Dreaming Before Sleep

Uneasy man comforted by one girls phone call.

I lie awake at night in my bed. It's at night when all my worries hit me. All the things that i can accomplish. All my failures which i have not. Even things beyond me, At night seem like failures. I roll over hoping that my right side will be more tired then my left. i close my eyes. Moments later my eyes open, not sure if i dozed. My mind still troubled. I just want to sleep. I have work early, and i need my rest. i try one last time. I shut my eyes and even say i prayer. Successful, I find slumber.

I awake in the morning with tired eyes. Only 4 hours of sleep. I sit up straight and put my feet on the floor. Getting up, I brush my teeth and dress. Check my buttons twice, for fear of missing some in my tiredness. I drive to work. The day goes by slow. I feel irritated by the slightest wrong gesture of man. Thats just how i get when I'm tired. Food not even on my mind, I just want to get home and sleep. Finally the day ends.

I get home to a lonely house. No smells of dinner. No children making noise. Just my worry filled mind and i. I wish i had friends of some sort at least, That could give me a break. The silence really hurts. I finally feel hunger, I'm happy that i can still feel. I wonder when even that will be taken from me. I sit down to eat some of the food that i made. The taste is good. I eat more. Finishing up now, i throw away my plate. Tired, i want an early night and i head towards my room.

I undress, put on a t shirt, and sit on my bed. I try not to think in the dark room, for thinking makes me sad. As i lie down, unsuccessful, my thoughts stir. I can't sleep once again. My head hurts. I cry. Bitter tears stream down my face. Why do i feel this way? What is it that troubles me? Why can't i sleep? unsettled i am, once again i twist and turn. My phone rings. Just wanting sleep, i let it ring. Once, Twice, three times. It rings once more and something inside me pushes me to answer. "Hello" i say barely getting out the word. "Hi" i can hear a woman's voice "Is this Michael?". "Yes" i answer the unfamiliar voice. "This is Amy" I recognize her pretty voice now "We met last week". "Oh yes, I remember you" I answer with a chuckle "How are you?". "Good!" She almost screams, with enthusiasm i was not expecting. "I wanted to get coffee with you sometime, If thats ok?" I remember the pretty girl clearly now and how i liked her. My spirits lift. I respond of course with a yes and hang up the phone. Somehow my mind is clear. Somehow sleep comes easy. My eyes close. All because of a pretty girl.

  

Reviews

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I have felt this way, for sure. Are you in your twenties? I swear this got better by my thirties...In any event, having ambitions and a determination for success is a hard thing to be born with. Be glad you weren't born without it though! I like the part about wishing your right side will be more tired that your left. That is very original. I have not heard that before! I haven't tried prayer...Maybe that is a good idea! It is certainly anxiety you are experiencing. I like how you have broken up the paragraphs here. What do you mean by the slightest wrong gesture? I mean, irritability I understand, but I am not sure what that one line is talking about in precise terms. Thats should be that's, says the English tutor in me. You sound a lot like me here. I used to get SO little sleep as a railroader...The normal amount I got every day was 4 hours and that lasted for years. It was actually the national average, until Federal laws changed and allowed us to get ten hours undisturbed rest. Did you throw away a paper plate or an actual porcelain or plastic one? It seems relevant somehow. This progresses much like the song "Thank You" by Dido...now stay with me, I have a point! That song has a basic AB structure. It moves from the first and second verse which are in A-A structure (the same music behind and the same verse structure) and then it goes to B with an outro that is still the same music. A-A-B-B. This writing of yours is A-A-B roughly. No outro. It is good, carefully explained. You give us great detail, but as I have said in other reviews, I feel again like there is no frame. Think Einstein here: Without frames of reference we cannot possibly see what space we are moving through. We cannot judge speed or distance or magnitude. For people to really appreciate this work you have to give some kind of context to it...A context means, by necessity, something to connect it to the outside world. When you hang a painting you are not just using it as a decoration; You are using it as a part of a space. You are allowing the room to be part of the painting and the painting to be part of the room. This added meaning is important. Here I feel there should be more connection to this story than there is. We feel the same, you and I, and I have experienced all these emotions, but there isn't enough higher level stuff to give it unique characteristics that put it in context. Some context can cut the reader out and make them feel it is some kind of personal thing they can't take part in...You certainly have not done that, but what you have done is almost the opposite, which is to make the reader feel they understand your every word, but don't see the meaning as deeply as they should. Here is what the Dido song does that this does not: Dido gives very personal details. She talks about being late to work and not paying her bills and worrying she will lose her job. Not everyone feels that way, but she makes it personal and at the same time relate-able. She is working with less words than you are, but she still manages to say a bit more because in her song she says, "I want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life." You say that now you can sleep because of a pretty girl's call. It is not a far way off, but saying, "Your phone call saved my life," might sound overly dramatic, but it takes the premise just that much further into the realm of being really meaningful and concluding with a framework everyone can understand as a natural stopping place. What I am trying to describe is a subtle thing, but I really think it would help your writing to focus on it. I think just a little more contextualizing will make the audience love it as opposed to just thinking it sounds nice. I think this is my favorite of yours so far though...

[Faithfuldream]

Very helpful review. It was a fault on me not to look it over. I got impatient, and just posted it without editing. i will try to put more of a frame on my new writings.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I can tell you are beginning to frame your writing more, and there is really nothing terribly wrong here, other than it not feeling really like it has a clear way for the reader to "enter" the scene.

[B.J]

I am glad you got the call, rest easy

[Faithfuldream]

Thank you Barb. This was not a true story. I appreciate the review!

[B.J]

It could've been but great thoughts anyway