sharing oxygen

"You'll never see me again 'Cause I miss you already."

it's strange how the light never looks like waves
as it splashes
and
ebbs
and
pours
all over and into the dark
and breaks the silence with the droning hum of the evening.
sitting, warm and intact, we wait for the stars to disappear
so we can be alone.
once alone we operate like a machine
gears made to work with eachother
for eachother.
the sun is a tsunami of morning before i realize
that we've been here all night.
the day breaks and its illumination cascades onto the windshield
before it floods the cabin.
it reaches our chins and we don't bother to breathe
because when you're sharing oxygen
it's hard to drown.

Reviews

[Shelly Araujo]

beautiful work especially moved by the last few lines

[We are young.]

wow, this is so sweet, it was so marvelous. It gave me chills at the end.

[R.W. Blue]

w~o~w. this is just amazing. it captures the reader in the moment and doesn't let go. the last couple of lines just make this poem... indescribable. you are just amazing. you truly have a magical ability.

[Lady Lazarus.]

because when you're sharing oxygen
it's hard to drown.


a work of genius.
a relaxed rhythmic style and amazing word choices.
a great piece of work

[Star]

That's a total Death Cab moment. I feel like I've been there before~

Light being water is an amazing metaphor. =)

[Lydia R. Ferraro]

Delightful.

And I want to say relaxing...as if I was breathing in the imagery. I especially appreciate the last line, rather comforting I think.

: ) Thanks for sharing.

[Jason Henry]

excellent imagery...wordplay was amazing dude...congratulations on such a great piece of poetry. it certainly brought over a rush when i was reading this...

[EliJoLee]

woww.
this is amazing.
i loved the detail u put into this.
it was simply beauutiful.
great write!

[Pointblank]

Beautiful. What talent you have at fifteen! If I could go back intime I'd look you up and fall in love with you. Awesome write. ( The old lady says after reading one thousand girls drool over you) You've got IT my friend.

[Ari]

Wow. This is the second piece of yours that I've read, and I love it. The entire second half of this has me absolutely enthralled.