Something

The loneliness,

it's not something I enjoy,

yet it's something that has been placed upon my shoulders,

a burden against my will,

it's a constant,

a state of being,

overshadowed by the wish that the,

temporary salvation of having company,

isn't the variable,

but replaced as the constant,

day after day,

my compassion withers,

my patience runs drier,

my bitterness,

and anger grow exponentially,

negative thoughts cloud my mind,

building up slowly,

like clouds that never go away,

they just stay,

but they don't all come at once,

there's one,

maybe two at a time,

they take their positions,

dig in,

and wait.

My eyes are too busy dealing with the hustle and bustle,

of everyday life to notice them at first,

only when they decide to prompt their attack,

do I realize their presence,

I muster a hasty defense,

yet time after time,

after time after time,

my position is over ran by the all ensuing flood of hate,

and despair.

I guess the only thing that has kept me sane all these years,

is the revitalizing elixir of hope,

and the burning smoky mist of calmness.

But as I noticed over the days,

weeks,

months,

and years,

what used to be cure for before,

isn't enough for the problems of now,

I need more,

because the problems get worse,

they never grow quieter,

they just build up their trumpets of fury,

and strengthen their muscles which bring down a hail of more fire and destruction upon my consciousness.

People need a crutch,

most resort to religion,

where in all their chaos and insanity,

as long as they keep believing,

steady their faith,

it will all work out in the end,

due to divine intervention,

I don't have that crutch,

I used to,

but long ago I abandoned it,

rather to walk or,

limp on my two legs,

crawl via my own two arms,

or wiggle my body on wards to something,

what that something is I have yet to determine,

all I can really conclude is that my body is moving forward against my will.

Each time I fall down,

I despair more,

each time I feel my joints ache in pain with each step,

I become more bitter,

each time I cry with no shoulder to lean on,

I become more numb,

as the light of my own soul dims,

the path before me darkens,

it's only a matter of time before my own breadth runs out,

yet by that moment in time,

I doubt I will understand why I keep pushing forward.