Broken...

Broken...

A Poem by SOUL LESS

I hang upon a tree

A veiled cocoon

Dreaming my dreams

Scared by my nightmares

I try to speak, and the world stifles me

I try to breath and the world suffocates me

I try to protest and the world breaks me

And I lie upon the ground

A shattered chrysalis


SOUL LESS.

© 2011 SOUL LESS


Author's Note

SOUL LESS
I am not usually this morbid a poet,but I had a fever for two days and thus this poem:P Suggest a better title than broken.

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Reviews

This is an absolute gem!!! Beautiful heart-breaking metaphor.....love it!

Posted 13 Years Ago


Beautiful, lovely imagery, and it all flows so nicely.

I'm sure you have a soul, though you openly deny so. ;)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

for the lines
"I try to speak, and the world stifles me

I try to breath and the world suffocates me

I try to protest and the world breaks me"

maybe you could add one or two lines under each to describe your thoughts more.



Posted 13 Years Ago


I like this.It's extremely good. :D

Posted 13 Years Ago


Kind of sucks that the chrysalis gets shattered, instead of holding on and then breaking free from it's cocoon. But I get the point. Maybe "Shattered" as the title.

Posted 13 Years Ago


Wow, okay... this was a great piece, but at the same time, a weird one. You portray yourself as a creature inside a cocoon, and the world being it's hateful-a*s-self, knocks you off, and you shatter... okay... I don't know why, but I'm still going to give you a 100/100.

Posted 13 Years Ago


Why do you ask for revisions and suggestions?
I personally don't like to take specific ideas from people, I feel like it makes my poem our poem...

anyway, title ideas?
Cracked
defeated
stifled
etc

I like the morbid tone of this poem, it's done in a tasteful way and doesn't just say "my life sucks" but it's more like "society's a b***h and broke me"
:/

Posted 13 Years Ago


Simplicity itself. Ant yet immensely powerful

Posted 13 Years Ago


This is so depressing, but I loved it, it was wonderful! Everything was expressed so well!

Posted 13 Years Ago


this is amazing, I've got goosebumps
:)

Posted 13 Years Ago



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1639 Views
50 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on January 4, 2011
Last Updated on January 7, 2011

Author

SOUL LESS
SOUL LESS

Nakushita, Kansuki



About
I am a boy. I love English Literature. I love to write. Some people hate me for it, but for me writing is like an escape from the real world. Its like reading a book except that I control what happens.. more..

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