A Cursed Phoenix

It was a beautiful evening, sun was nearly set but still few rays were up there shining beyond the hills.

It was silent in the empty sky. The silence was broken by an echo, an echo of lament. There flew beautiful and wonderful bird with red and golden plumage, alone up in the evening air.
Its eyes were blue and shiny as sapphires and the bird was large as an eagle, its feathers were red and golden with colourful tail it was an Egyptian phoenix who was mourning for some reason.

An old Woman in the castle nearby was remedying a young man's wounds by medication who was injured during a war. While curing she caught a sight of a phoenix from inside the castle. Woman with grey hair and wrinkles on her face wearing a silver crown on her head  saw the phoenix landing down near a lake, her green emerald eyes were trembling towards the phoenix.

As the phoenix landed near a lake he was looking at his reflection, in the lake his dreadful face was looking much older. Soon there was another reflection joined the phoenix's it was the same woman who was watching the phoenix mourning in the sky, she bent down and sat on her knees she ran her hand on old phoenix.

"You're looking dreadful" she muttered. 
Phoenix turned his head towards the woman.
"What happened?" She muttered her emerald eyes were full of tears.

Phoenix took two stepped ahead towards the lake and leaned ahead. It dropped one of his red and golden feather in the lake and one feather changed the reflection in the lake.

There was no more reflection of the phoenix and woman nor of the sky, and the feather in the lake was burnt in the lake, this changed the expression of the woman, now she was startled. 
With the drop of his feather lake showed them the past of the phoenix .

'500 years ago there were chaos everywhere two kingdoms were fighting a battle and the phoenix was watching the battle while flying, the defenders and the conquerors in between the war the defender's king stabbed his sword into the chest of the conqueror's leader, king thought he won the battle and defended his kingdom but the conqueror's leader wasn't totally dead at the moment, later phoenix slowly touched his feets down on the land and stood  beside lying body of the conqueror's leader and shed his tears over his wound and the tears of phoenix healed the conqueror's leader wounds and the leader  jumped back on his feet once again and king was appalled after seeing his enemy rising again, and the leader of the conquerors stabbed his sword in the king's chest, 

there was no more chaos while the king fell down to his feet and before dying the king cursed the phoenix who healed his enemy's wound and gave his life back to rule the innocent people. "Phoenix, you did no good" his voice echoed around. "You will never burn into flames for your rebirth, you will grow old and will die but you will never feel young again, this is my curse to you" he growled.

"No! no! do not curse a bird the bird had no idea of what's happening here" a man came running towards the king. this man was one of the king's army he leaned down to held falling body of the king.

"Cursing a phoenix is a sin, your majesty please do not curse him" he said.

"I-I- ahh, umm already did" said king with his cracking voice, there was no doubt that king cannot hold on for a few more minutes, his eyes were half closed gazing at his man.
" But this curse will be broken, ahh! only if- if the pho-phoenix will heal a true warrior eghmm, only then bird w- will reborn ehhh" king said his last words of his life as he closed his eyes his man took a deep sighs and the conquerors started celebration.

Woman looked startled after seeing the memory of the phoenix she clutched that phoenix in her arms and walked quickly on the carpet surrounded by a garden on both side among beautiful greenery she was walking by, trees had colourful flowers and now sun was down and there were no sunrays shining in the sky anymore, she took the phoenix along in the room with golden structure and huge silver chandelier was hung right above the bed  where that young man was lying and he was lying unconscious. 
Phoenix saw that young man struggled to heal, it knew that the man needs to get healed. That old woman released the phoenix from her clutch and kept it beside the lying unconscious body on a red bedsheet.

Phoenix stepped forward and  shed his tears on young man's wounds and a moment later his wounds started healing and he opened his eyes and the first thing he saw is that old woman.
"Mom, you did it!" He muttered while rubbing his hand on his forehead. Old woman was his mother
"No my son, it wasn't me, it was this phoenix" while smiling she pointed her glistening eyes towards the phoenix.
Young man gazed towards the phoenix "Of course, phoenix tears have healing powers" he growled with an excitement to be healthy once again. He came off from the bed to hug his mother, and both of them looked at the phoenix.

"You know! You saved him too" said old woman.
young man looked shocked "Me? How?" He gazed at his mother.
"He was cursed 500 years ago, and he could only be freed by healing the wounds of the man who is true warrior, who was injured by fighting for greater good and always kind  to everyone" muttered old woman with her eyes full of tears.
Young man built a nest of aromatic woods so the phoenix can burn into flames and rise again from the ashes.

Young man and old woman took the phoenix into the nest, moment later dreadful phoenix meanwhile had become a fireball, it gave one loud shriek and next second there was nothing but a smouldering pile of ashes on the floor. 

"It was his burning day" young man muttered.
both of them looked down in time to see a tiny, wrinkled, new born bird poke it's head out of the ashes.
Finally the phoenix burnt and now he will be fine. Few days later after harbouring the fascinating creature phoenix young man allowed the phoenix to fly and make his journey once again.

Young man placed the phoenix on his palm with his mother on his right side, allowed him to fly,  the next second phoenix flew up in the blue sky.
Both the mother and the son smiled by looking at the flying phoenix.

"You must burn to emerge" muttered the young man. As the music reverberated up in the air and they saw the phoenix departing from the castle, perhaps one last time.

.

Reviews

[LKBillips]

It feels like an old proverb with a moral kind of story. I liked it. A few words it feels like are missing but good story none the less.

[Anjali]

"you must burn to emerge" this is my favorite line from this piece. I really liked this story very much! It's amazing! It's quite simple and I think it is it's quality! Keep writing!

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thankyou Anjali

[Anjali]

You're welcome!

[heartspeaks]

Probably the best read of my day...You just activated my imagination ..Speechless...Definitely reminded me of Harry potter and the chamber of secrets... Very Well done Farhan Mashallah...Keep it up...I hope this gets published somewhere and I would be glad to see your name there. Long way to go...But definitely you wilk make it...Thank you so much for sharing this

[Farhan Shaikh]

Your review boost my confidence, and yeh In Shaa Allah one day i will make it..thank you☺

[APOORVA]

Superb
Classy
Impeccable
Aamzing

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thanks Apoorva☺

[APOORVA]

welcome sir....

[Vic]

This was a good story. Simple and engaging. Some constructive criticism would be to limit the number of ideas you have per sentence to one.

For example: "It was totally silent in the empty sky as nothing good happened, and the silence was broken by an echo, echo of lament and it was heard from the sky, and the empty sky showed up a beautiful and wonderful bird with red and golden plumage flying alone up in the air in that evening."

This could be broken up into: "It was silent in the empty sky. The silence was broken by an echo, an echo of lament. There flew beautiful and wonderful bird with red and golden plumage, alone up in the evening air."

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you so much for your help

[Arman]

What a punching line in the end very good story

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

I took time reading this story and I really like it to the core

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thanks so much 😊

[Priyanshi]

Very well written ,Farhan...you always come up with unique ideas and your stories become the brilliant work, Keep it up.

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you so much Priyanshi

[Priyanshi]

My pleasure.

[Joey Nizz]

What a wonderful story with an amazing imagery, you did a very good job writing this one.

Thanks for sharing.

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you! For your kind review Joey

[Joey Nizz]

Your welcome :)

[Psychotic Lily]

I love your writings Farhan (especially your poems) but I'm rather fussy when it comes to stories (don't hate me for this.

You have a large vocabulary, that's good. It gives variety to the sentences. However, there are some words used incorrectly like growled. Growled is used for hostility, but it was clearly obvious that the man wasn't hostile to the voice.

Next would be the cohesion of the paragraphs. a teacher of mine once said that the first sentence of paragraph must be somehow related to the last sentence of the paragraph before it so the flow of reading wouldn't be disrupted. That happened from the transition from the phoenix flying and then suddenly to the old woman. This rule can be overlooked but it's better to keep this in mind.

Lastly, would be the voice. Meaning you should be imagining that you are the phoenix yourself and put more impact and description to the story, like putting more description to the battle 500 years ago make your readers feel that they are about to swoop into the bloody scene like the phoenix and the chaotic emotions that came along with it. (If you are in a battle scene the chaos doesn't just stop like what happened with the king, another thing the king doesn't sound like a dying man) This way the readers can sympathize with the characters. And their emotions should be spoken out using figures of speech I suggest.

Okay okay enough bad news. Over-all it is a good story (with minor grammar problems) I like how you imagined the phoenix at the first part, and the last dialogue was really striking. I like that part the most. Keep up the good work!

(Don't hate me for this - love your poems btw)

[Farhan Shaikh]

It's okay i appreciate your review and suggestions and i will work on it to make them good thankyou for your advise..this review will be my reminder whenever i write new story..thank you