Now

Photo by Tara Brach

Now

is harsh lamps; lit in fading black moon rain

this bed should be my place of comfort 

and rest ......... 

this room            this room ............._

                                                             _

                                                                _

                                                                  _ has

graven ash faces with long, large, ears and

old man hairs    uncut        and 

only hear whirring ............ beeping ........ clicks and pricks

that seep through the fogs

blending neural walls bland

stone tears 

past remorse now

rays iris' colors to shrouded gray  -   in stark relief.

waiting

                                      THEY

should know me better

some sleep             please           I just need

one fleeting moment           

                                    PLEASE!

please, please burn down the lights

kill the floods up front!

it's harsh            smelling of burned umber and metal filings        crisp and unclean

          charcoal crimson 

weeks and weeks of layered body oils and stink

splintering bone, like broken thorns piercing

those places ...........................................

the watching plods

in agony

in horror

in apathy

this now.

4/28/22

E.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Relic]

Yes, my father was in and out of hospitals for many years and I can relate to this. I remember that horrible light behind his bed, the constant beeping, the nurses coming in and out. I can only imagine what it must have been like for him under the haze of the drugs going through his system.

You caught the emotions in this splendidly. Excellent work.

[Einstein Noodle]

aw Relic!!! i am so humbled and gratified for your reading and sharing about your Da ... yes! one can only imagine what it is like ... when one is present ... yet unaccounted for ... love ya man ... good on you for being with your Da in that most hard time for family and friends actually eh!? peace and joy and thank you for this visit
E.

[Stella Armour]

I wasn't sure if this was a hospital setting you were describing.
Have to admit that in my old age i am happier than i have ever been, every day is to be thankful for.
The music was beautiful and very relaxing.... just my sort of chill out happiness.

[Einstein Noodle]

so perceptive Stella! actually this started as an idea about someone dying ... in a hospital room .. in a "coma" but aware .. like most of my "stuff" it started somewhere and took off on it's own .. but the elements of the first idea are in there .. thanks so much for reading and taking time to review ... and yes! the music! i am amazed such a young man is so accomplished! God bless the youth eh!? ... in us all ;) i too love my "old age" .. i am fortunate enough to be as secure as one can be riding the line of paying bills .. hard work and persistence does pay off ... i have little to do that i have to do ... lots of choices otherwise .. love and peace and joy and health to ya dear friend! right here at the Cafe'
E.

[Stella Armour]

Yes i am pretty much the same my friend; my time is my own and my hobbies keep growing, i am so blessed to be so happy and comfortable in my old age.

[Fran Marie]

Wouldn't it be nice if there were
magical remedies to be forever
young but on second thought maybe
it wouldn't be so nice after all
as we age things that once seemed
so important doesn't seem quite as
urgent when we're old..eaxh day we
live we die a little more.we feel the
changes taking place the graying
and frail feeling of health and energy
waning..nicely penned poem dear E
PS.read your polictal reply to Pat
I have to admit I hold the same views
about what is happening in today's world

[Einstein Noodle]

Conservative voices are do not usually scream and rail about different opinions and ways to accomplish things ... but in the news .. one would think that those are the only voices out there .. thank you for your thoughtful review, as always .. you hit on something that lately touches me more and more ... actually feeling things slip into frail condition ... for the longest time i have seen the 45 yr old looking back at me .. he left yesterday, Fran. ;) i still hit the gym and now yoga .. but the strength is simply not there .. i agree with you .. there is a beautiful lightness one can experience as we "let go" of things once at the top of the list ... funny eh!? what a great review .. thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this
E.

[Fran Marie]

on a political note you're right about that my friend very true ..and you're s o welcome it was a great poem on aging

[Tate Morgan]

Time it is relentless. There comes that day when we look in the mirror we don’t recognize ourselves. And we wonder where the time has gone

[Einstein Noodle]

we sure do Tate .. what a treat to have your visit and review ... hope that bike is doing you well! i had my old Ford step bed out for a test run a couple days ago and everything went well ... brakes work .. new motor mounts are secure .. on to the next step :) ... i have especially been forced to acknowledge my slipping energy .. motivations ... still see a boy looking in the mirror tho ;) .. not sure i will ever be cured of that misconception ... be in love my wonderful friend ... and love it!
E.

[Tate Morgan]

Thank you my 1990 Ford F-150 still looks new and turns heads I know it’s vanity but I enjoy it. I wish I could just give it to my son he loves to drive it and he has a new Ford but he would rather drive the old one if I could I would give it to him

[andrew mitchell]

Yes we do slow down Gene as the jobs pile up, time seems to go faster and our energy levels are at an all time low and that can't be bothered attitude knocks in with a vengeance. Oh and we seem to get more grumpy as our frustrations grow. Might have a nap I'm tired now thinking about it. Great write.;)

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahahaha ..so spot on in your review my friend .. a nappy eh!? ... does body, soul and heart a whole lot of good says i! beat on sir .. beat on!
E.

[Patricia Wedel]

Optimism is a Dream where Children play… We have no way to rebuild what has been destroyed in a Shirt span of Time. Our so-called Leaders have gone to Great Lengths to destroy what has taken blood and Tears to Build.. when will we Wake Up and see things for what they have become. Can we turn the Tide ? Dear E…

[Einstein Noodle]

i love were you went with this dear friend .. and politically i agree with you (if i take you correctly) ..America seems a big mess for sure .. lots of circumstances have made it so .. some within the control of Gov. and some not ... pity the present Administration acted with such disregard for things that were working very well .. and have made things triply worse and continue down that same black hole path .. of course, Pat .. we can vote for policy .. not the person .. not reactive to rhetoric and inflamatory sound bites .. we can talk with respect to one another and accept differences and demand from our Reps. the compromises that will benefit America first ... and .. of course it can and probably will get a whole lot worse .. in my humble opinion of course .. i remind myself this is a created world .. and the Creator of it has something in mind that goes beyond Washington DC ;)))))))))))))))
E.

[Patricia Wedel]

Dearest Gene… I was raised on the Book of Revelation.. so Interpretation by many Scolars is familiar to me. Belonging to WC is a Blessing because so many Poets are wonderful sensitive people. It gives us a Venue to be Creative which is very Healing as we encounter the World with all our Adversity. I do miss Margie and hope she is Well and Safe. Somehow deep within I feel she misses many of Us. I hope and Trust she is sharing her warmth with others She has met in her new Venue. “In G-d We Trust”. Always, Pat

[Robert Haigh]

We find more to worry (and complain) about as we get older! I now sleep wearing wax ear plugs (the foam ones are useless!), otherwise every little sound seems to disturb me. It never used to be so. We can't turn back the clock, and it is probably just as well! Some of our old skills may desert us as we age (I can no longer run, but I enjoy walking). Life is still worth living, and when one door closes it is never too late to look for another one to open! A thought-provoking poem, for sure!

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks for taking time brother .. love your pic by the way .. very suave looking hat ... i have a similar one i bought to wear at my daughters wedding ... we do get older if time matters .. we hit about 55, i have read, things don't repair the way they use to .. but like you .. if we can't run .. walk fast .. if not that .. walk .. use a cane .. a walker .. a wheel chair .. i think the stubborn of oldness helps in this regard .. one can not ever stop striving and exploring says i .. love your comment sir .. thank you so much!
E.

[Betty Hermelee]

How disheveled we look when we reach that old grumpy age, where we are nearing the scary look; "Ashen faces"... hardly hearing a thing; so weak and thin; it's almost as if our bones are sticking out; We don't want to be bothered by anyone; aging signs of the desire to sleep' Turn he light off and let my burning flesh rest; the acrid smell of death draws near.
Strong words and excellent imagery!
Best, B

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for reading and letting me know your thoughts .. it's important eh!? ... this one is a bit darker than my norm .. but felt right ... we can become all you mention .. to be sure .. i think a persons lifetime of building attitude and perspective makes a lot of difference in how we approach our most certain demise .. keep on truckin' Ms. Betty .. strong and hardy as she goes ;)))))))) ......
E.

[Patricia]

Well I can definitely identify with a lot of this, especially the insomnia but not so much the aging, well not as of yet, I’m 60 and I am really enjoying this era. As for this write it is filled with originality, the lines are exceptionally good writing with so much emotion that I can feel it across the ether, and can smell it! Now that’s impressive! The imagery is profoundly dark and I love dark. Oh the places our imagination goes just laying there in the dark, of course we write about it, what else can we do when we can’t sleep?! This is one of the best poems I have read here at the cafe. Definitely going in the library

[Einstein Noodle]

wow! i am truly humbled Patricia .. so gratified you felt this .. and you mention the "smell" ... i really wanted that to come across .. totally satisfied you experienced that ... can't believe you are 60 ... your just a babe you know :)) ... i have you beat by a decade and more .. and i too am loving it! life has never gifted me with so much sensory pleasures .. i live in the woods .. where stillness masters the tree tops .. most over 50 feet tall and up to 80 ... luv on ya dahlink .. best of good fortune with your new book
E.

[Patricia]

Thank you kindly good sir!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Jesus, "burned umber and metal fillings"---
It is like lying and bed next to ourselves looking over and wondering what the hell happened to us.
How could we have deteriotated so.
this is so timely for me to read now...I have been having the aging issue big time in the past few months.
Friends being sick, some having passed on....watching old movies and tv shows seeing so many stars I grew up with who are no longer around...
all gone...as we will be sooner rather than later.

agony, horror, apathy....the first two yes...but how can we not care about the fact we will sooner or later no longer be around.And it is so hard to sleep these days...not wanting to waste one possible waking moment.
thanks for this poem, E.
you had me in mind...or could easily have.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

a review for my century blessed jacob! :) you are in it for sure, judging from your review ... it's a bit of a death rattle eh!? i too have been feeling the age of myself this past year .. not so much zip to "do things" ... we have to persist tho eh!? keep redfining our self definitions .. pick a couple goals and go for it .. today my goal was to talk to no one ... walk ol' Beau .. and stay entrenched within my own walls ... this review .. i can not say how encouraging it is for me ... this poem .. i was going to try and force it into more form and rhyme and see if i could combine all of it somehow ... thank you jacob! thank you very much..
E.

[Temperance]

P.S. Love the music selection.

[Einstein Noodle]

can you believe such a young man plays like that??

[Temperance]

No! He’s so very talented. Such a good sound. I enjoy classical music at times. I find it soothing.