heterosexual ham sandwich

heterosexual ham sandwich
by farris graybaer
raceland, ky
sept.8, 2014 a.d.

verse one:
oscar meyer commercial replayin in my head,
juicy meat, seed of sin, it tried to fill my mind
but I have the antidote, and I keep my bible read
I ain't got no hairy palms, and i ain't goin' blind

chorus:
I got a whole package of plastic wrapped orange square
with a sliced loaf of bleached white bread, fully enriched!
no condiments on my sin free straight meal over there!
with water added, eatin' my heterosexual ham sandwich.

verse two:
you, with that rye bread wrapped around a turkey club
and that one, with a tossed salad trapped in sourdough, oh!
fancypants ov'ere with pumpernickel corned beef cajun rub
dear lord help me pray the gay away, where'd that ol' pig go?

verse three:
ain't no bratwurst crossin' up on my grill, it's for steaks!
don't want no pita bread with gyro meat sizzled off a pole
and if you're rollin' that hot dog cart this way, hit your brakes
keep your sausage to yourself, only ham for this soul

verse four:
and these particular breads, hey, I like my fructose to be high
with mono and di- glycerides, and yummy a-zo-dicarbonimide.
The finest sliced white bread ever to cover my orange slice,
with straight meatcraft of salted pork, my heterosexual pride!

coda: two slices of plain white bread, one glistening slice of water added ham, one shiny plastic slice of orange cheese product. totally straight.