I Feel Fine

New style

Abnormality

My reality

Death is what I want

I am empty

Even though I have everything

Why do I feel like this

This is not a new feeling

This is just the first time

That I dare question it

I am getting up no matter what.

F**k how I hate this

I will fight it

No matter what.

I won’t whine anymore

I’ll prove to those f**s

That they were wrong.

And that they still are

I hate there marionette ways

Like they are controlled by me

Forces driven by a sixteen year old lunatic

Hatred bashes through in my songs

This may be the last thing I write.

Now goodbye

A Fallen Hero - I Feel Fine

Written : 09/01/2011

Dedication : The Voices and The People I Hate

Author's Note

New style try out...

Honest Opinion

Reviews

[Drako]

i was rather hoping the message this time would be a little happier. but the anger is still there. but at least you can feel, and haven't gone number. for a minute there it sounded like you were fighting back to bring yourself happiness. that's what i want to see. fight to see yourself happy again, whether it be alone or with someone.

[robyn.alexandra]

I like the flow, I like the style, that's all good. I don't like the message, it's too angsty without power. There is nothing I hate more, than a fellow teen or myself writing something. The first 4 lines send out a message you don't want to send out, it's hard enough to be taken seriously on here when your age is clear, but to fulfil the stereotype of the angst ridden emo kids who often frequent these site is possibly a bad move. Of course this is my humble opinion, the rest is great! The raw emotion is there and the technical aspects I like! So well done, just think twice if you want to fuel the already prejudiced opinions of older writers.

[arlery]

I like it. Sometimes trying something new can really work out, This is one of those times.

[Coyote Poetry]

Always other things to write about. Pain is one of many emotions we will feel. If I lived in Europe. I would find new places and new faces. Everyone loved a writer. Dreams will fade away. A writer will always find a common bond with other writers and artist. Being crazy is alright. I could tell you stories that I don't want to remember. We need writers like you. Filled with life and passion. A very good poem.
Coyote

[E.H. Monroe]

Abnormality
My reality
Death is what I want
I am empty

Your strength with assonance is clearest here.
Watch the regression back into the typical angsty teen complaining about the wrongs of life.
Not everyting sucks, and believe me it only loosens up as you get older.
The problems get bigger and you realize the chit that you considered important doesnt even hit the radar.
Look back at the first 4 lines and where the thing dips after.

Notice the difference and stop holding our hands through the piece. Give us the chance to get into the b*****d ourselevs.

Good start

[Red Brick Keshner]

It has a different rhythmic flow. Like the cadence of a chant and even a song. I suspect this will prove excellent to read out loud and perform, even to a background beat.