Wednesday Reflection; A Reflection Of My Life

I reflect what I feel on Wednesday.

Today I don't know what it is, but I reflect upon what has been of me for the past couple of years. How I've evolved my maturity, my teenage-hood. I smirk as I think of all the times people thought I was a joke, and that I couldn't achieve anything I dreamed of. Then I smiled, as I thought of all the people that actually believed in me. Of course I cried, I cried of both sadness and happiness. From the people that have died, from the people that have given their all to me, to the people that changed and destroyed everything. It's that today I wish I hadn't matured. The honest truth is that it hurts so much. There are two types of people in one; there's the child, and the adult. 
I found myself trapped in the adult, without the adrenaline rushing through my body when a new TV show episode came on, or that animated feeling whenever I heard someone bought chocolate for me. I lost that feeling over the years, trying to be perfect in school, trying to be perfect for my family, trying to be someone kind and caring to others. I want my childhood back, I want this pain to go away and return my brightest dreams. 
All of the risks I've taken, to come this far into life and succeed. I'm tired of not knowing what will be of me or why I'm not feeling okay with myself. 
I want to yell, scream, cry, and divulge all of my secrets and depths of my teenage-hood. If I could tell all the kids in elementary and middle, that being a teenager, isn't an easy thing. It's not, simply because we change. We mature, and grow. This process is hard, and painful. That boat you find yourself into, where you don't know who you are, why you are living, and what the things and people around you are there for. It's a hard concept, really. I still haven't been able to grasp it. I just know that at the very end of this dark tunnel there is hope, there is something to live for. 
I just want to take it one step at a time......one step at a time.