Night

Just came out of nowhere.

The hawk spreads its wings

And soars into the sky

In the throat of the lark

The gentle note dies

 

Flitting through the trees

A deadly game of tag

Their shadoes follow

With a slight, unpleasant lag

 

Time stands still

A deathly trance

Nature watches transfixed

Their mortal dance

 

A scream pierces the air, and the heavens weep

The devil laughs loud and long.

The winds howl, the oceans roar.

An eerie swan song.

 

The spirit moves on

Its work is done.

Light is past

And darkness begun.

SOUL LESS

Author's Note

Suggest a better title...and some constructive criticism. Enjoy!

Reviews

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Mayhaps the game of death? I don't know, but this is amazing!!!!!!! I love your choice of words, how elegant they sound. And I love the way you showed the larks death like a loss of innocence, "...the heavens weep/ the devils laugh, loud and long" I have to admit, this is one of the best random pieces I can recall reading:) Great Work!!!:)

[Katharine Eilene]

Lovely.
Please keep the title. It's very simple for something I believe to be so eloquent.

[Daydreamer54]

I like the mood you created with this and the imagery is good to, very poetic! great write!

[misha]

In the throat of the lark

The gentle note dies

I really liked this piece, it was very vivid. Great job.

[Cassiopia Summers]

This is quite entriguing. I enjoyed this piece alot, and I suggest maybe Darkness as the title. I loved this piece, and it is indeed difficult to criticize something I enjoyed this much. Great writing.

[Briana Collins]

This is amazing.I love it.Your an amazing poet.

[Sarusai Hiryu]

"A slight, unpleasant lag' feels just a little out of sync to me. The image is, in itself, singularly appropriate here; but something is lacking.
On the whole .. great job

[.]

. i forgot to mention ... i liked the title ...

[.]

. brutally beautiful and absolutely exquisite ... captivating and haunting poetry ... the narrative is amazing ... in the first stanza ... these lines set the tone perfectly ...

In the throat of the lark
The gentle note dies

. and what amazingly poignant lines they are ... and so precise in the context of the rest of the poem ... and then all the lines are beautiful but this stanza really and truly stands out ...

A scream pierces the air, and the heavens weep
The devil laughs loud and long.
The winds howl, the oceans roar.
An eerie swan song.

. the alliteration in "swan song" is exquisite ... in fact ... i don't know much about meter ... but it seems to me that this might be iambic ... i recited this poem aloud and the sounds of words are so perfect ... incredible flow ...

. and of course, then the last stanza and the last two lines ... pierce the soul ... for different readers, this darkness could be anything ... for me, it is the darkness of ignorance and oppression ... it almost drove me to a psychiatric ward for the rest of my life ... i was within inches of turning into a sensitive vegetable in a mental health facility ...

. indeed, light has to fight ... darkness is overpowering ... and one reason why it's important to not be in denial of darkness ... is because if we deny it ... then how will we know the humongous effort needed to make it recede ...

when darkness has so much power
that it towers and towers and towers
light has to fight with all its might
to resurrect and fight its own plight