Stop.

Haven't posted in a longggggg time. I don't really know what this is. It's terribly long sorry about that, struggled to find away to end it so lost it a lot towards the end. But, yeh, I don't know.

Under that tree, in the pouring rain, heart racing, hands shaking, skin touching, relief. You jumble you words, I jump, now or never. Lips, soft, heart really racing now, hands on your waist wondering if they're well placed. Forget everything, it's me and you, no tree, no rain, stop. Stop. Look at you. Stop. Stop this. Your eyes. Stop. Don't give me that look. Stop. Heart sinks, sudden realisation. Stop. Please. Just another kiss for you. Friends. F**k it. Never gonna get another opportunity. Again, kiss, lips still soft, but different. Hands not shaking, heart not racing. It's just for the sake of it now, pointless. My giddiness gone. You cast your spell, I break free. Walk home. Stop. Don't kiss her again. Stop. Why are you doing this! Stop. Again. Stop. Again. STOP. SHE DOESNT LOVE YOU. Walk her home, kiss goodbye. Why??? Home. Confused. Happy? Stop. Don't get ahead of yourself. Friends, remember? Text came, I knewi t would. Still hurt. Not the relationship type, still friends yeh? Stop. Just a girl, stop. She's just a girl. stop. She's just a girl! Up all night, thinking, you. F**k. Miss you, really want to kiss you, again. Stop. Won't happen again. But it will, here we go again. Dancing. I'm drunk. You're drunk. You ask about a kiss, I say yes. Stop. Why would you say yes? Stop. Dance floor, music loud, sweat dripping, eyes meet. Kiss. Stop. Too hot, outside, give you my jacket, kiss. Stop. Go home. You're in my bed. Stop. Kiss. Stop! Still in my bed, why are you in my bed. Don't do this to me stop. Hands search, grip, pull you closer, what am I doing. Stop. Clothes start to come off, "stop" she says, thank god. Saved. "Your mams home I can't, not now". Stopped, relief, she leaves, I ponder. The f**k just happened. Friends. Friends. Best friends, just friends, SHE DOESNT LOVE YOU. Stop. But I love her. Stop, no you don't. Stop. Can't lose her, need her. Love her. Stop! She DOESNT love you. Stop! I know. She doesn't love me. But I'm enthralled. Enamoured. Stuck. Can't get out, have to get out of her clutches. She doesn't love me, why would she love me. Nobody loves me. Stop. Can't do this again, can't think like that. Stop. Confused. Do I love her? Confused. Does she love me? Stop. Stop. Stop! She doesn't love you. She'll never love you. How could she love you. STOP!