When I Die

thank you KWP for giving me that last line and word on this one... it is changed from "falling" to "fading" ... it takes a village eh!? ;)

When I die

the lure was educational                                     

                                                        

She wasn't trying to open discussions

So                           I said nothing

She carried the weight 

all the  power in her favor

all the world  .................................................and

the passing are no matter                      at all   

                             really

calm hand       

                       spine tingling fingers        

                                                                 cold  wrapping those

finely tuned strings of spun corruption

 'round and round and 

                                                         around the whole of things                                                               

those                     specific colors and       feathered flavors  

those                     specific species                       in it 

from the beginning and

now the end

fading ...................  

E.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Paul Bell]

I was drawn to the title. Oh, how we avoid death at all costs, especially talking about it.
Death in Western countries is just taboo. Actually, I think we would rather say people expired.
I think it is brave to talk about it, maybe make the journey more bearable at the end.
Tough poem this one, a thought for the day.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks so much Paul .. I think you are absolutely right .. we should talk about it along with every other important subject .. it is as natural as birth eh!? i think its the perceived unknown and expectation of loss as well as our own mortality that makes it difficult. With Faith our goal is reset beyond the grave .. we strive to live for others and do all we can to conform to the wondrous "Golden Rule" .. or we go destructive .. harming ourselves and others to one degree or another. With just that mustard seed of Faith we know well the confidence of 1Corinthians 15:55 "O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?...." it goes on to say that the "sting" is caused by our sin .. our misunderstanding of what is really free and what isn't ... anyway ;) ... i really appreciate your review ... that it gave you pause .. to think and consider is more than i could hope for in a poem ... be well my friend and stay safe ...
E.

[Paul Bell]

I think it's a British thing, death is the person next door, he or she was old, so it was expected. We'll bow our heads and put it to sleep then probably go shopping to forget the experience.

[Einstein Noodle]

not just the Brits ;) ..............................

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

We are all a state of "fading," excellent close btw... and "she wasn't trying to open discussions," almost made me toss my phone for not thinking of it first! Lol that was such a writer's line, if I've ever heard one! Excellent piece!

[Einstein Noodle]

best review ever sir! ... thanks so much! been so unmotivated for months now .. your comments almost get me going again .. peace and joy brother!
E.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

I understand that state of mind... though, I do hope you find the motivation soon, brother. We would be missing out on a true talent otherwise.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you .. you are very kind. :)

[KWP]

we come and then we leave ... in between we should really remember to love. Love long and hard. Love with openness, love one and love all.

this is lovely E. In the new experiences or the experiences of extremities, there is a true chance of understanding ... we as humans quite often do not realise this, it's important, like you have done here with your words - to reflect and acknowledge the everywhen.

LOVE to YOU E X

[Einstein Noodle]

I think I am going to change the last word to "failing" .. what do you think? it seems to fit better. ;) I love it when you are around luv! you bring your wide experience and the seekers insights to all you write ... we have to be searching don't we .. in order to find anything at all. Yeah ... I think death should always be on the table of conversations ... probably a rare thing when one is watching when it knocks .. i hope i am, Elizabeth .. watching with a joyful heart and open arms .. luv and peace and comfort on ya dear friend! thanks for taking a peek down my streets .. right here at the Cafe'
E.

[KWP]

is that the right word?

[KWP]

I like fading ... because there is no definitive to it ...

[Einstein Noodle]

oh! I like that even better ... fading! perfect .. may I use it ma'am! ;)

[KWP]

What’s mine is ours 😊

[Einstein Noodle]

I luv you Elizabeth! going to change it right now .. thanks .. its the word I was looking for!

[Sami Khalil]

As birth puts things across the windshield driving the intricacies of life, its hills and valleys, death puts things in the rear view mirror then when we ascend and be in the bird's eye view. The great equalizer. This poem speaks volumes about this very sensitive reality. With a master's pen, you use great wordings and structure to convey the message sir.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Sami .. you are very kind in your review .. i am totally gratified it spoke to you .. we need, especially in America, i think, far more open discussions about death .. and that setting our goals wrapped only in this world for most of our lives .. we miss out on many opportunities to prepare for beyond deaths door. It is an even more real world than this one, says i, because deception has no part in it .. not our own nor the big deceiver ... ;)
E.

[Sami Khalil]

All true and well said sir. We sure need those discussions. Puts things in real perspectives. You are welcome sir.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

This write is so detailed and filled with emotion and depth. Reading this took me from the beginning to the end with a hook in the details. I don't come across poems about death often, but for such a topic this one would be the best. tyfs

[Einstein Noodle]

so great to have your visits sir! and thank you so much for sharing your reactions .. as a species we don't talk enough about death do we!? very few of us comparatively see death as an end ... most see and work past it .. as we are in preparation for what lay ahead .. past "death's" door .. ;)
E.

[Ruth]

The one certainty that is ever watchful. Dear E - this made me tearful - something about the structure and pace, the ebb and flow to it - your poetry never ceases to move me and I am blessed to read you here :) Stay safe :)

[Einstein Noodle]

aww you put the blush in me Irish cheeks young lady! thank you so much for your review .. its encouraging to know this hit a cord with you .. i am especially grateful to know that the "form" worked for you ... it isn't something everyone quite understands, i guess. peace and light Ruth .. joy and health to ya!
E.

[Rita L. Sev]

The structure of this piece adds to its overall feel - pausing, starting, falling... much like life and death itself. A reminder to walk with purpose in this world, for certain.

[Einstein Noodle]

i sure like the positive take you have on reading this one ...and thank you for letting me know your thoughts on the form ..i like using this type and do quite a bit actually. funny you mention purpose .. as a RN we studied life stages and us seniors can loose that "purpose" merely by retiring .. especially men as we tend to view our "job" as who we are .. that's were re-invention needs to take hold eh!? a chance to wax dream filling ... learn to dance, play the fiddle, join a rock band ;))))))))))))) thanks always for reviewing me stuff ma'am ... your a corker says i! ;)
E.

[Vertigo Cat1111]

Not only is this an amazingly intricate and haunting poem, but the layout is also wonderful! Not often do we think a layout could make a piece of poetry better, but you certainly did it. I love that you changed the Grim Reaper to a 'she' as we often get it portrayed as male so often! Death is such an inevitable, tragic thing and yet it's so normal and just another beautiful part of life as cold and awful as it also is, and you portrayed that wonderfully here. Your words are incredible and your creativity is unmatchable.

[Einstein Noodle]

phhhhhhhhh thank you so much Colacat .. you are very kind .. and truly your review humbles me .. really ... thank you so much .... yes! "cold and awful" she is .. but a beauty within as well .. i loe it when someone sinks into a poem and feels/sees the whole of it .. thanks again so much for visiting and leaving such an encouraging review!
E.

[.]

Death is luring though it is cold, so true! We try to get ourself out of its grasp, and so it's a taboo thing to talk to. So we can not cope up with the loss, when it became inevitable. It's a tragedy. We have to be more open to it, such that passing can be a normal thing among lives..... So nicely written poem this is

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for your kind review, Sima! yes! i think you are exactly right and you have summed up the poem quite well says i! it should be normal .. and joyous actually .. be well .. stay safe!
E.

[Re-Pete]

most prefer to never think about it. is it an end or a new beginning. shutting out the lights. such confronting power in your words and structure. there is longevity in my in-laws family. wife's grandmother lived to 102 - said she was tired of hanging around. they used to say, "we don't die, you have to shoot us". both feeling and thought-provoking ... :)

[Einstein Noodle]

yes! i think we need to talk about it .. maybe even try to get to a point that we can rejoice in death .. just as we do in birth... i think i love your wife's Gram .. she sounds like a corker .. me Ma's side of the family also has longevity in it. I had two aunts and an uncle who were all alive and past 100 .. the Elder of the family, my aunt was just shy of 109 when she passed over .. she had lived in her own home with minimal assistance .. mostly with housework and getting her to the grocery store and simply giving her company .. she was something! ... i tell my children when i go i'm just going to walk off into the forest and fade ;) luv on ya brother .. thanks so much for reading and sharing you thoughts and bit of family history :)
E.