The Captain

Hymn form with story telling ;)

from military wikia.org.

The Captain

The night before, he down'd a mash

from sweat filled leather coils. 

'Twas blended by a brewer's mule 

with bit 'n harness boil'd.

The brine it damp'd his coal black hair;

and plumed the ocean's spray.

The girls in harbor towns for fare

lent beds for him to stay.

the Captain meant to sail that morn;

but, drunk as he could be,

his snores were heard throughout the town

he'd slept in reverie.

Miss Mary came and rousted him

with thick dry gin tinged tongue.

He waked and shook the guilt of sin

from shoulders broadly strung.

His ship was larboard bound and fast;

Her mainsl' tightly wrapped. 

She listed port and once again

she swept him in her grasp. 

He leapt on board; cried " 'Way the ropes!

Step lively ye young fools.

We're off the docks for Neptune's hope

to breach his trident's rule."

From bully pulpit Captain's voice

boomed deep and cleft his scowl.

Commanding all, no room for choice,

his gaze held 'fore the prow.

  

His chiseled chin cut clean the waves

with words of billowed clouds.

His masts stood fast, the sea it laved,

in tune with sirens' shrouds. 

That day he sailed, an albatross

did follow  passed the breaks.

Ne'er once he feared to pay the cost

for Ocean's firm embrace.

The birds left off without a cry;

Cap's eyes held keen ahead.

He failed to heed the ghostly sighs

of sailors lost and dead.

His blue eyed soul was seen no more

When  stern fell oft the world

Bewitched they say by treasures stored

Within his dreams ..... 'tis told.

06/28/2021

E.

Author's Note

I hope you like this, my second attempt at the Hymn form which Emily Dickenson used so vividly with glimpses at her rebellion within her verse. Thank you Richard for your tips and editing. You will see that some of your points inspired me further and there are further changes you have not read. I also want to thank jacob for challenging me to write a poem using the term "bully pulpit" .. I had reviewed one of his poems and used the term and his response included the challenge. I also want to thank Pryde for also challenging me to write this second hymn form poem with a handsome man with dark hair as its protagonist. She had mentioned my doing that after reading my first hymn poem "Grace?" ...I have been so uninspired for months and not even caring about it. So friends who challenge us during such times are extra inspirational .. so thank you Pryde, jacob and Richard. Maybe this will get me out of the doldrums. :)))

Reviews

[Ken Simm.]

This is perfect writing of a period and a style. Proving without doubt that you are the antithesis of a one trick pony. I am honestly in awe of this Gener. It is simply superb and I wish I could do it. Not only Dickenson but Coleridge, even Melville is here and it launches across the waves with so much fervour with a vocubulary to envy to the nth degree.

[Einstein Noodle]

oh man! i am thoroughly humbled by your remarks, Ken .. honest and true .. thank you .. what a boost of encouragement you have blessed me with ... love and peace brother!
E.

[andrew mitchell]

An epic of a write Sir Gene. Aye aye Captain! Such fine imagery and such disciplined style of writing of an era long gone. Couldn’t stop thinking of Lord Nelson and the battles, must be that picture.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks for visiting Andrew! always glad to learn what you think about my "stuff" :) the call of the sea eh!? so many grand examples .. Lord Nelson ..quite the Captain indeed ... gave an eye and an arm to the Queen so I have read. ;} I think he was born with grey hair tho my friend ... and a wig :))))))))))
E.

[andrew mitchell]

Meanwhile I'm just going to walk the plank in awe of your writings!

[Einstein Noodle]

:))))))))) you are too kind Andrew ... blessings to ya .. it's another dawn that's breaking.

[Lorry]

Why didn't you say Sir Noodle? If its a challenge yer after then conversing with a penguin on what briny delights of the sea go best with a cheese and herb sauce should be right up your alley. Just ignore him if he says fish fingers. 😊
A mighty fine tale of the captain and his ways that does remind me of Ms Dickinson and how I still have the last third of her complete works to savour. It now goes back to the top of the pile once I finish Mr Greene's 21 stories. You can't beat the oldies...you'd get arrested.
Wishing you a happy turkey day my friend.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahahaha! happy turkey day eh!? :)))))))) having fruit and yogurt this morning my friend .. keeping my girlish figger ya know. thanks for stopping by always .. and for lifting my day already with a smile and better humor .. love and peace sir!
E.

[Lorry]

Ach, there's no' a pick on ye young fella! as we say here in Scotch land... Even our compliments come with a snarl 😊

[Einstein Noodle]

and its a fine way to grow ... with humor and knowing how blessed it is not to easily take offense .. top o' the mahrnin to ya!

[Lorry]

And to you sir. Have a wonderful weekend my friend and keep on smiling when safe to do so. If you get stuck, just listen to fox news, it's hilarious.

***other networks available. Contents may vary upon arrival and objects in the rear view may appear bigger, especially if their brakes fail! ***

[Einstein Noodle]

i honestly don't watch news more than a few minutes a day and don't have Fox :( i'm too poor to add it to my package. :)))) funny you mention braking .. i have been working on a recently purchased 1963 F100 and am converting the front brakes from drum to power disc. one side done one to go and then the "power booster" gets installed .. i am taking time .. but hey .. who has to hurry .. i am retired and loving it! peace brother!

[Melinda McQueen]

What a nicely executed poem. I appreciate the story told.
A greatly penned write.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks McQueen! glad you enjoyed the story :)
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I, too, saw shades of Coleridge and his albatross, but the early part of this was like
reincarnation of Dickinson from a male pen. As the poem drew to a close, I loved the mythological implications....did he really exist, did the ship exist, did they steer themselves into something like the Bermuda Triangle and disappear...?
You do these so well, and your vocabulary is to die for.
I might have given a slight nudge with my phrase but YOU are the talent here.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

damn jacob!! i am humbled .. high praise, (in my opinion) coming from you sir! In the famous words from Wayne's World .... "I'm unworthy! I'm unworthy!" ;)))))))) thanks for taking time and such a generous, kind and encouraging review my friend! peace and joy!
E.

[Fran Marie]

First of all its so
good to see you back
and letting us enjoy
your writings.i remember
reading your other hymn
poem " Grace"..you write
these forms so we'll

this one was such a great
story and treat to read.
.hard to pick a certain a
favorite verse..each one
so interesting..the captain
was quite the character))

superb pen

[Einstein Noodle]

I couldn't ask for a more encouraging review Fran! thanks so much for taking time .. glad you enjoyed the character and story .. thanks again for all your support!
E.

[Chris Shaw]

It seems you have been inspired by three exceptional poets and I for one am grateful that they have gently encouraged you to lift that pen of yours Mr. E. This is a wonderful tale and as I am in Brixham, an old fishing port where many an old clipper would have docked, I picture this scene so clearly. The albatross, now who could not take that warning seriously. Can remember studying Coleridge at school. Beware the albatross, says I especially if it's metaphorically hanging round your neck. Loved this read with its nautical imagery and the doomed Captain himself. Thank you and sending warm wishes across the pond.

Chris

[Einstein Noodle]

i am over filled with this reveiw Chris .. thank you so much! yes ... you are on the sea and what a delight that this one took you in .. love ya girl! be well and stay safe ... and yes .. beware the albatross! ;)
E.

[Neville]

... and what a story, this is precisely what he say's it is on the packet folks .. and just wot this old fella has been waiting for my dear friend Gene .. Oh' and pon my word sir, tis good to have ya back ..

N :))))

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my friend and compatriot! thanks so much! i think i know what child birthing is :)))))))))))))))))))))))) painful process but when all is done ... well ... thank you my Lord! ;)
E.
ps. glad you enjoyed the tale sir!

[Neville]

.............. ppssssst .. I did indeed and I aint had a drink in over a week
:)

[Einstein Noodle]

on purpose?

[Neville]

Yep........ I have begun to feel I have been locked out of my own temple .. Am thinking of joining a gym again & eating less bread etc etc etc ..

[Neville]

just for the record, I'm still thinking about those things .. tis good to be back here though Cap'n :)
N.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha ..well ... life begins with thought right!? ;) ... i have been a good boy ..an hour workout at the gym followed by an hour of yoga ... sheesh .. i never realized yoga can be such a calorie burner ... haven't eaten much bread in my life ... need to be a bit stricter with me beer tho .... it's on my thinking table :))))))))))))))))

[Neville]

writely or wrongly tiz the carbs will be the end of me ............... cheers tho E. N :) read more
writely or wrongly tiz the carbs will be the end of me ............... cheers tho E. N :)

[Einstein Noodle]

better stay away form them then Nev!

[Neville]

sounds like a plan ................. N :)

[lightsong]

one thing that I became to admire about You is how humble with respect You truly are, You would take a note to the heart and work for it, and there but a clear example, I enjoyed reading this one dear E, but the later verses of it are more to my liking, You started with a normal words of a normal Captain story but then as You were weaving the story down, it sounded more sharp to me... "Neptune's hope", "Ocean spray" (gonna use this sometime:) ), "His blue eyed soul" love these lines, and the ending verse both magical and perfect for what a real sailor, a son of seas must be :) and WELCOME BACK MR.E! thanks to our kind friends who helped the process of "BRINGING YOU BACK" ;>

[lightsong]

in case You don't know, there is a wonderful song titled "Ocean Spry" by Manic Street Preachers, read morein case You don't know, there is a wonderful song titled "Ocean Spry" by Manic Street Preachers,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUJLdC6wqno

[Einstein Noodle]

I will check the song out! thank you for your kind review and recognizing the friends who challenged and inspired me to "keep writing" as it were. peace and joy Light!
E.

[John the Baptist]

Well, that damned bird has caused more trouble for sailors than anything save for grog. This captain obviously had never read Coleridge. Loved the unique rhyming and consistent meter. I would love to hear this one set to music.

[Einstein Noodle]

well ... get your fiddle out and have a go sir! I'll join in the chorus! ;) Thanks John .. for taking time and reviewing. health and comfort my friend!
E.

[Relic]

This is impressive writing, Einstein. I love poems like this. How did you come up with the words? I would expect a lot of reading suppose. There's no better teacher than Richard so I'm not surprised he helped a bit.

Excellent writing.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Relic! I agree. Richard is the go to guy for growing in the trade. He was very generous with his time and suggestions. .. best of the day to ya Relic. ..
E.