Kind of sucks that the chrysalis gets shattered, instead of holding on and then breaking free from it's cocoon. But I get the point. Maybe "Shattered" as the title.
Wow, okay... this was a great piece, but at the same time, a weird one. You portray yourself as a creature inside a cocoon, and the world being it's hateful-a*s-self, knocks you off, and you shatter... okay... I don't know why, but I'm still going to give you a 100/100.
Why do you ask for revisions and suggestions?
I personally don't like to take specific ideas from people, I feel like it makes my poem our poem...
anyway, title ideas?
Cracked
defeated
stifled
etc
I like the morbid tone of this poem, it's done in a tasteful way and doesn't just say "my life sucks" but it's more like "society's a b***h and broke me"
:/
I am a boy. I love English Literature. I love to write. Some people hate me for it, but for me writing is like an escape from the real world. Its like reading a book except that I control what happens.. more..