for your super kind and encouraging words!