A world hard not to sin

A pure white snowflake falls 

Pretty, from heaven, has no flaws,

loses its path in a devilish breeze

Now covered in muck, it has lost all purity

Reviews

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

This is great. I think it is my favorite of yours yet!! It is so easy to understand and yet has deep meaning to everyone who could read it. I always insist on coming up with something that could be a possibility for improvement. If I changed anything it would be only the last line. It is perfect up until there. You don't really need to say it is destroyed. We already have anticipated something bad has happened from the adumbration of the "devilishness of the breeze" in the third line. I would try to say something that take the premise of destruction a bit further...Something like, "And melts into brown muck on a beggar's sleeve." Show, not tell a bit more. Expect the audience to work more and they will...and oddly enough they will be grateful they did!! This is my favorite yet...more so that even the LAST one I said that about!!

[Faithfuldream]

Thank you. I am trying to improve. Trying. Success will come with my patience and diligence.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

You are doing well!

[Shaquana Adams]

I like this. If anything, I would think it hasn't lost all purity, but it definitely isn't pristine anymore. Nice work :)

[Bri]

So true in the world today. Beautifully written and its message is just amazing. I loved it, I got shivers lol.
Well done, friend.

[Faithfuldream]

Im happy i can cause such a reaction. A poets dream....

[Bri]

I know the feeling, I'm new too.

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing use of words. You create vision and thoughts in so few words. This is hard to do. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Lily Mae]

As I read it I felt the mud...but deep down inside this weird message said "but it washes off...washes away".. We all make mistakes..we all pay the price. But it doesn't make us muddy forever unless we let it be that way.. Sorry lol.. You just made me think.

[Faithfuldream]

Thank you for the feedback Lily. I love your optimism. I was trying to express an emotion. However, what you said is the way a person should go about their life.

[Lily Mae]

Thank you...for being nice. I sometimes ramble.. :)

[Faithfuldream]

I enjoy ramblers. As long as they have a good message. So thank you.

[Maddy]

Strong concept behind this. A message I get from this is that purity is perfection.

[Faithfuldream]

Thank you. This world is impossible to keep pure. Like i said i'm just trying. Hopefully i will get better with time...