Touch Me Nots

The tender but uneven words of the uneventful
keep my thoughts in check.
The harsh winds that you can feel fading to white,
the red and gold parts of the sky falling into piles,
the taste of dark chocolate while your complexion fades with the wind.
It's all perfect but so impossible
and
so incredibly wanted by everyone
why should it happen for me?
Why should I be the one that has
ten
fingers to share?
I want to be part of that connection.
I want to share the warmth
that protects us from the fading winds. But when the
faded winds turn back to orange I want to see
you standing in the deceiving sun with open arms.
I want to be your only
want to be.
I want to show you real marigolds because
they're only real when you're part of this connection.
Otherwise they fade to white with the wind.
The yellow lines couldn't keep us on the road
so let's not fight it.
Let's follow the telephone wires and stars and dreams
and hope white winds land us into winter
because I've been falling forever
and winter is after fall.

Reviews

[Kara Emily Krantz]

i think i want to punch you in the nose.

or kiss you on the lips.

:-O oh boy.

this is another incredible piece. i'm afraid to read any more from you... because you're ridiculous. i don't know... it's hard to find older poets with a grace and understanding such as yours... and at your age you're not even supposed to cognitively be able to process things the way you do!!
it's incredible, and i adore it.

and i think i'm going to quickly adore YOU. :)

"I want to be your only
want to be.
I want to show you real marigolds because
they're only real when you're part of this connection."

i mean, really!? really?

really.

[Sarah]

I really like your use of color, description, and alluding to the seaons in order to bring this piece to life. You really paint a picture with your words. ^_^

[Picture of Poetry]

Wow. This is such an amazing poem. It is also very deep too. You are very good at discribing the emotions with in it, and it has such a great flow to it. This is now one of my favorite poems that you have written. You are a very tallented writer. Hope you know that. :-}

[Tigran Avoundjian]

i wrote a long review (5 pointer) and i was reading it over and firefox died on me. excuse me for being brief and bitter and do not assume a defensive crouch.

i like the motif of red and yellow leaves and the contrast with the white of the wind/winter. i like the free form flow and the half-graceful way (more later) the poem winds down to the end (almost like a leaf falling, no?).

i think the first five lines of the poem don't really add much, in fact they could easily not be there and the poem would still make perfect sense.

you've got some grace, but it's only half-grace. i think you sort of stumble your way, tripping and slipping, and somehow finish on your feet, making the rolling and stumbling seem graceful. images sort of pile on top of each other and clash. although, i must say, that does add to the pile of leaves theme.