Penitent

Thank you Richard for your support and suggestions on my sonnets ... :)

P E N I T E N T

The chains, long forged, from dark, persistent paths

of blackened rock that smothers golden fields …

Akin to dragon's caldron swirling wraths

red scallion plates so thickly plied to shield.

Youth's steady stream of brazen, hot desires

as sunset looms on spent horizon's line

to steady reins of stallion's pulsing fires;

thus, rising bright, a new celestial sign …

Releasing now, imprisoned for so long,

the true and lasting Heaven's ringing call

in ageless joy of spirits sung in Psalms …

if one but trusts the Star of David's laud.

A rose forgiven each it's hoary thorns;

and thus made perfect, halos now adorn.

Author's Note

Reviews

[red93]

Fabulous Work EN - complex and resonant. Really Excellent ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you red! thank you for your encouraging review .. very happy you enjoyed :)
E.

[Trace]

Wow, this is really good.

Enjoyed the read.

Trace

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you Trace! very fine to meet you. i will check out your streets presently ... how odd my new friend ... i just now finished up and posted a new poem called Trace Evidence :)))))))))) joy and sunshine Trace!
E.

[Camasee (Cam)]

Thanks E!!! I've been searching for something tasty to read!

[Camasee (Cam)]

Hi! I went straight to "subscribe" because I like your channel!
I feel the chains, dear poet, and they are excruciating!
The smoke and steam off the black rocks stink with the decay of corpses..
I have felt those hot desires, felt the tightening reins of stallions' pulsing fires..
We trust Christ's promise to forgive us as we forgive all others of their sins...
Because who are the ones truly sinning? We don't even know anymore! We just pray and trust it's not US!

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you Betta! you heard me loud and clear in this one ;) yes! Jesus Christ is faithful and just to forgive ... sometimes not so easy to forgive others and even more ... to forgive ourselves .. St. Paul wrote in several different letters he is credited with .. that he can't even judge himself .. the judgement seat belong only to God ;) thank you again for reviewing ... love and peace
E.

[Camasee (Cam)]

Didn't Paul say, "I WANT to do Christ's will but I sin again and again!" Thank you so much for posting.

[Camasee (Cam)]

@Einstein Noodle Your verses are like lazers burning the meanings into the brain. Excellent Poet!

[Einstein Noodle]

yes Paul did say that as well ... there is grace in the struggle tho eh!? when we give up and give in there is forgiveness if we are honest and repentant .. from what i have read Paul's "thorn in the flesh" ... he prayed the Lord to remove it .. but He didn't ... speculation is that it kept Paul humble and engaged in our common struggle to keep on truckin' :))))))))))))) what a fine converstation Betta .... may i call you Ms. B from now on? ;)

[Camasee (Cam)]

B will be fine, E. ...Was it ever known what Paul's thorn in the flesh was?

[Einstein Noodle]

not to my knowledge :)

[Camasee (Cam)]

I heard it might've been his MIL

[Einstein Noodle]

i am a bit illiterate .... what is MIL? is it mother in law? :)))))))))))

[Camasee (Cam)]

;-) -- I knew you'd get it, E!

[Dave W.]

I really liked this; you have talent for sure. The imagery was vivid, written experience pure.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for your time taken to read and review .. it's always helpful to have input from those who visit .. peace, love and joy!
E.

[Poetic Beauty]

Breaking the chains of past sins that have long since transpired and learning to forgive ourselves as God has forgiven us is not an easy task.

I love the images used in this poem to get the idea across

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for taking time and i feel grateful for your encouraging review ... yes! we have such a struggle to forgive ourselelves at times .. it is almost sinful as it disregards the immense love of our Creator .. who truly loves and forgives and wants all the best for us to be. ;)
E.

[Poetic Beauty]

Absolutely i have a hard time forgiving myself

[Einstein Noodle]

[Anita Frader]

I'm reminded a bit of Queen's " I want to break free ". At least I think that's the name of the song. :)
The desire to free one's self from burden and find redemption.

[Einstein Noodle]

what a loss ... and tragic death of Freddie ... Queen so incredible .. "breaking free" is exactly the point of repentance, forgiveness and really letting all the past go ... simply to dissipate into the ether ;) love your comment Anita ... thank you for visiting and letting me know your thoughts
E.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

'Penitent'
Einstein Noodle,
From 'chains long forged' to reference of a 'dragon's swirling cauldron' and its 'red scallion plates.' From this intro of power within the legendary timeless to a story of redemption's reality. I was inspired by this poem's feeling of concise and traditional beauty.
'stallion's pulsing fire' to 'celestial sign' connected with youth's passion. I think people understand the humanity within this piece. The ending was so fitting.
A rose forgiven each it's hoary thorns;
and thus made perfect, halos now adorn.
Blessedly beautiful!
Kathy

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my dear friend .. your comments bless me so!! as i have shared before .. sonnets are not easy for me .. they take me a long time just to get a first draft .. but once done .. so satisfying .. that the point comes through for you is more than i could ask .. blessings of joy and health
E.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Thank you very much. Keep up your honest and relatable work. I do like it so.
Blessings to you in your life experiences Mr. Einstien Noodle!

[Thomas W Case]

Brilliant work. Shakespeare would be jealous.

[Einstein Noodle]

i don't quite think so .... but thank you very much for the encouraging review .. i'm happy you enjoyed it
E.

[Richard🖌]

Gene, My Dear Friend 🌾

You are most humbly welcome for my help … I am always happy to oblige an olde bard. : )
I am ever amazed at how malleable your skills are that you can so easy shift from abstract Prose or Free Verse mode into classically structured poetry … mustless, the most challenging, deeply expressive of all classical forms, the English Sonnet.
Among the many, one aspect of your poetry I admire is the unique ability to create imagery through the use of unique metaphor and clear simplicity in spot-on iambic pentameter verbiage.
Re: the title....
Perhaps, rethink the title when applying it to your poem … Penitant is a misspelling.
Alternatives:
Pendant: remorseful, ashamed, sorry, penitent, apologetic, contrite, regretful, rueful, etc. Penitent: contrite, regretful, rueful, remorseful, apologetic, chastened, ashamed, shamefaced, guilt-ridden. ANTONYMS impenitent.
Inasmuch that I know of your penchant for perfection, here are a few issues that jumped into the teacher's eye:
Easily addressed rhyme issues in V1 L4, "shields" to fit "fields" in L2.
V3 L2, "Heaven's ringings awed" to fit L4, "Star of David's laud."
Heroic couplet L2, "and thus made perfect halo, now adorns." to fit "A rose forgiven each, it's hoary thorns;" in L1.
One thing there's no doubt about, Dear Gene; with a bit of practice, you'd give the most accomplished sonneteer a good go for the money! And another thing; I must give you resounding "KUDOS!" for how beautifully you've explained the pure essence of what true penitence/repentance means.

Love the perfect photo, music choice, and truly valuable lesson for us all.
A most stellar Sonnet effort, my very skilled, very flexible friend! ⁓ Richard🖌

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you always for in depth constructive critique Sir Richard. the title spelling is correct ;) the rest .. all reflect a laudible command of the language and form .. that's why those like me approach you my dear friend ... i revert to classic forms when inspiration fails me .. it lends gravity and firmness to my life .. the English sonnet most of all .. thank you again for your help and your additional pointers .. i will keep on trying sir .. always
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

ohhhhhhhhhhhh! i just saw that the top title is misspelled ... am changing it this next moment :)

[Richard🖌]

Well,
You're certainly welcome, Gene.
Of course, full reviews with experienced critique is meant to be utilized in correcting a poem's issues, errors, and weak points in some functional manner … elsewise, they're simply moot banter.
Yes, I know you'll always strive to do your best … you always have. This is why I persist in pitching-in when asked and invited, rather than giving-up. : )

[Patricia Wedel]

Very beautiful poetry… Gene .. there is Hope .. when Spring appears … with tearful fears…. Softly, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

Thank you Pat! ... yep, hope can spring up any ol' time.