The Captain

Hymn form with story telling ;)

from military wikia.org.

The Captain

The night before, he down'd a mash

from sweat filled leather coils. 

'Twas blended by a brewer's mule 

with bit 'n harness boil'd.

The brine it damp'd his coal black hair;

and plumed the ocean's spray.

The girls in harbor towns for fare

lent beds for him to stay.

the Captain meant to sail that morn;

but, drunk as he could be,

his snores were heard throughout the town

he'd slept in reverie.

Miss Mary came and rousted him

with thick dry gin tinged tongue.

He waked and shook the guilt of sin

from shoulders broadly strung.

His ship was larboard bound and fast;

Her mainsl' tightly wrapped. 

She listed port and once again

she swept him in her grasp. 

He leapt on board; cried " 'Way the ropes!

Step lively ye young fools.

We're off the docks for Neptune's hope

to breach his trident's rule."

From bully pulpit Captain's voice

boomed deep and cleft his scowl.

Commanding all, no room for choice,

his gaze held 'fore the prow.

  

His chiseled chin cut clean the waves

with words of billowed clouds.

His masts stood fast, the sea it laved,

in tune with sirens' shrouds. 

That day he sailed, an albatross

did follow  passed the breaks.

Ne'er once he feared to pay the cost

for Ocean's firm embrace.

The birds left off without a cry;

Cap's eyes held keen ahead.

He failed to heed the ghostly sighs

of sailors lost and dead.

His blue eyed soul was seen no more

When  stern fell oft the world

Bewitched they say by treasures stored

Within his dreams ..... 'tis told.

06/28/2021

E.

Author's Note

I hope you like this, my second attempt at the Hymn form which Emily Dickenson used so vividly with glimpses at her rebellion within her verse. Thank you Richard for your tips and editing. You will see that some of your points inspired me further and there are further changes you have not read. I also want to thank jacob for challenging me to write a poem using the term "bully pulpit" .. I had reviewed one of his poems and used the term and his response included the challenge. I also want to thank Pryde for also challenging me to write this second hymn form poem with a handsome man with dark hair as its protagonist. She had mentioned my doing that after reading my first hymn poem "Grace?" ...I have been so uninspired for months and not even caring about it. So friends who challenge us during such times are extra inspirational .. so thank you Pryde, jacob and Richard. Maybe this will get me out of the doldrums. :)))

Reviews

[Ken Simm.]

This is perfect writing of a period and a style. Proving without doubt that you are the antithesis of a one trick pony. I am honestly in awe of this Gener. It is simply superb and I wish I could do it. Not only Dickenson but Coleridge, even Melville is here and it launches across the waves with so much fervour with a vocubulary to envy to the nth degree.

[Einstein Noodle]

oh man! i am thoroughly humbled by your remarks, Ken .. honest and true .. thank you .. what a boost of encouragement you have blessed me with ... love and peace brother!
E.

[Temperance]

Mr. E, this is wonderful! You should do more rhyme work as you are very good at it and, this one is exceptional. You could have written this in the 1800’s with the style and topic you used. Needless to say, I loved this!

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you very much .. i don't do many rhyming poems ... nor story telling such as this .. it was challenging and fun to write .. thank you very much for taking time!
E.

[Temperance]

You are very welcome! T

[Betty Hermelee]

This is superb writing of yesteryear with Brut force and master of words. I loved reading the rhythm of it, perfect for this story you told. Poor captain thought he could master the sea, but it mastered him Your imagery is superb, like the old master of poetry. I loved every word.
Great write, you should be proud.
Best, B

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my .. i am so grateful and gratified .. thank you so much for reading and reviewing .. yes ... the Cap never returned ... poor lost soul ;))) luv on ya .. and thanks again for such a supportive review
E.

[Betty Hermelee]

I'm delighted to review your work its' very special to me!!! Best, B

[Lisasview]

You are so very welcome!!
Lisa

[Gee]

Well, well, well E how good a piece of writing is that. I think Ken says it all :)

[Einstein Noodle]

:))))))))))) you've put a stretch grin on me face Gee! thanks so much for choosing to read it ... your review makes me want to try another .. torture as it is for me ;}
luv on ya brother!
E.

[Gee]

Back at ya E

[Lisasview]

Wonderful.. I am in awe at how well this is done!! Bravo....
As I am into form poetry I really enjoyed this amazing read!!
Lisa,
Now in Spain

[Einstein Noodle]

so happy you like it Ms. Lisasview! it's an honor when someone who writes using form enjoys one of mine .. it is especially gratifying .. thanks you for finding this one and taking time ma'am!
E.

[Miss Sharon]

Awesome write and perfect form! I think many people are afraid to try Form Poetry because of the restrictions imposed by the rules, but you didn't let that stop you...and we are the better for it! Keep it up. ~Sharon

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you so much Sharon! can't tell you how much that means to me ... i struggle struggle struggle with strict forms .. but they always kick me out of dry spells somehow .. luv on ya! Happy St. Paddy's Day!
E.

[Soren]

This is the best of your poems that I have read. It does speak of a period and has a formal turn to it. It is very well composed and flows just like the tides of the sea. I do see some Melville in it. Lovely

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks so much Soren! so happy you enjoyed .. i do classic forms in order to keep at least one foot on the ground .. tho i find them most difficult to accomplish .. when finished ... i feel well enough disciplined to launch another abstract free verse ... my most comfortable voice .. but i learn so much more doing forms ... thank you again for taking time .. finding this one and reviewing ... it's important feedback for sure!
E.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This is a wonderful and seemingly periodic piece. I would think, by just reading it, that it was written in a earlier century. And it has to do with the sea! That always draws me in. Great work. I enjoyed the read.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Fabian! I was hoping for the flavor of old and of sailors and ships with sails. :)
E.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

My favorite things! I have a wall in my living room devoted entirely to the sea. It's centerpiece is a Norman Rockwell print of "Outward Bound". The Sea Wolf by Jack London is one of my favorite books. I love anything nautical too. Your poem was great.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you. :)))))))))

[Cherrie Palmer]

Wonderful writing Gene. So clear and filled with images you pull us straight in.
I so agree with you about forms. like you I like to write in free verse. It allows me to let my imagination flow. However I like to dabble in formats because it lends to a better understanding of flow, rhythm and scheme.

[Einstein Noodle]

you hear me then sister! :) thanks so much for stopping to read .. always appreciate your words
E.

[lessa (kenzie)]

Love this write and the way you have written it. Love the clever rhyme scheme used.
Amazing write! enjoyed the read

[Einstein Noodle]

using classic form is not my norm; but all have things we can glean in using them ... the hymn form used so "radically" by Emily Dickenson captures my imagination .. as well as her actual poetry and life story .. thank you once again for taking time on my street ... right here at the Cafe' :)
E

[lessa (kenzie)]

not a problem sir