forever yours

You say you love me,

But is it a lie?

Do you want my heart?

Or want me to die?

Make up your mind,

Let go of my heart,

Stab it 'till your energy,

Gives up the part,

Leave me to bleed,

It's all I deserve,

Your words are like steps,

Sometimes not heard,

The less I hear, the more I fall,

into the black hole of despair,

I wait and crawl.

 

What you know to well,

Is I am your puppet,

My viens are your strings,

No choice but to do what you say,

You say 'Jump'

I say 'How high?'

You say 'Go to a cliff.

Jump and die'.

Reviews

[Ben Taylor]

"Stab it 'till your energy,
Gives up the part,"
Those lines seemed a bit obscure and not as clear as the rest of the poem.
Aside from that, you did have some interesting parts, especially the lines that equated words to footfalls.
Also, in one part you use the wrong "too", which always bothers me lol.
Aside from the lines I mentioned, the rhyming is very unobtrusive and fits well in the poem.
Overall it was pretty good :) Nice work.

[Katub]

Good rhyming!! xx

[Also known as Clare.]

I love this so much c:

[Linear]

Cruel ending to a sad love poem, well written and loved your iliteration :O)

[LoopyLoo]

Ha. The end of this is cool. :-) Go to a cluff Jump and Die. :-)

[Sophie Titch]

love the end of this poem,

'go to a cliff.
jump and die.'

and i like how your poems actually ryhme!! :)