The Captain

Hymn form with story telling ;)

from military wikia.org.

The Captain

The night before, he down'd a mash

from sweat filled leather coils. 

'Twas blended by a brewer's mule 

with bit 'n harness boil'd.

The brine it damp'd his coal black hair;

and plumed the ocean's spray.

The girls in harbor towns for fare

lent beds for him to stay.

the Captain meant to sail that morn;

but, drunk as he could be,

his snores were heard throughout the town

he'd slept in reverie.

Miss Mary came and rousted him

with thick dry gin tinged tongue.

He waked and shook the guilt of sin

from shoulders broadly strung.

His ship was larboard bound and fast;

Her mainsl' tightly wrapped. 

She listed port and once again

she swept him in her grasp. 

He leapt on board; cried " 'Way the ropes!

Step lively ye young fools.

We're off the docks for Neptune's hope

to breach his trident's rule."

From bully pulpit Captain's voice

boomed deep and cleft his scowl.

Commanding all, no room for choice,

his gaze held 'fore the prow.

  

His chiseled chin cut clean the waves

with words of billowed clouds.

His masts stood fast, the sea it laved,

in tune with sirens' shrouds. 

That day he sailed, an albatross

did follow  passed the breaks.

Ne'er once he feared to pay the cost

for Ocean's firm embrace.

The birds left off without a cry;

Cap's eyes held keen ahead.

He failed to heed the ghostly sighs

of sailors lost and dead.

His blue eyed soul was seen no more

When  stern fell oft the world

Bewitched they say by treasures stored

Within his dreams ..... 'tis told.

06/28/2021

E.

Author's Note

I hope you like this, my second attempt at the Hymn form which Emily Dickenson used so vividly with glimpses at her rebellion within her verse. Thank you Richard for your tips and editing. You will see that some of your points inspired me further and there are further changes you have not read. I also want to thank jacob for challenging me to write a poem using the term "bully pulpit" .. I had reviewed one of his poems and used the term and his response included the challenge. I also want to thank Pryde for also challenging me to write this second hymn form poem with a handsome man with dark hair as its protagonist. She had mentioned my doing that after reading my first hymn poem "Grace?" ...I have been so uninspired for months and not even caring about it. So friends who challenge us during such times are extra inspirational .. so thank you Pryde, jacob and Richard. Maybe this will get me out of the doldrums. :)))

Reviews

[Ken Simm.]

This is perfect writing of a period and a style. Proving without doubt that you are the antithesis of a one trick pony. I am honestly in awe of this Gener. It is simply superb and I wish I could do it. Not only Dickenson but Coleridge, even Melville is here and it launches across the waves with so much fervour with a vocubulary to envy to the nth degree.

[Einstein Noodle]

oh man! i am thoroughly humbled by your remarks, Ken .. honest and true .. thank you .. what a boost of encouragement you have blessed me with ... love and peace brother!
E.

[lessa (kenzie)]

Love this write and the way you have written it. Love the clever rhyme scheme used.
Amazing write! enjoyed the read

[Einstein Noodle]

using classic form is not my norm; but all have things we can glean in using them ... the hymn form used so "radically" by Emily Dickenson captures my imagination .. as well as her actual poetry and life story .. thank you once again for taking time on my street ... right here at the Cafe' :)
E

[lessa (kenzie)]

not a problem sir

[barleygirl]

WOW! Your author note shows what a diverse & interwoven writing community you enjoy here at the cafe! This is a great poem, well-constructed, as well as being an enjoyable read. I always prefer a storytelling poem to an abstract one, so thanks for appealing to my straightforward way of reading life (((HUGS)))

[Einstein Noodle]

dear Margie!!! I am so very happy you chose this one to read .. I do know your "voice" is one of rhythm and rhyme and meter .. I couldn't be more thrilled you enjoyed reading .. thanks my dear and fine friend!
E.

[Dave Brown]

This was a tale to get lost in and I did
Awfully well done

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Dave ... glad you got wet! ;) not my particular genre but needed to do something in a dry spell .. it was educational for me looking up old nautical terms I might use ... stay well my friend .. thanks again for taking time on me pages!
E.

[Coyote Poetry]

This is poetry my friend. You took me in and I fell in the words and the struggle.
"That day he sailed, an albatross
did follow passed the breaks.
Ne'er once he feared to pay the cost
for Ocean's firm embrace."
The above lines were my favorite. You made the reader believe. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Einstein Noodle]

ohhhhh and thank you Coyote Man! Coming from a romantics heart, your review is much appreciated .. thank you for pointing out the part that spoke more precisely to you .. I can see how it did, John ... the Captain was fearless ... he embraced his fate .. a true warrior ... willing to sacrifice .. like you my brother ... thanks again for reading and reviewing .. as always it is a very important part of the Cafe' ;)
E.

[Coyote Poetry]

Captain must and you are welcome my friend.

[Patricia Wedel]

Wow.. Gene… quite a Dream… so profound… your poem encompasses so much of a Sailor’s or Captain’s Life. The Storms and search for Treasure often lead us to our demise. He gentle and Wise. tenderly, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

oh dear Pat! so happy you found this one to read .. and happy you enjoyed my Captain's tale ..top o' the mahrnin' to ya lass!
E.

[Patricia Wedel]

hi Gene… although I had previously read your Sea-faring Poem.. I enjoyed it even more now that we have a World in turmoil. It seems the Sea might be more Safe than most anywhere. gently, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

love your new profile pic Pat! doubly appreciate you reading and commenting twice ;) yes .. the world can seem a frightening place at times for sure. Faith give me comfort, assurance and peace, however. Faith in my Lord Jesus Christ, the Creator Father and the Holy Spirit .. the three in One. :)))))))))))))))))) thanks again always for taking time on my poetry .. top o' the mahrnin' to ya!
Gene

[Ruth]

First, the style of writing here is remarkable...the wonderful way this poem unwraps another world is astonishing E. I have never tried hymn form, I don't think, it captivates a time unknown and something mysteriously magical. I have to say, I too am reminded of Coleridge from your writing skill here - magnificent E, magnificent! :)

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my goodness .. Ruth! i am honestly humbled by your remarks ... you bless my morning already .. (its 5:30 Am) i am glad you enjoyed the story and form ... i have been so unmotivated ... for several months ... i try strict forms just to try and kick the muse ... thanks so much for you generous words and taking time to read .. love and peace!
E.

[Richard🖌]

An ambitious undertaking of epic proportions, My Friend🎖

Ahhh, what a swashbuckling tale of a seafaring adventure … I can almost hear Coleridge's and Dickinson's envious sighs.
I know you're a died-in the-wool free-verser, but composing poetry in spot-on 8/6/8/6 iambic tetrameter/trimeter and a-b-a-b rhyme scheme in eleven Quatrain verses is no small accomplishment, and you've pulled it off like the pro we all know you are … KUDOS!

Thank goodness you've enough humility and flexibility to take constructive suggestions and critique from your knowing peer, or we'd not have such virtual masterpieces to enjoy and be amazed by. You may hope that I like this, Gene, but I don't … I LOVE it!

I can smell the sea, feel the deck's roll, and hear the prow's wave-cuts in my mind.
Simply brilliant imagery … thank you, always, for the pleasure of sharing! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Einstein Noodle]

Holy smokes Richard ... I can put my pen away .. i have arrived :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) seriously tho ... great to have your input always and you are a teacher and poet and many other wondrous things as well ... not the least your Martial Arts expertise. We need those who are particular .. who share ways of improvement .. as, at least in my mind, learning and growing are eternal curves ... thanks so much for stopping by and reviewing this one .. and all those you have taken time with .. peace brother! stay safe out there!
E.

[Richard🖌]

It's my distinct honor, Syr Poet. ✍🏻

Ever, your friend and fan. 🍃

[Patricia Wedel]

dearest Gene… as an ancient Figure Head… I have experienced the Ambience of treacherous Seas… I am in your debt of a Chest of Treasures lost at Sea… tenderly, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you Pat... so happy you found this one to read and review! :)))))))
E.

[Tate Morgan]

Oh you know I am going to like this. Your best work. I tip my hat in reverence to your talent. 100/100

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my goodness .. the master graces me shores ;))))))))))))))))) you made my day sir .. and yes! i know rhyme and story are you voice .. so thanks so much for taking time here .. what in the world has drawn you back my friend. thank you for some kind encouragement .. i sold the Harley by the way .. and bought a '63 F100 step bed ;) how it takes me back to those days when kids could actually work on their cars and trucks. Slainte mhath my good friend! keep safe and be well .. my best to your family sir!
E.

[Tate Morgan]

You show a mastery of rhyme and meter here. I realize this sort of thing takes a lot of time and a lot of work. Many people believe this just comes to an artist. As you know it does not. It comes from hard work and diligence and artistic flair in the mastery of the English language. All of which are shown here. Bravo

[Tate Morgan]

By the way. I envy you the F 100. My son came home with a 1969 Volkswagen dune buggy just because he has he put it They are fun to work on

[Tate Morgan]

ABAB rhyme schemes are extremely hard to pull off. Standing ovation for you

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks again Tate! will your son let you drive it?? ;)

[Tate Morgan]

Oh yeah we still go on adventures together

[Einstein Noodle]

:) .........................