Devastating world

I went out for a walk,

This is the world we invaded.

Heard an old man talk:

"Is this the world we created?"

People colliding,

Searching for what they need.

Their mind is guiding,

At the corner child's smoking weed.

We can't let go of this world we've started,

The helpless African child is born.

Girl on the bench broken-hearted,

A rich man sitting on his throne.

Good people not reinvigorated,

They're just too frustrated.

Everything is so complicated,

Government for money infatuated.

The bee's flying but the flower isn't pollinated,

Is this the world we created?

Yeah, this is the world we devastated!

Author's Note

Where is that damned hope in this devastating world?

Reviews

[patricia]

I feel i should respond to this poem with an effort at being positive and inspiring hope, but sometimes all i can say is...yeah i know what you mean. Especially about the caretakers being too careworn. Still i did like the realism of it all, the way it took my mind to different scenes, different places and walks of life. Puts my own troubles into perspective thats for sure. Nice write. Thanks.

[R.A. Youngblood]

Yeah, we should take a look at the real world today. Thank you very much! :D

[Lena Rossmore]

This is a tragic poem because it's so true and pertains to everyday life. Amazing imagery and word choice!

[R.A. Youngblood]

Thank you very much! :D

[Aehr]

i think like you sometimes. Seriously, it's mostly frustrating... i like the description and the rhyming

[R.A. Youngblood]

Yeah, it really is. Thanks :D

[Reeti]

The black side of life is something we choose to ignore, though the narrator reflects on it. We can't bridle the misery, yet, with our bold conscience, we muse over it at times. The subject has always been very intriguing to me. The first stanza is really stunning. The words are powerful. It makes the readers rake through the causes of the world's misery, but finds that mankind itself is reprehensible for it. It's a very dark poem, since 'appreciation' for something one has received or the presence of 'love' to sustain life is not inclusive in it. Despite that, you have depicted reality anyway. The rhyming scheme is also impressive.

[R.A. Youngblood]

Thank you very much! Well, it can't be more positive, this is the world today. Yeah, a powerful review for a powerful poem! I'm glad you like it :D

[Reeti]

you're welcome very much. I'm glad my long and large review did not daunt you. Bask in your glory of being a writer. =)

[R.A. Youngblood]

:D

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Oh wow, this is such an amazing piece that shines a true, crystal, clear message for everyone to understand and enjoy along with yourself. Indeed, we live in such a sick, sick world and at times we feel powerless to make a change or a huge difference. As humans, we've brought all of this into our own hands as we destroy and ruin Earth more and more every single ticking day that passes by. I do like the different scenes and scenarios that you placed for us to relate to and nod our heads to. I do applaud you for presenting a poem that I've been dying to write about but can't seem to find the right words to do so. You done a perfect job and a better attempt than anyone could have, I must say! Again, we do live in a devastating world and it isn't getting any better. People fear the end of the world, but why? We live in a cruel place and they complain. But then again, they don't want it to end? Hmm, silly! Awesome job! :)

"Is this the world we created?
Yeah, this is the world we devastated?"-- I really like those lines! The rhyming goes perfectly well together like a puzzle. :)

I did notice some mistakes that I didn't quite understand clearly though. If I may point then out?

In the second stanza, last line--"At the corner child's smoking weed" Well, first off did you intend for there to be more than one kid smoking the weed? If so, it should be edited to children. If not, it could be *At the corner the child's smoking weed*

Last stanza, fifth line-"The bee's flying but the flower isn't pollinated,"
Well, with a contraction it can either mean two things. 1) Possesion. 2) understood "is". I don't know what you were trying to use the contraction for in this line.

Ashley Rivers--Dream BIG and you'll win BIG ;)

[R.A. Youngblood]

Thank you very much! I meant that one child is smoking weed. :P Yeah, that's so silly, some people want to die, but at the other side they don't, they're all confused. Thanks again! :D

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Haha you're very welcome. Yeah I know what you mean. :)

[R.A. Youngblood]

xD

[G!o]

This is a great and an amazing writing. A world once so innocent we've created it into a decaying world. Profound points here. I love it.

[R.A. Youngblood]

Thank you very much! :D

[Destinyxi]

Great poem, a few stereotypes but it fits the poem :)

[R.A. Youngblood]

Thanks!

[Raven Starhawk]

"Government for money infatuated." That line ALONE makes me rise up from my chair and go THAT'S DAMN STRAIGHT! I have to say that line is my favorite, but I shall not go into further detail since doing so would turn into a political rant and...(shifty eyes)... Anyway the poem as a whole is really...like a brisk wind. It wakes me up and gets me to thinking many things.

[R.A. Youngblood]

Yeah, damned truth! Thank you very much! :D

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

absolutely and sometimes it is so hard to find hope. Close your eyes and become that flower that bursts through the cement , that flower that has hope and perserveres. One can not change everything but one can certainly make changes that will flow into others and make them change........Wonderful poem.

[R.A. Youngblood]

I need to be one of those people who are trying to help! Yeah, hope is hard to find..Thank you very much! :D

[Coyote Poetry]

A lot of good people are trying to help. Suffering is everywhere now. We must stay positive and do what we can. Need more kindness and love. Food and water should be the gift to poor nations. Not weapons. I understand the poem. It is a scary world for many. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[R.A. Youngblood]

Yeah, hope somrthing will get better, thank you very much! :D

[Aly Jones]

Really moving piece. I love reading stuff like this, stuff that centers around how the world is today. I always hope that these things will reach the ears of the corrupt and this piece is something I will definitely be bookmarking just for reference.

Great job. :)

[R.A. Youngblood]

Yeah, I would really like that! Thank you very much! :D

[Aly Jones]

You're welcome. :)