A Boy

One the top of a building there was a boy who sat there daily and watched the world around him moving, his eyes glistened with the hidden sorrows and his smile disappeared somewhere in the air. Despite his sorrows, he smiled when he was with someone and everytime he smiled, he smiled the brightest.

He was not okay, but he couldn't explain to all others..

So he always kept that fake smile on his face...

He used to miss his dad because his dad left him and his mom.

All he could do is escape, the only way he could've escape is by sleeping a lot.

He was afraid to see and feel anything

He had so much courage to hide tears behind his bright fake smile.

He remembered his life before all this happened

He miss the way he used to be

If he could've escaped one week to be the way he was 

He would be back to love his life.

His life was good until these things started happening and when he lost her younger sister due to disease

He loved her sister so much that they both used to feel empty without eachother.

One day, he was walking on the street surrounded by his griefs and depression and he saw his old school pal, as they were best of friends in the school, he went to him. 

"Hey Neville, wassup?" said the boy. 

"Hey Alfred" his friend said.

The boy was desperate to pour out his emotions to his best friend.

"It's been a long time so can we-"

"Maybe next time dude, I'm running late for my job" Neville walks away.

The boy's face turned pale, and he headed up towards home for dinner.

"Hey mum, can you describe loneliness?"

"What? What happened to you son?"

"Oh no! Nothing, just asking"

"If nothing has happened, so you don't need to think about these things."

He was off to his bed, but he always struggled to sleep those days.

"Now, the monsters gonna speak" he whispered and slept.

"You are completely worthless Alfred" a man's voice reverberated and Alfred saw nothing but a finger pointing him through the darkness.

"It's not working Alfred, I'm not happy with you" a girl turned her back to him and walked away.

"Hahaha, look here's the a**hole" a bunch of people laughted at him. He heard noises in his sleep, their words echoed and made him restless even while he was asleep. He woke up and his pillow was wet.

As he gets ready for the college, he walked out through the door and chose the opposite way to his college.

Once again he sat on the top of that building looking at the world running before his eyes, he looked up at the sky and the next moment everything went  chaos.

The voices of ambulance and car of cops were enhanced.

As the boy was no longer sitting on. 

Reviews

[Tazeen Ahmed]

The crux of the point made here is "loneliness". A really sad story. maybe, you could've imparted more strong sentiments. I'm never good at stories. In my recent (10th grade) assessment, I ended up cooking unsounding stories in my english paper.:p
You've completely mastered em.
Instead of "mate", you could have used fellow, friend, chap, pal..(it a wrong word I feel in this context).
Oh! He suicides in the end.
.
.
Marvellous poem!

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thanks from your constructive review tazeen

[richieb]

Farhan,
A sad story that reverberates with truth in all societies. Your writing captures the downward spire of depression, and the lack of positive support. Your words are calm and deliberate and show the only way this situation will end. Thank you for this well written story.
Blessings,
Richie b.

[Kimiko Watson]

This is a well written story. I love the way you started the story "One the top of a building there was a boy who sat there daily and watched the world around him moving, his eyes glistened with the hidden sorrows and his smile disappeared somewhere in the air. Despite his sorrows, he smiled when he was with someone and everytime he smiled, he smiled the brightest." It immediately grabbed my attention. I am able to relate to this story because there are many times that I am sad but I smile just to make others around me happy. You have a gift my friend never stop writing and never stop believing in yourself. I also love your organization of the story it is just so unique and appealing to the eyes.Your use of language also made it is for me to picture the story in my head as if it were a movie. Keep up the good work my friend. I patiently await more of your work. Lovely, lovely piece.

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thanks so much, your words means a lot... thanks once again

[Karisha Nove]

Depression is dangerous for person... it's about the burden that child was carrying in his heart and want to tell his best friend but his best friend don't have time...
His mom told him to not to think but he still feel it... it's like someone told you that if you are hurt stop feeling it...
Nice Poem...

[Vic]

A sad story, with a lot of thoughts and emotions swirling around the main character. I liked the first paragraph the best, the tone changed a little bit with the third. It went from: Mc feeling or doing something (most sentences started with "He") and then it switches to anecdotes: "One day..."

To keep the tone consistent, you could write the anecdotes in the same style as above.
He asked for help.. from his mom, from his friends etc... then do the dialogue.

Over all, good story

[Donicca Dona L]

this is so scary, deep and sad at the same time.
you know I am huge fan of your work, so I am not really surprised reading another great one.
but do me a favor
don't let the dark turning off your light because we need more light like yours :)
stay well my friend :)

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you so much...that means a lot

[Anjali]

This is such a deep write and it holds bittersweet truth in it. I absolutely adored the way you described loneliness, and it's effects. I've felt it too, it's painful. Such an empowering write you have written! Keep writing.

[Haniya]

Wow. I think this story causes the reader to be engrossed into it and bring out some emotions as well. I'm impressed with this one. Good Job! And if the guy in this story is a reflection of yourself, then please do not hesitate to talk out your feelings with us. We are with you, always.

[Accalia]

What an impact. This poem screams emotion and feeling! Now for me I found it a little difficult to follow everyone who was talking, but overall a amazing poem! Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work.

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you so much

[Joanna Matilda Barlow]

I see great potential here. I know that it takes time to make it great and to make something work... But... you don't even need to worry about whether it'll make it or not. It will. As long as you feel it and believe that it will. That's all what matters.

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you for your kind words..😄

[prachi prangya agasti]

You described the essence so vividly i just loved it. Nice one.

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you Prachi 😃