Beggars

I write em like i see em

Begging in the scorching heat,

Their hands extended,

Their faces beseeching,

Asking for something to eat.

 

A young boy sleeping on the ground,

Awakens and dons his sodden rags,

Ignoring the rumblings in his stomach,

Towards the road, his feet he drags.

 

His rags are covered in filth,

His eyes swimming with tears,

He walks towards the road,

Ignoring the children’s taunting leers.

 

He approaches a car on his protesting feet,

As if in a trance,

The light turns green, the car drives off,

Without a backward glance.

 

He stands where he is,

Not caring abut his health,

Wondering about,

The secrets of wealth.

 

Calling it a day,

On the pavement he lies,

Hoping that,

He dies, dies, dies.     

Author's Note

Revise the second last stanza someone.

Reviews

[Tribute To Jadey]

Despite what you've said, I think the rhyme schme makes it strong enough. Especically with the last stanza...That was powerful. Splendid work. You have much talent

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

Awe, this was a depressing write. The poor little boy. I feel bad for him. Not wanting to be alive, but then again I understand though. I wouldn't want to be in that situation either. This was a great write though. I enjoyed. Thanks for sharing.

[SOUL LESS]

Ah well...glad you like it. I personally think that it lacks strength. Too rhymy...not enough substance. I wrote it a long time back. Thanks for the review. :)

[Angie Diane♥♥]

You're welcome. I wanted to review back :)

[SOUL LESS]

Admirable sentiments....

[Angie Diane♥♥]

I've always been this way with reviewing. C:

[Lost in Wonderland]

Wow, such a powerful piece from a new perspective that people don't think about often. Nicely done. And I love the last stanza. Those four simple lines held such emotion and depth...great work

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

Brilliant!
Wondering if the off-rhyme was intended in the first stanza.
Begging in the scorching heat,
Their hands extended,
Their faces beseeching,
Asking for something to eat.

If you reversed the first two lines, then the rhyme scheme would match the rest of the poem.

Their hands extended,
Begging in the scorching heat,
Their faces beseeching,
Asking for something to eat.

Your choice of course. You paint a wonderful, (actually horrible in this case), picture with your poetic words. Fantastic job.

[Allan Eddings]

There is in my country 105,000 homeless people, of that 21% are between the ages of 12-18 and a further 12% are younger than 12. That I can recall these statistics is seen as something strange to my friends and acquaintances. That is a fact that I consider particularly depressing, that my knowledge of the poverty of our society is somehow exceptional?! What manner of men are we??

My feelings aside, this piece was wonderfully written, it has a lovely cadence and rhythm; that like the beggar marches the reader forward unwillingly, our eyes do not wish to read on, but like the beggar's bloody and "protesting" feet we read on. So bravo!

As to the second last stanza I could not see or think of any corrections I am sorry.

Once again thank you,
A.E.

[EmoVampyrePoet]

Actually, it doesn't need to be revised. It's very good! You're talented! Don't ever doubt your work! I don't!!

[Shy Girl]

Oh my...sounds and feels like you can hear the beggers thoughts and gage the feelings of sorrow and helplessness...really moving and gets you to see things from a different side...his side of the car window... :)

[Veritatis Cupitor]

enjoyed the picture your've painted here in words.
great flow and diction.

and to me, the second to last stanza is fine, it's the 3rd to last stanza that may be a little too wordy tho. a revise to that instead ?

[donny ingraham]

This really touches on the homeless problem. It's very deep and moving