Undermind

There's a place you can't find,
It's under my mind.
It can be wonderful, celestial,
But the dark prevails and it becomes bestial.

All you can hear are screams,
Agony set up the new regimes.
Distress comes in so many ways,
As the clouds die in flames.

You can see a rope.
And it's harder to cope
When you have to cross,
Fear has its own way to emboss.

I had nothing to tell,
I made a step but I fell.
On a grey, reticent rocks,
On a rocks covered with blood.
It was the mark of some grief,
Grief that began before the ancient flood.

Angel can't you see?
Agony is making a new decree,
A faceless enemy.
Will you save me?
Won't you set me free?

Where are you, the killer of grief?
Where are you, the late falling leaf?
Where are you, the fear graver?
Where are you, my saviour?

Author's Note

Yep, feelings on the paper. It wasn't hard. Tell me if there's any grammar mistakes or something!

Reviews

[PaperLife]

Beautiful. Dark. Captivating. Your words are an ocean to build and the age old build of hope. But lost hope. Where everything collides and at the last moments ends. With the silence. The anger. The hopelessness stored in over ridden circles of confusion. Your words ache in a way that's hard to explore. And yet, I can understand by feeling. They're deep, passionate. Almost evil in a way as it portrays the evil based on life itself. Your words scream power where it was lost. Hardness. Pain. Lifeless reasons forced into the crazed moments where you're last breath is your first. The last sentence reaches out though and forces in the point where it's all alone. Where there's no coming back, but falling into it again. I can't help feeling everything and then having it play back in my mind. The way you feel it and the way I've felt it. Beautiful. It's crazed and bloodied. Powered and horror filled. Amazing. Your words exposed. And died. In an array of pastel grays and blacks and blues. And faded into the uttered words of the intellectual parts of your heart. Well done.

[R.A. Youngblood]

Thank you so much! I'm glad that you like it. You described it very artistic, and behind your every word the truth is hiding, you understand me, my feelings. Verse lenght is bad, I noticed. Thanks again my fellow! :D

[Mr.Cardigan]

i love the darkness of this i guess i just like dark things. good read thumbs up :)

[R.A. Youngblood]

Thanks! :D

[realmwriter]

I didn't notice anything like grammar mistakes or any mistakes actually. It is a very well penned piece...! I know pain, I know sorrow. I know the relief of tomorrow. I know joy, I know happiness. I know the pain of restlessness. Worrying over then, as one worries over today is the same as giving up. Never give in, never give up, this is the beginning of healing from hurt and turning agony into love...! Great write R. A.

[R.A. Youngblood]

Thank you very much, my friend. I'm glad that you understand the pain, agony. I'll never give up, I'm a fighter. Thanks again!

[realmwriter]

You are most welcome...!

[Sunset Girl]

Deep piece, yet so honest. We all have that place within us that's under what most people ever see, know and understand. Great piece, thank you.

[R.A. Youngblood]

Thanks and you're welcome! :D

[Leigh]

You have really let your feelings out including the darker side of your emotions and that's what makes this quite real.

[R.A. Youngblood]

Yeah, it is so. Thanks :D

[Nick.B]

Interesting poem you managed to write here, very dark and raw reveling your feelings towards to death, agony, and what is left beyond the grave (if there's something)...great job love it

[R.A. Youngblood]

Thank you very much! Glad you like it :D

[G!o]

When i read the first stanza i thought about how i've been trying to explain to people how my mind and you've captured the picture perfectly. This is creative and original. I enjoyed reading it.

[R.A. Youngblood]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks!

[Reeti]

It's an extraordinary write-up. The formidability of the dark pervading in the subconsciousness of the mind has been portrayed very deeply. The narrator wants to be put out of his/her misery, but the abominable, ominous fears and woes threaten to debilitate him/her. It depicts a permanence of the dolor which refuses to leave the weak minded. I love how you have referred to agony as a 'faceless enemy'. It is an utmost truth.
The last stanza is also provocative and mesmerizing. The narrator yearns for relief whose words reflects hope of finding 'the killer of grief' or 'the fear graver'.

[R.A. Youngblood]

Thank you very much! :D

[Morrigan Nicole]

Beautifully horrible.... if you understand

[R.A. Youngblood]

Yeah, thanks!

[patricia]

I like the different stance taken here, a kind of uncensored cry for help.The line ..Grief that began before the ancient flood.. was a bit special. I like the balance of light and dark in this poem. Enjoyed.

[R.A. Youngblood]

Yeah, I'm glad you like it! Thanks :D